Monday, 24 August 2020


It's 9:30 Sunday morning as I write this and I'm feeling pretty blah (yet again.)

We had a cooler week this week, thank goodness and I am reminded again what a difference a couple of degrees can make to comfort and sleep and things.

I feel like the blah I'm feeling is mainly my "fault", but fault isn't really fair, so maybe I'll just say it's mainly my doing....?

Pre-Covid, I had times of struggling with motivation, but since Covid really hitting these shores and the lockdown and even through "re-opening" things just feel even more challenging and difficult to me, which means motivation is even more distant.

So I'll get up, get on my laptop and that's kind of it.  Especially if I've had a "busy" day or two previous.  I do make sure I get my steps ("exercise") in and of course I'm up and down for food and water and things, but really, I spend hours and hours some days just on my laptop.  And while part of me appreciates the comfort and down time and ease, part of me really gets upset about it and feels like I'm wasting my life.

And, no, I'm not looking for advice.  I've talked with my counsellors, I've got things to read on the topic, I know things that could be helping and maybe just this weekend was extra slow moving after a week that had me stressed an anxious because see that's another thing.  I also know I have a part of me that's just mean to me.  Picks on me, beats me up for whatever.  So rather than "allowing" myself to have a really quiet weekend after a stressful week, I have a part that turns me inside out with feelings of ick and blah and lame and bad.  And that's not particularly nice.  Or helpful.

But as I think I've said here quite a bit, talking about it helps.  Venting about it helps.  Hearing myself talk about it "out loud" helps.  And actually brings perspective.  So... yeah.  I'm feeling blah on a Sunday morning, but maybe just being honest about that will change things up, you know?


Jason Langlois said...

Vent away. I'm spending too much time in my computer chair as well, and its hard to change that pattern these days.

You're doing better than I am if you're getting in your steps!

Victoria said...

I'm not sure I would be getting my steps in if it wasn't for the FitBit my Mom loaned me. I like getting my "stars" ;)

Jason Langlois said...

My FitBit makes me feel guilty, but not enough to get me up an walking yet.

Victoria said...

That's the hard part, finding the guilt-free motivating zone. (I don't go for all that many steps and once I reach them I take the fitbit off! It still yells at me for not giving it sleep data... but that's not happening sorry fitbit)