I was re-reading some of my personal diary entries from the start of the year... to see how I felt January of this year and then to see how I felt as Covid hit our shores and we went into lockdown.
I found an entry from the 11th of March and I just, well, I wanted to hug me or something...
Here's an exerpt:
"A part of me is scared of this Coronavirus. I'm not sure what is is that scares me though....
The idea of getting sick? People I love getting sick? Society crumbling? How bad society might handle it? I don't know.
I'm just unhappy and anxious and getting miserable about it all.
I hope it goes away soon."
Oh... me too.... me too.
And I did. I really wanted it to be a short lived thing. Maybe a couple of months. And when I heard initial predictions that it might be around for "a few years" I tried as best I could to not think too hard on that and what that would look like or mean because I had no idea. Clearly.
I still do hope it goes away soon but I'm far more realistic about the fact that that's not really going to happen.
But ouch, this hurt to read and while I've gotten used to certain things and I'm handling certain things better this is still hard and I do not like it and I wish it would all just go away.