Thursday, 1 April 2021

April, Come She Will

Of course I want to rant.  

Of course I want to complain.

Of course I want to yell all my judgments out at anyone to prove that I am so much more right then whoever is running things, of COURSE I DO.

But... I don't.

Not publicly, and not really privately either, if I'm honest.

I don't see that it's helpful in any way though (other than possibly relieving some stress but even that is questionable, really.)

I could (and I have) write to someone.  A local official.  A federal official.  I could write a letter or send an email saying "Please stop travel.  Both international and provincial, please!" (I have before.) But it's really not my call.  And I'm not sure I put much faith in petitions for these things either... so... me angrily posting about it or telling my friends/family how they (the government?) is "doing it wrong" is just, for me, more upsetting.  Get me (and others) more riled.  I see it all the time.  People upset about how this or that is being handled... vaccine rollout choices, closing indoor dining, but not closing schools, whatever is chosen or announced people are mad and upset about it.  It's not what *they* think is right and omg I get it.  I totally get it.  I have my own personal thoughts and judgments around what I think "should" be done, but I'm not a public health officer.  I'm not an epidemiologist, I'm not a government official or elected official or any of those things (spoiler!) so I leave it up to them to look at whatever data they're looking at and make the decisions THEY think are best, and I try not to rant about it because it won't change anything and won't help...

Do I judge people who are making certain choices?  Yup.  Do I feel a certain way when I see people visiting from elsewhere?  YUP!  Have I been concerned for a long while about people doing things that I think are unsafe and possibly selfish?  Absolutely.

I just tend to keep that all to myself.  Now is that healthy?  Nah.  Probably not.  I'd probably be happier and healthier if I ranted it out now and then but I don't feel like spreading that around.

I guess I could journal (privately, paper journalling I mean) and maybe I will, but I just really feel like complaining about how things are being handled doesn't help. 

This is frustrating.  It's frightening (again).  It's long and drawn out and some folks felt the new year and vaccines would be the end of it and now are maybe struggling with accepting that's not the reality.

I am SO done with having an ongoing global pandemic.  I want it to go away.  And I've felt that way for a year + now.  

I do not know how to start to consider that this might not ever "end".... not really.  Because that is a possibility.  So how do I figure out how to have more of a life than what I've had this past year while still being safe and dealing with anxiety on top of that.  I guess I'll just have to find out as it happens.  But yeah, it's hard to plan.  For me there is no real planning.  And it's hard to feel hopeful or excited about things when I don't even feel comfortable being around people right now.  And I know that's partly a me and my head thing, but damn this is weird and long and tiring and not fun.

Do I wish things were being handled differently on a federal and provincial level?  I don't really know.  There are certainly things I'm not comfortable with (travel being one huge one) but I also don't know all the pieces (economy, mental health, whatever else) that "need" to be considered and taken into account. It's far too easy to judge something we don't know much about.  It happens all the time.  And it's not really all that helpful.  So I'm trying to keep my BLAH inside.

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