Oh My Broken Little Girl's Heart

So... I grew up with mainly boys as neighbours (other than my best friend a few houses down and across).

I, naturally, had a crush on one or two of these boys, most notably A. from next door.

Now A and his brother played with my brothers (and me when I was forced upon them by well meaning parents) and clearly all four of them were SO much older than me the crush would never be anything.

Because as you may remember, four or five or eight years when you're a kid is SO SO SO much different.  I mean if I'm 5 and you're 10 or 13?  You're practically a grown up or in high school or something.  

So I grew up with this secret crush and then recently found A on unnamed social media site.  I already knew he was happily married and all but hey, secret childhood crushes don't just disappear amirite?

But then, this social media site told me it was his birthday and and AND told me his age.  And if we assume he's being truthful on said social media site, you guys?

HE IS ONLY ONE YEAR OLDER THAN ME!!!!

ONE YEAR!

I know that's still a big deal when I'm in grade 4 and you're in grade 5 but I feel like I maybe just assumed he was as old as my brothers and and and waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. How did I never know he was a mere year older?

It's gotta be some kind of error, I just can't live with this being a reality!