So Angry

Look, I know I'm extra on edge.  So I know my reactions to things may be stronger or more intense than someone else's might be.  But that's kind of also being human, no?  So anyway...

One of the anxiety issues I struggle with they call social anxiety.  It's not being shy or anything like that and for me it's not that I think I'm going to do something stupid or anything, I just get really anxious with people that I don't know too well (like I'm fine with family, Jason, C-Dawg, some others, etc.)

So Jason has a friend I met a few years ago and who moved back to town.  Jason, for the last couple of months (since person moved back) keeps saying "hey, so and so is coming over to hang out in the back yard and he'd love to see you!" and person even sent me a social media message last month "hey, would be great to see you, come sit in the sun with us!"

Well that takes a lot of energy for me and I haven't had much extra energy of late so I have up until now politely and honestly deferred.  "Taking a quiet day today, thanks though"

This weekend, friend popped over to Jason's and I was invited and I actually felt like I had the energy to do it and so I planned to head over and socialize (GASP!)

But of course I was nervous about it, so I checked on this person's social media to see if there was anything going on I could talk to him about.  (He also takes photos so I thought there might be a recent shoot or something I could mention.)  

And when I went to his social media, I saw that he was unvaccinated.   And I lost my sh*t.

I was so angry that I'd nearly put myself in that situation.  And SO angry that Jason apparently knew and is still hanging out with this person.  I ranted at Jason and then I ranted on social media (which I really try not to do, but I was furious.)

Had I gone over, I probably would have asked the person before we hugged or anything but that would have made for a really awkward moment when he would have said nope, and I would have probably left right away.

I talked it over with another friend who said he'd had a similar experience.  Gone to a backyard thing, been introduced to a family and politely shook all their hands and then later into the evening once everyone had had a few drinks the family mentioned they were anti-vax.  My friend said the rest of them were furious and if he'd known he'd not have shaken their hands or sat near them.

It's like... I get that not everyone is comfortable, and I have thoughts about that.  And I get that a year ago none of us were vaccinated (give or take) and so being around non vaccinated people "shouldn't" be a weird thing but it is for me!  And I hate that I can't just assume we're all a little bit safer.  I hate that people are choosing not to vaccinate and then not being upfront about it.  You don't have the right to make me sick!

I know that vaccinated people can still spread Covid, I know this, but I also feel this strong sense of civic responsibility (for lack of a better term) that we should all be trying to help each other out and looking out for each other.  Part of why I got vaccinated is so I can help out others.  See my parents again.  Feel more comfortable potentially seeing friends, etc.  Hug my damn brother! Sigh.

I don't want to argue about those who are vaccine hesitant, I can understand that. But I don't think you then get to socialize as normal.  And honestly, I don't think you should want to.  And are you using my (or Jason's in this case) vaccination status as a protection for yourself?  Is that ok?

I'm happy to "protect" those who can not get vaccinated (for medical reasons, etc.), I do the same with all my other vaccines too.  We take care of those who are medically more prone to illness.  It's what we do!

But this situation enraged me.  And reminded me I can't just assume everyone in my life and world is vaccinated against Covid.  And I hate that I apparently am going to have to ask.

Ugh.

So yeah.  I got really really angry (probably because that was scary and I'm hyper stressed right now) and I'm not impressed with Jason's choices either, although he explained his reasoning why he feels comfortable sitting outside with this person.  And that he's "working on" encouraging this person to get the shot.

Me?  I'm just mad.  You don't have the right to make me sick.  And you don't have the right (in my view) to benefit from society if you're not willing to help keep society safe and well.  What, do you also refuse to pay taxes while driving on maintained roads and relying on the hospital to help you if you get sick?  

ANGRY!