Zzzzzzzz

I'm sleepy.

I'm partially writing this to keep myself awake because it's not even 10pm right now (last night as I'm setting this to post in the morning) and I tried to go to bed around this time the other night and I couldn't fall asleep even though I was so so tired.

I guess I'm not sleeping all that well right now.  Stress response probably.  Or something like that.

So I mean I go to bed, I'm sleepy, I'm tired, I read for a bit and then I'm ready to sleep and then even when I fall asleep the sleep doesn't feel deep and then waking up sucks and mornings are hard and I keep setting my alarm because I'm trying to reset my wake up time a little bit with w o r k on the horizon (WE DO NOT SPEAK THE WORD) and all I do is roll over and hit "alarm off" and I go back to sleep, so it's not even working.

I mean it's not that I'm getting up late, I just now have a drive to add to my morning routine and it's one thing to give myself half an hour (which is what I used to do) to get somewhere that's 20 minutes away but now I'm going on a big huge highway and so yeah, Google maps and Waze things say it's about a 20 minute drive but we've all been on that stretch of road and had it take FORRRRRREVERRRRR and what about rain or snow or bad traffic and I have no idea how to figure out how much time to give myself to get there.  45 minutes?  I mean it'll take me a while to figure out the drive and all that but if I give myself half an hour and something goes wrong I don't want to be late.  I'm not someone who can handle late.  I've never been late for work.  Not even that day when I woke up about twenty minutes before I was supposed to be at work and I have no idea how I got dressed and out the door looking human enough but I wasn't late.  I can't do late.  Which means giving myself enough time to be early, right?  But what if I give myself 45 minutes and then I'm 20 minutes early.... I mean that's not the end of the world right so I guess that's sort of my plan as it stands now.... except that means leaving much earlier than I used to FOUR HUNDRED YEARS AGO (when I used to work) and so long story shorter, I can't keep getting up when my body currently naturally wants to get up.  That won't give me enough time to... I mean not that I need much time to get out the door clearly but it's more about giving myself some down time in the morning to gather myself before heading out.  Or something.  I don't know.  There's just so much I don't know and so all this to say I'm trying to adjust my wake up times but so far it's not going too well.

Except that I'm tired by 9 each night so maybe it is and I just have to follow through rather than hitting "alarm off"?

Sigh.

I'm tired.  And honestly I'm going to bed now... yes, before 10pm and I'll read until I'm sleepy and then I'll turn off the light and hopefully I'll have a really restful sleep.  That'd be awesome.