Finding Breaths

I like order and routine.  And tidiness.  I really like tidiness.

They calm my brain.  Tidy calms my brain.

I have pretty solid home routines, or I mean, places that things go or whatever.  And when I'm stressed, putting things away really does help calm my brain.

And it isn't usually much work.  It's putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen counter before bed.  That kind of thing.

I'm not saying my house is clean right now.  I only JUST wiped down my window sills from the ash that had collected on them months ago.  Cleaning isn't the same as tidying in my mind-needs-calm world.

I just mean that when clutter happens, it seems to irritate my already irritated brain and tidying up that clutter calms it enough that it feels like a breath.

I have relied heavily on some of my routines these last few weeks and while I didn't have full trust in them, I think I did ok.

I mean little routines like always taking my thyroid medications first thing in the morning, or always brushing my teeth around 7/7:30 when I'm done eating for the day.  Little things like that.  Then I don't have to wonder "did I brush my teeth?" because it's just habit.  It's done.

Things have fallen to the wayside since you know what (return to part time work).  My hair has gone to that gross stage of "too many days without a wash" more often than not.  My fingernails got long enough that I scratched my chin by accident while moving my hand around.

My bathroom counter tops are dusty, as I imagine my floors are, not having looked.  But I am trying to keep things sorted and tidy as best I can.

I suppose I'm an orderly and organized person and at home it's been helpful.

Not having work routines or order or organization is not helping and really hard.  But at least my kitchen counter is tidy, you know?

Oh, and fellow Canadians, if you're reading this on Monday the 20th and haven't voted yet, please go do so today.  (I have already voted, by mail - got it in weeks ago.)