Survived. Technically. Times One.

My counsellor sent me a "good luck" (although it wasn't worded that way, more of an "all my best to you") email in which he reminded me to just focus on one step/thing at a time.

Like all of it/this is overwhelming, it just is.  New jobs/positions are like that I guess (it's been a while) but for me it's all the rest too... remembering to make a lunch, the drive (OMG the drive), picking out spy clothes to wear, talking to new people, where to park, etc etc.  It's endless and horrible.

So he said in the email "when you're driving just drive" and "when you're walking to your spy space, just do that" etc.

It helped to remind myself of that today.  Just... do the one thing.  Well, to be honest, it probably only helped with the drive because the rest of the morning was pretty overwhelming and I'm not sure I was particularly ... uh... smart?  Used time wisely?  I dunno.

I'm not full time, I'm very much part time, like just a few mornings a week, and this morning I actually wish I could have left about an hour in.  I just bonked (you know, the running/exercise term for hitting that wall of... nope).

But I mean I can't just... leave.  And I can't NOT do things.  There are timelines/deadlines to meet and no I still don't feel like I know what I'm supposed to do and my spy space isn't actually set up to be helpful and so it's just, like a lot.  Possibly too much.

You know I want to succeed.  But 99.9% of my brain and body are telling me that's not likely to happen.

Thanks Depression and Anxiety!  YOU'RE SO NOT HELPING!!!

Sigh.

But yeah, "morning" one.  Done.

I'd like to tell you I feel proud of that or something but I just feel like... dazed.  And not thrilled about having to do that again.