Ehhhhh

I don't really feel like I have much to say, or maybe the things I'd say I don't feel like putting into words.  But here goes anyway I suppose...

I used my vaccine passport for the first time a few days ago.

There's a colleague from my former workplace who has done a version of the spy work I'm currently doing and she offered to meet me to answer some questions (and let me vent!)

She asked where I wanted to meet and I said that quite honestly I still wasn't comfortable going places but that I'd adjust to what she suggested.  (I mean this person's doing me a favour... I can push my comfort a little, right?  OH LORD.)

She knew of a place that had outdoor seating with heaters and things and so I said that would be fine and yes I took something calming before I left and I went to meet her there.

I have a paper copy of my vaccine proof but I also did get a screen shot on my phone that I then saved to an album (I tried to figure out the short cut things but gave up) and the greeter hostess person checked it against my I.D. and that was that.  

I didn't feel fully comfortable being around strangers with their masks off (to eat and drink) even though it was an outdoors sort of space.  And I have huge personal issues with not wearing a mask when someone else around me is (like the server) so when she came to take our order I put my shirt over my mouth and apologized for breathing on her.  "It's ok," she said "we're both double vaccinated." And you guys?  I almost, ALMOST asked her how she knew that!!!  (But luckily my brain remembered that I'd just shown her my proof of vaccination.. ahem...)

So I mean I've done it now, been "in public" with my mask off.  And I didn't like it.  Even though I have an understanding that anyone there had to prove their vaccination status, it still wasn't my favourite thing to do.

And, I guess, it's just yet another thing with this pandemic that I'm going to have to get used to as I really don't think we're ever going to "get out" of it.  I think we've passed that point and now have to get used to living with it.  Which means I have to get used to putting myself in these situations that feel risky and that I may never know if they are risks I *should* be taking or not.  And I mean it's not even like "should" is a real thing.  I really just kind of mean my own internal freak out and getting used to "doing normal things" means a health risk I'd rather not take.

But yeah, used my vaccine "passport".  I guess I should make a "living in a global pandemic" bingo card or something.  Sigh.