Allllllright

So it snowed last night.

Quite a lot.  

I'm not great at measuring things by eye and I know it's a bit variable around town but some people are saying a foot, others are saying 40 cm and all I know (so far) is that my window sills have a pile of snow on them.

They had just sprinkles when I went to bed last night and now this!

I never quite believe the weather folks anymore as they're often wrong.  And I mean I think they still were technically wrong (as in we got more than they thought?  I think?)

I'm in a weird headspace with the snow right now.

I do not have to go anywhere... not that that matters today as transit isn't running (no busses, I think the airports might be shut down, not sure about the ferries.... etc etc) so if I did have to be anywhere I likely wouldn't have to be there today.  So it's good that I don't have to stress about driving or trying to find a ride or whatever.

But I'm somehow sort of.... I don't know... grumpy feeling about it?  I have enough food (did a run over the weekend just in case) but blah.... I want food I don't have of course.  And I feel mad that I didn't go get sushi (for example) the last three days that I kind of wanted some but it was kind of snowing and I didn't and part of me is doing the "should have" thing which SUCKS.

There are icicles out there, I just noticed.  (I stopped typing to look outside as I think I hear a snow blower maybe?)

I think part of my mood comes from the lack of heat in my building.  We've been trying to deal with it for months with no change for me at least.  So I have spent money to buy warm inside gear and I guess that's helping somewhat but also my body after a few hours goes THESE CLOTHES ARE ITCHY NOW GET THEM OFF so there's this constant monitoring I feel like I have to do... am I warm enough?  Too warm and sweaty?  Too cold and need a hot water bottle or something?  Are the shirts irritating me?  What about the seams on the pants?  Or the STUPIDLY TIGHT ANKLES?  Ugh.

And this morning I feel like there's a pressure, mainly internal of YOU SHOULD BE ENJOYING THIS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT OFTEN AND YOU'VE SPENT YOUR WHOLE LIFE SAYING YOU LOVE SNOW SO GO LOVE IT OR ELSE!

Sigh.

This is really a technically perfect snow day.  I don't have appointments or work, so no need to try to drive (and deal with others trying to drive... dear lord).  I have food (and snacks).  I am warm (enough) (Although 21 degrees is the legal requirement, I'm under 18 so "enough" is the key term... ahem)

I just don't know why I'm like so... meh.

It's pretty.  And not going anywhere as it's apparently going to be cold the next few days.

But it's like I also have to go somewhere eventually.  The end of this week is supposed to rain, and that can either move the snow away (other than whatever the plows push into piles) or make it much messier and less great.

Today is the "best" day for walking as things haven't been trampled down to ice yet (they will today and tonight) but I just want this to I don't know, have happened some other time what is wrong with me?!!!!!

It should be back to normal enough by the weekend, for seeing family or whatever.  But then it's like am I could to spend my whole week worrying about that?

Do I feel stuck inside?  Maybe.  Even though if it wasn't snowy I wouldn't be going anywhere?  Or maybe I would?  Sigh.

I don't know y'all.  I just feel weird and then I feel upset and mad that I feel weird which makes it worse.

It's snowy and I'm trying to enjoy that but I feel really pouty and "I don't WANT to" about it.  

Oh and there's also this feeling of pressure as I said before of enjoy it now cuz you'll regret it when it's gone but... sigh.

Stupid brain.