Menace To Myself!

So last week I told you that I made myself sick, and now I have a story to tell you about injuring and hurting myself, all by myself!

I play games on my phone.  It's a total escape for me and can calm me.  The games I play are mainly farming type games?  You plant the wheat, you wait for it to grow, you harvest it, you turn it into bread, you turn the bread into a sandwich, etc etc.  Nothing stressful, just repetition and a calm sense of knowing what's going to happen... reassuring.

My nieces introduced me to the "pop socket"?  A thing you stick on the back of your phone or phone case to make these large phones easier to hold.  When I got this latest phone (a couple of years ago) I put one on.  It's weird but helpful I guess.

When I play the games on my phone I pretty much always hold the phone in my left hand by resting the opened pop thingy on my thumb.  All the games are played horizontally... if that matters... and I've been playing these games for years.

When I was off for my holiday time, I did a lot of nothing.  I sat/lay on my couch and watched shows on my laptop and played my games.  Embarrassing to say, but for hours at a time.  Hideous portions of my life have been sucked up by technology and I'm aware of this but I'm also coping as best I can with what goes on in my brain and body you know?

So yeah, I noticed at some point in the holidays that I had lost grip strength in my left hand.  It was annoying.  And then I realized it came with pain.  So not only could I not unscrew the jar (or whatever) but it hurt my thumb to try.  

I figured I was getting arthritis and was pretty bummed about it.  I went back to doing some of the exercises I'd forgotten I'd looked up ages ago.  

But as this continued I started thinking about the fact that it wasn't both hands.  And that maybe if it was a degenerative issue I would be seeing it bilaterally?  So maybe it wasn't arthritis?  And I thought about it some more and then had an ah-ha-oh-no moment of realization.

I've pulled my thumb muscle/tendon/whatever by sitting and holding the phone with my thumb for ages and ages over break - especially the snow week where I really didn't go anywhere.  

I overextended my thumb.  I hurt myself all by myself.

I immediately stopped holding my phone that way.  Yes in an ideal world I'd take the hint and stop playing my games but hey, mental health doesn't just do what you want it to and I don't currently have a replacement calming thing...

But you guys?  I had NO idea how often I use my left thumb.  It's crazy.

Because yes, it hurts to use and I have no strength with it due to the pain.  It's really also very hard to fully heal because of said constant use.

I thought about going to see a hand physio but thought I'd first try letting it rest.

I'd wake up some mornings with it really hurting and it took me a while to figure out that when I read in bed at night, I almost always lie on my right side with the book hanging over the side of the bed and yes I hold it open with my thumbs.  No can do anymore boss!

So I've had to adjust to reading this big hardcover book either one handed or weird handed... holding open the left side with a fist or a finger... it's not ideal.

So I've been trying to let whatever got hurt rest and heal and it's moved from pain pain to throbbing pain which I tell myself is healing (but I don't really know).

I don't know if I should go see someone about it to find out how to avoid it happening again (besides not using the thing, which I'd like to do... it's hard to be down one thumb!)

I'm about a month (three and a bit weeks) out from when I noticed the bad and it's still not 100% but it's improved.  

So yeah, I shouldn't be allowed to take care of myself, I keep breaking things!