Shaken

I woke up this morning from two intense dreams - one happy, then one not happy and I'm still feeling shaken and not ok.

The first dream or portion of dream was basically a high school reunion.  My friend had arranged for anyone who wanted to to go to a movie and I decided to go even though I was anxious of course.  And it turned out I loved seeing old friends and old boyfriends or guys I liked and everyone was recognizable and I didn't talk to anyone but the dream made me realize I wanted to reconnect with a bunch of people... in the dream anyway (I'm not sure about reality.)  But what a happy feeling that was - going and feeling proud that I went and seeing people who brought up happy memories and thoughts.  People brought spouses and friends so it's not like I knew everyone but you get the point I think.  And no, I have no idea what theater it was or what movie we saw.

The second one was the one that has me still not ok.  My brothers and I were with my Mom to prepare things for my parents getting remarried the next morning (I'm pretty sure it was a renewal rather than anything else) and as we're planning or prepping my Mom took out this little joint (we'd have called it a "pinner" back in the day) and starts puffing on it and passing it around.  My mind was blown.  "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?" I asked, absolutely shocked (you'd have to know my Mom's history with this stuff to understand my dream shock) and she said "In a sex shop with [name]" and I was like what?  And then she sadly looked at my eldest brother and said "you should tell them what we both already know." And it turns out that my Mom had an affair with a much younger man a while ago and cheated on my Dad and that's when I think I tried to wake up to get out of that awful feeling of that silence of having just learned something awful and, well, while I'm certain none of this is true and all that jazz, I still just feel awful and so very unhappy.

My Dad's having a surgery next week so I assume my brain gave me "family stress" as a dream due to that real life stress but still... I wish I hadn't had that dream you know?