Uncertain And New

I've asked someone to come to my place and give a quote for installing window films that would (apparently) help block out SOME UV-caused heat.  

I checked with my building manager and she said it should be ok/allowed as long as not visibly dark.  I've been saving up for a year, without having any idea how much it might cost.  And I'm feeling incredibly nervous (anxious?) about it.

I'm trying not to think too too much about it, the nervousness, because that feels like it might make it worse or more intense, but the nerves/anxiety are due to never really having done this before.  Contacting the company was fine, I just sent an email, but knowing the whole deal is going to happen this week has had me on edge since I booked it.

You may be scratching your head about why on earth I'd be nervous, but it's a thing I've not done before and those have always been nerve-making for me and since the anxiety became a capital t Thing it's even more intense.  Like I've never had someone in my home before to give a quote.  I feel uncomfortable.  I'm not sure why?  Just ... because?  I can walk myself through it.  They will show up, they will buzz my apartment, I will let them in, I will bring them inside my apartment, there will likely be questions and small talk and then they will leave and I will get a quote and make a decision based on price and my ability to cover that price.  This... on paper is SO not a big deal.

Which honestly is part of the internal struggle for me when I'm anxious about things... *knowing* that it's not really seeming like something worthy of anxiety and then I sort of get mad at myself and that makes it worse.  Especially if it's something I can compare to how it/I "used to be", then it's just a crap feeling and I get down on myself and yeah... 

So I'm trying not to get too spun out and not think too much about it but I'm nervous and trying to tell myself that I can do it (obviously) and it doesn't matter if it's weird or uncomfortable (to me or the person) and once I've done it if there's a next time I'll (in theory) be calmer about it.  

I wish everyone knew how hard people living with anxiety disorders work to do what seem like very basic things.  We're fucking hard workers for sure.  And again, I say fuck whoever said "feel the fear and do it anyway" cuz having someone come give a quote for your apartment is not the same as jumping out of an airplane and I don't want to feel like I'm looked down on for "fearing" simple life things.  I do "do it anyway"... almost all day almost every day.  Existing can be terrifying and I keep trying.  (And it sucks.)