Stuck

I don't know what to do on days like this and I'm sitting here thinking that maybe I should have a plan.

Today is a day off for me.  I have no work, I have no appointments, I have no plans or commitments.  Nada.  

I fell asleep last night (with assistance) at a reasonable time and seemingly slept ok.

But I woke up this morning "off".

I let myself sleep in, which was nice, and then when I woke up my neck said HA HA SCREW YOU and was kinked.  Which kind of put me in a little bit of a not great mood to start.  But I tried to shake it off.... made my tea, did my normal morning things...

Even made sure to take a calming medication (which I don't always do on non work days).

And I just don't feel "ok".

I feel off.  Anxious?  Worried?  Like I'm going through waves of completely unexplained anxiety? (Unexplained in this case meaning I don't have a specific thing to attach it to like work or an appointment).

I am aware that there are a number of things in my life I feel not ok with - stuff with Jason, the aging of my parents, work, money, the "recession", housing, rent, my health and body aches, etc etc.  "Generalized anxiety" someone might say.  "Living in a crazy world" someone else might say.

But the point is I don't feel great and I don't know what to "do" about it?  Maybe purposefully "not do" about it?

But like I'm lacking a semi fool proof plan.  I don't feel like "letting" myself just do nothing (which is a pretty darn viable option on a day like today).  I don't feel like taking more calming medication but maybe I should?  I don't know.

I'll do some gentle/minor exercise at some point and that may help.  I've not eaten stuff I'd call particularly helpful or healthy and maybe if I did that would help?

But this HUMMMMMMMMMMMM of anxiety in my system really throws me off and I feel like I sort of get caught in non helpful habits (like I'm just going to hunker down and be online in various places and ways and probably spin out even more?) rather than trying maybe something I wouldn't normally do (or often do) because sometimes it feels like that's too much or I talk myself out of it in some way (often not wanting to bother someone else?)

I don't know.  I just want to feel a little better but I don't quite feel awful enough to say take a serious medication helper so I don't know.  It's icky.  For me.

But to quote a Tragically Hip song... it also a little bit feels like I've tried nothing and I'm out of ideas.