Internalized

I have always resisted being part of something that is based on the fact I am a woman/female.

Like, I got accepted into the Engineering program at a big University and they invited myself and some other gals out to a "Women in Engineering" welcome day and the whole thing just rubbed me so much the wrong way I didn't follow through.  (Sure, perhaps I was intimidated by the hard work it would entail but what stuck with me was not wanting to be special due to my gender.)

On a social media app I'm on there has been a "trend" the last while of "women supporting women" and you're meant to comment and get followed if you are a woman.  I.  Haven't done that.  I'm heavily resistant to it, even if I want to get more eyes on my art or whatever.  

And it bugs me that I feel this way because it almost feels like some sort of dislike of being female which I don't think is accurate.  I'm sure some would tell me it's internalized misogyny and maybe so but I just don't like it.

I suppose at the end of it I just want to be recognized for what I can do rather than something about me.

And yes, I know there are systems that have re- or o-pressed women (and many many MANY other groups) but still.  It just feels weird and sits wrongly with me and I don't know if it's something I need to work through or something I'm just ok with being a thing for me.