So, That Happened

So the American election went the way I didn't want it to go.  I'm not ok.  Most of my family, friends and loved ones (and colleagues and acquaintances) are not ok.  I don't want to breach the privacy of someone you don't really (hopefully) know but I think it might have pushed Jason over the edge (if the calls I got at the end of last week are any indication) which means I am really really really not ok.

I am trying to be present and mindful and "here now" but functioning is proving difficult.  Not kidding. The idea of procuring, making and eating food is overwhelming.  But so is the idea of ordering in or doing takeout.  But food is fuel.  Food is good for me.  Food is something I "should" do.  And more than just the junk food type snacks I have munched on here and there.

Yesterday was Remembrance Day and I feel like all those people who gave the sacrifice of their life for a better, safer, kinder world gave their lives in vain.  That's not fair to say but it's feeling that way right now.  We are better than this.  The collective "we" of humanity.  And to be feeling like I'm wrong in that belief is killing me.  

And no, Canada's not some magic safe haven, just look at how our last provincial election went and how our next federal election is likely to go.  Fear and hate (and greed) are taking over and I don't feel like I can even fry an egg for lunch when everything is THIS not ok.

God I miss the days of two weeks ago when there was still hope, even if I was telling myself not to hope.  The reality of what has happened is feeling like a slap in the face of any amount of hope I was allowing to breathe.