This Month

Wow this month was a doozie. 

I'm laughing as I think this because I thought this was a thirty day month but it's a thirty one day month so tomorrow's actually still May but hey, close enough to matter right?  Right.  This month was a doozie.

I don't remember what I may have written about (heh.... may... May... heh) and I could probably look and maybe I will but I do know I only got a handful of posts out this month.  

This month started with heat.  That messed with me.  And by "messed with me" I really mean "completely fucked me up".  I was so grateful when that heat broke and the rest of this month was decently weathered.  This last week has actually been almost cold?  I mean not *actually* cold but temperatures that made me very happy and breezes that weren't warm and nights that had my room cold enough to not interfere with sleep.  I really needed that.

Sleep, it seems, is something that kept fucking with me this month.  I only half mentioned it but I did a sleep study, or I attempted to do a sleep study and I did not sleep a wink that night and it was awful and really really hellish and that night of complete not sleep was so much worse than the nights where I say "I didn't sleep" but now know that honestly not sleeping is so so so much worse than a really bad night's sleep or a night where you don't sleep much or don't sleep well or don't sleep deeply.  

A few weeks after the fact, after I had some kind of (existential?) breakdown (no, really) the counsellor I saw said she figures that night of no sleep dis-regulated me (let's pretend that's professional speak for "completely fucked me up!") and I just never quite got re-regulated or whatever and so when the really bad weekend happened it wasn't totally about that weekend, it was all the things leading up to it.

But yeah.  A rough rough month.  Without jinxing anything, I'm happy that my physical body has handled it all as well as it has.  (I did back it up with like Cold-FX and hydration and food and at least mild exercise so good on me for that.)  

I feel like I'm a year behind in story telling and so that makes it hard to know how far to back up and how much to gloss over (or not.)

June's next.  People here lament a weather phenomenon they like to call "June-uary" and you can bet I'm hoping June lives up to that chilly name.  Monday and Tuesday of next week are forecast to be warm, which fuuuuuuuuuuuck for me and yay for many others.  

For the record, I have put another chunk of money into things I am hoping may help me do a bit better with the heat this summer....

I got not inexpensive noise cancelling ear pods (yes you know the brand name, no I don't need to advertise for them) and when I had my air conditioner on at the start of the month it was seriously incredible how well they cancelled that hum.  Will I manage to wear them for hours a day when I need to?  I'm not sure.  But at least I have them to try, you know?  We'll see.  So that was a chunk of change.

I also bought some not inexpensive but well reviewed "portable blackout curtains" that attach to the window with the hope that fully blacking out the sun hitting my delicious windows rather than putting the blinds down and a blanket *over* the blinds... which doesn't help all that much, but a little may help.

My bedroom is the place I need to be the coolest (so I have a better shot at sleeping) and I don't have plants in there so it's not a problem if it's black in there all day.  I'm still not sure what to do about trying to move air in there as I usually try to bring air in from outside in the evening but I also know that when it gets how it gets (warm and stifling) there isn't cool air to bring in so I'm not sure if I can improve my bedroom situation but we'll see.....

I also invested in some Dyson fans.  They have a new smaller one that I'm going to try in my bedroom (It's ordered but not here yet, so I won't have it for the hot couple of days next week.) with the hopes that the "bladeless" fan might allow me to sleep with it going?  I've never been able to sleep with a fan on as somehow the moving air bothers me enough to keep me awake (even though I can sleep through a wind storm that might blow into my bedroom windows?!)  So again this is an untested hope, like the ear pod buds things..... Really hope it helps and hoping I didn't just "waste" money, you know?  

I also got a regular sized Dyson fan for my main room (I think) to try to avoid relying on box fans which also have a noise that drives me nuts.  

I mean this is all just me trying things.  Trying things that cost money and I am not super sure yet if they'll work or help but I am desperate to not just suffer through another summer.  So it's like every year for the last few years (maybe since the heat dome?) I've tried to purchase something else I hope will help.

So my fingers are crossed.  And I'm so grateful for the cool we've had the last while.  (I mean I have put away and brought back out my fuzzy pj bottoms three times and I'm wearing them and have a hot water bottle on my back as I type this, I'm so happy about it.)

And yeah.  This month was a doozie.