Oh, No Thank You!

In the "please tell me that did not just happen" category, I might have just been bitten on my butt.  

Well, not my butt exactly, but like on my back around where you might think your butt area starts.  So... on my lower lower back/upper buttock.  

I have a pair of fuzzy PJ bottoms that I wear after I get out of bed and before I put on "outside" clothes.  You know, the clothes I will wear in public.... aka outside.

Well this morning, I had had them on for about an hour, doing my morning stuff when OUCH!  A sharp, like sharp sharp pain happened in that area.  I immediately stuck my hand down there to see what I had poked myself with but all I could feel was the tag of the pants which wasn't sharp in anyway.  Um... what just happened?  I wasn't sitting at the time so it's not like I sat ON something.  Oh no, did something bite me?  Oh lord I hope not.

But just in case, I threw those pants right in the laundry basket, and changed to a different pair of fuzzy pants and then went and washed the area and tried to look at it in the mirror (which is hard to do) and then I put some just in case lotion on it and that made it start feeling better but you guys?  I do not want to consider the fact that something may have bit me becuase it got INside my clothing.  Nope nope nope.

So, uh, probably like a bedsore or something right?  RIGHT?  (Gah)

But yeah, the ointment helped make it feel better and I really don't like the idea that I might have gotten bitten so we're just going to ignore this post and pretend none of this happened and hope it's all just totally normal and ok.  Ok?  Ok.  

F*ck

I woke up this morning (it's Sunday morning just after 8:30am) and immediately started having a panic attack.  As you might guess, this sucks.  A lot.

I had gone to bed rather anxious, honestly mostly about the fact that it was Saturday night which meant I was going to wake up and only have one more day off before I had to go to work and yeah it seems like that's the panic I'm dealing with this morning - I have to work.

I'm here, because I'm trying something different this time.  This panic attack.  Usually I go straight to taking something to get the anxious feelings under control and managed (it's what I've been told to do, to get that "help" in my system rather than trying to fight it and it lasting longer) but it's been a high anxiety week and honestly those helper meds haven't done much, so I didn't want to start my morning with them and have them not work and then not know what to do.  So I finished my morning stretches (I dont' think I've mentioned them here yet, will make a note to do so) and then sat down and did a "panic SOS" meditation from my meditation/mindfulness app, and now I'm here writing.  To see if that somehow helps in any way.

Ironically, I also took my blood pressure, which I've been asked to monitor (I also haven't mentioned that, I know) and it was great.  Like GREAT.  Maybe a fluke or maybe the five minute meditation?  I really thought it would be wild and elevated seeing as how my system is in freak out mode and it feels like my heart is racing etc etc (my heart rate was a little bit elevated but not much...)

Am I feeling calmer?  About an hour after the panic attack started, give or take?  Yeah, a little.  I discovered about half a year ago that these episodes seem to take about an hour to chill.  Which I don't always remember in the moment but it's been just under an hour now and I do feel calmer.  I did try to feel calmer too though.  But yeah, I'm still not calm.  Or great.  Or ok.  But now I think I'd say I'm really anxious rather than in a panic attack.  Will I take something later this morning?  Probably.  Will I go to the pool for an exercise class?  I'm genuinely not sure.  (It might help a bit or the process of it might feel like too much and panic me, so I'll see, I've got a couple of hours to decide/choose.) 

Well Then!

Two dentist cleanings ago (so about this time last year?) the new-to-me hygenist mentioned that I had some staining on my teeth.  Now I'm not a coffee drinker, but I do drink decaf tea and I do not like the idea of my teeth being stained by that!

So I looked into it and people suggested drinking through a straw and I figured a metal straw would taste gross and a heat safe silicone straw was weird somehow (and maybe microplastics) so I got some glass straws for my tea. 

I asked my brother if his kids (teens) would like the extras (it was like a 12 pack or something, some straight, some with a bend) and he declined saying it was too much of a danger risk.

I thought this was odd as the girls seem old enough to deal with not dropping things or not stepping on broken glass but whatever.  I stored the extras away in a cupboard.

I've been happily using my glass straw for my tea and hopefully (she hasn't mentioned it again?) my teeth aren't having the same staining they used to....

But fast forward to yesterday.  I was (probably doom-) scrolling the interwebs and came across a story post (a video/reel/story/whatever) of a young lady in the back of an ambulance and she explained that they were taking her in for surgery as she'd swallowed something that morning and noticed her glass straw (!!!!) was missing a chunk.  A chunk of glass that she swallowed when it randomly, suddenly, unknowingly broke.

Um, yeah no.  I'm not doing that.  Nope.  Not risking that.  Nope.  Nuh uh.

I immediately ordered some silicone and some metal straws to try and if neither of them work for me flavour wise, I will go back to having mildly stained teeth rather than risk SWALLOWING GLASS SHARDS!!!!

So now I guess I understand where my brother was coming from... not a "drop on the floor" and break kind of concern, but a literal, having glass in your mouth that may break concern.  D'oh.

I just assumed they made them carefully enough that that wasn't a risk and maybe I bought the kind that are the lowest risk, but even if it's an overreaction I'm not willing to keep wondering and maybe playing with fire (glass) when there are other options and it's not a huge deal to try other things and not risk my internal health and organs.  You know?

So yeah... the *the more you know* logo can go here and I'm now recycling some glass straws. 

Grateful the story hit my feed and that I've been, knock on wood, so far really fine.  Maybe I'd continue to be just fine, but.... easy enough to make a different choice.  Thanks for looking out for me Universe! 

Hellooooooo*

*Mrs Doubtfire voice

I know I've been quiet here lately.  Most of my energy right now feels like it's going into other things.  Some of that has to do with me feeling rather emotionally low and occasionally miserable and not wanting to write or talk about that but also not having the energy to fake neutrality or something.

I mean I'm ok.  Or "ok" in quotation marks maybe, and I suppose the shortest explanation is that a few months ago I started a new type of counselling (at the recommendation of my psychologist) and it has dug up some pretty heavy stuff that has left me quite heavily depressed (for lack of a better term.)

When I mentioned this low low mood to the counsellor she said that yes, that made sense as I was grieving.

Which.... ok, fine, I can accept that but I'd also like to not feel this way?  And also also I have to get through my day to day and keep functioning as an adult who lives alone (and therefore has to do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning and stuff and things?)

But yeah, I know I've not been writing.  I'm trying to get there.  Which maybe entails me giving myself permission to 'whine' about the blah and the meh and the low.

Beyond that, how the BLEEP is it the end of November already?  You tell me! 

 

I'm Tired

A lot of people seem to have *felt* this time change more than usual.  Or maybe it's just co-incidence and we're all struggling with the world feeling like it's diving towards something we can't get it out of?  Or a few somethings.....

Like, I know the time change messes with me.  But I have also had some heavy counselling sessions.  Like good to get this stuff out and in the open but hard and depressing and tiring too.  So is it the extra long darkness or the inner mental heaviness or the world or a combination of all of the above?

I'm tired right now because it's almost bedtime (I'm typing this out at 9:30 at night) and I've been pushing myself to stay awake for probably an hour and a half because it feels like if I go to bed when I'm sleepy (like 8pm tonight) it won't necessarily result in a full night's sleep and I'm not willing to risk that on work nights, you know?  Or most nights if I'm honest.  So I'm tired tonight.  At the time of typing this.  And it's now an appropriate time to head to bed so yay me, I made it all the way til bedtime and I hope I sleep super well and that you do too... whenever you get around to reading this.

Pink? Pink.

I don't know why, or when, or how, but especially why... but my favourite flavour of a candy called Starburst has changed.

For the first time in my life, the pink flavour is now my favourite by a long shot.  I still get mouth sores if/when I eat too many of them but at least now I really enjoy the pink flavour a lot while I'm getting those mouth sores!  Whoops!

I used to not like it at all.  But apparently times and tastes change.  Wild! 

Oh Please Why Won't You Learn?

We have raccoons in our neighbour hood.  Always have.  I would imagine we always will.

Raccoons have that nickname of "trash panda" and our raccoons (the generations of them) live up to that name.  They rifle in our garbage and find food and food scraps that SHOULD NOT BE IN THERE WE HAVE COMPOST BINS FOR A REASON (ahem) and when there are young/small raccoons and the bin has been recently emptied... the raccoons get stuck.

When a young raccoon is away from its mother/family, it cries.  Scream cries, really.  And it's loud and non stop.  I'm sure I've talked about this before.

I think we have two (at least) families of raccoons around this year and the babies are particularly vocal.  Very screamy.  And they keep getting stuck in the bin.  

My neighbour found a board that would allow raccoons to use it to climb out of an empty or nearly empty bin and she put it near our back door with a sign explaining what it was for (and asking if folks could try to keep the bin lid down... even though we have non residents to come by to dig through the trash and leav it open, any little bit helps, really.)

So after game seven of the World Series on Saturday I heard that all too familiar and all too loud screaming sound coming from the garbage bins.  Sigh.  So after waiting an hoping they were just lost, I went out to check if one was indeed stuck in the garbage bin but no, it was too tiny little adorable raccoons stuck and terrified in the bottom of the bin.  Sigh.

I opened both lids.  Tried to sound friendly and reassuring (I don't know if it helped).  I dragged the ramp out from inside and positioned it in the bin, stepped back and waited.

About 5 or 10 minutes later, one of the babies escaped, YAY!

I double checked... still the second one in there.  Frozen in fear.  Shoved up against the far end, not moving, not making a sound.  Like I said literally frozen in fear.  "Flight/fright/freeze/fawn" in action.  

I waited.  It started to rain.  I needed to pee.  I went inside, did what needed done (including grabbing a rain jacket) and went back out.  I'd hoped that in those few minutes baby two would have escaped but when I went to check it was still in that frozen position against the far wall.  I tried to encourage it to move.  I readjusted the "ramp" so it was closer to the baby.  I kept thinking that every time I poked my head over the edge it just started the "freeze" cycle all over again.  I knew, or felt that this little one was too terrified to use the escape ramp right at its feet.  I thought about the anxiety metaphor playing out in front of me.  (Too terrified to see the thing that would make the situation better literally right in front of you... too scared to move.  It sucks.)

I thought I might have to manually move the little dude but also know that when push comes to shove they fight and bite and scratch and, I don't have a welder's glove casually on hand, you know?

My neighbour had been watching the game at her Dad's but got home about 40 minutes later (after I'd gone out) and she got a rubbermaid bin she'd stored in her trunk (for exactly this reason) and put it in instead of the ramp and still the baby was too frozen.  So... she took the ramp and shoved it down between the baby and the bin wall (it was flattening itself as much as possible, poor thing) and gave it a shove.  The baby reacted to this.  SNARLING AND HISSING AND BITING AND KICKING.  "Fight" in action.  And as often happens with fear and anxiety, the rush of FIGHT FOR MY LIFE kicked in and the raccoon "suddenly" was able to run to the rubbermaid and use it to haul itself up to the edge and escape the bin. 

I felt badly.  That kind of stress isn't good for any creature.  And I know what it's like to be that scared.  And we really had been trying to help.  So we closed up the bin and put all the things away and what I find myself wishing now is that the stress of being stuck and "attacked by human scary monsters"  would be enough to keep those raccoons out of our garbage bin but I also know that a food source is a food source and there is no way that they are going to stop getting food from that bin.  

The slightly better news is that as we throw away more garbage, the bin will get fuller and for a few days or a week they'll be able to get both in and out and the screaming should be less.

And maybe, as my neighbour hopes, once the young ones grow, they'll be able to make their way out of an empty bin like we assume the mother does (not having actually seen whatever's happening in person.) 

So this is, I hope, a temporary thing that we deal with a few months of the year (most every year?) but I still wish it wasn't happening, but I can not control other humans (who leave the bin open) and I can not control animals (who have a solid food source) and I'm glad I have at least one other neighbour (it's often neighbours from other buildings who get annoyed by the noise and try to find some way to help the stuck ones out) who is eager to help (and stop the noise and help the babies).

But yeah, that's how I ended my world series game seven night.  By trying to rescue two young raccoons from a fairly empty giant garbage bin.  Saturday nights, ya'll!  Wild even after all these years! 

Oh, And?

While I'm waxing poetic about baseball, let me just say that this World Series absolutely f*cked with my sleep.  Like majorly.

Starting with game three that went EIGHTEEN innings and didn't finish until almost 12 am on *this* coast (I don't even want to think about the Jays fans on the East coast, gah!) I didn't actually manage to fall asleep at all that night and that messed with me incredibly.  (Younger people, if you can function after an all nighter, enjoy that, eh!)

And then when things were close or rough on a game, I wouldn't fall asleep that night either.  Even if it ended at a reasonable hour (8:30 or 9) I'd somehow not settle enough to sleep that night.  So I think I'm half hoping that with baseball done for a while I might settle back into a more regular and more decent sleep pattern.  Because yeah, I'm pretty sure that watching the World Series didn't let me sleep and that's just not on!

So, Yeah....

When I was in high school, the Toronto Blue Jays (a baseball team) won the World Series (the final championship series) two years in a row.  Do I remember particularly watching the games?  No.  But I do remember the hype and the excitement and the joy.  Somewhere in a storage bin I have a Coke can with the Blue Jays champions win on it.  So yes, I have memorabilia from that team and that series.  And as I generally do with sports, I've always been a Blue Jays fan as they are the only remaining Canadian team in the MLB.  (It's how I also cheer if/when I watch hockey BTW.  Canucks first, and then whichever Canadian teams are still playing once playoffs come.  Although I did kind of give up on the Canucks after the fans rioted that one year... and once the game changed enough that I didn't recognize in the same way as when I was a kid.)

We weren't really a baseball family growing up although I do remember having to sit through games my brothers were playing (BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRING!  I think I played nearby rather than watched them!) And as I think I've mentioned before I've always enjoyed baseball and the stories and the players (and the movies!) but certainly without cable I've never watched it full on.

I mentioned this earlier this year but Jason had me come watch the World Series last year and that's when I got attached to the Los Angeles Dodgers (who beat the New York Yankees last year to win the World Series) and because Jason is a huge baseball person he bought a year's subscription to MLB.com and shared the log in with me so that I could, if I wanted, watch an entire season's worth of the Dodgers this year.  Which I started to do.  And then became utterly attached and invested in the folks on the team!

Now for me, baseball is time consuming.  A game is generally three hours.  Which is fine a few nights a week, but I do not have it in me to watch multiple teams.  On TOP of that, there are all sorts of broadcasting rules and blackouts and annoying things so the (Canadian) Blue Jays team games were on a completely different streaming service and one that I did not have and did not want access too.  As the season went on I got more and more attached to the Dodgers players and their stories and struggles and talent.  And I got stressed when they didn't do as well.  I wanted them to win again.  They were good enough to do so.  And then they struggled.  And I stressed.

At times during the year the Dodgers would play a team and there would be a blackout on MLB.  A couple of times I paid for a month's worth of this streaming service or that streaming service (Apple or Sportsnet) to watch them play a team or a game or three.  I got attached to the lovely commentators on SNLA via the MLB app.  

Then came post season.  For sure my first time watching a post season all the way through.  My two main teams, the Dodgers and the Blue Jays were on "opposite" ends of the brackets.  MLB didn't have rights to the Post Season so I paid for the Canadian Sportsnet for the month (it turned into two months go figure!) and that allowed me to watch as many post season games as I wanted to.  But again... see above... baseball is time consuming.  

But hey, look at this!  The Dodgers just made it into the post season.  The Blue Jays made it into the post season.  And the scrappy Mariners, who had never made it to the World Series also made it to the post season.  And the Mariners are in Seattle which is a hop, skip, and a jump from here so I started rooting for them as well.  (Plus, when you watch a full season your team plays everyone and you get to know each team and the characters on that team pretty well.)

I got stressed by the Dodgers games.  Their pitchers had been struggling for the last few months.  I didn't trust that they'd actually do it.  But they did.  Made it to the World Series.  Phew.  

And then the Blue Jays played the Mariners.  I was torn.  I REALLY wanted the Mariners to make it.  For their fan base, and for the guys on the team.  But especially for their fan base.  But I also wanted the Blue Jays to make it.  For the entire country.  And for me, who had cheered them on in high school.  And for what seemed to be a really sweet collection of guys who had been, some of them, friends for years.  I told myself I'd be ok which ever one of them won but I kind of wanted the Mariners to have it.  But also the Blue Jays.  It was uncomfortable and while I was sad the Mariners didn't take it, I was happy to see the Blue Jays advance.  As was most of Canada!

It was awesome to see the country (sure, not everyone) come together in hope.  To see Blue Jays hats and shirts and gear being worn out and about and to call out "Go Jays!" to that person and share smiles and happiness and hope and pride. 

But my Dodgers.  I'd followed them all year.  For the first time ever!  I wanted them to see it through! 

Jason bought me a (knockoff... important to say because authentic jersey prices are ridonkulous!) Dodger jersey of my favourite player.  

I bought myself a Blue Jays shirt. (And a Dodgers hat for summer... ahem.... my gear suggested I preferred the Dodgers two to one!)

And then the series started.  It was good ball.  Sometimes way more so by one team than the other (Dodgers I'm looking at you for a few games there, GEEZ) In the end it stretched to seven games, which is awesome (and how I think final series should go!) and there was an 18 inning game in there (that's two games in length in one night!) and the final game seven went into extra innings too and was a nail biter and so the whole series was great baseball and some have been saying it was one of the best World Series ever.

But you guys?  I don't think I enjoyed it!?

I wanted both teams to win.  But a tiny little bit more wanted the Dodgers to win.  But I was either too stressed by the game or stressed that one would win and the other would lose, or sad that the Dodgers weren't playing up to snuff or legitimately wanting the Blue Jays to win so that all of Canada could celebrate the win (and at a time where we really do need a big win....)  So I think it was really hard for me to be IN the watching because I was so stressed OUT by the watching. 

My counsellor has been on holiday (if we call it that?  break?) for several months now, but I know if I had been seeing him he would have talked to me about not being so wrapped up in the games.  So I know how I felt about it all wasn't healthy.  I mean I was there.  It wasn't fun.  

I also know that watching sports involves some stress.  Most everyone who was talking about the series was stressed.  Lots of "jokes" online about blood pressure and heart attacks and I think some of that wasn't actually jokes.... just saying.  So I'm not saying that I think I *should* have been neutral and joyful during the games but I was way too attached and didn't get a lot of fun out of it.  Or not as much as I would have liked to.  For example?  When I was watching the final game and the Dodgers were behind, I was crying that they weren't going to win.  But I knew I'd be happy for the Blue Jays to win.  I also wanted it to be an exciting end, not a simple one, and well, it turns out I got what I wished for there!

When the Dodgers won, I wasn't happy.  I mean I was happy but in a melancholy way.  I was so sad for the Jays.  And for the Jays fan, new and old and even those who jumped on the so called bandwagon (I don't care about that, jump on up I say) and the loss of the joy all of Canada had been carrying and hoping for.  I KNOW that's sports, but it was so strange to me to not feel the joy of *my team* winning.  Because my team and my country and neighbours also lost.  I know, I get it.  This is sports.  Sigh.  It sucks.  But the team I spent all year wanting to win won and I just feel blah about it.  It's annoying.

I'm thinking I might watch game seven over again (now that I know how it goes) and see if I can enjoy the plays and the action more than I did on the night it happened.  I'm trying to be happy for the people of LA who likely needed the lift of a win after the fires they endured this year.  And I'm trying to be hopeful that there is "always next year" and I'm sad to find out that a lot of people don't like the Dodgers and have negative feelings about them (and their financial situation apparently) when I kind of just want us all to get along and enjoy sportsball and be friendly in our competition with each other.

I'm sad the Blue Jays lost, I really am.  They deserved this win.  And so did the Mariners.  They deserved to be in the World Series.  And to be fair, the Dodgers earned this win.  So when I see my counsellor next, maybe I'll ask why I can't be happy for how well everyone did and why I'm so sad that my team won and how I can maybe have a more joy filled time of this next year.  If I end up doing this again next year.  

I'm proud of the guys I watched all year.  I hope their bodies have a chance to heal up over the "off season" and I hope they don't trade away or let go too many guys from any of the teams I've come to love.  

But yeah... that happened.  And I feel like I'm feeling wrongly about it but that's how it is and as my neighbour said "it was really nice to be stressed and anxious about something not important" and at the end of the day?  Ain't that the fucking truth.  

 

So, November, Eh?

That's a thing that happened.  November showing up.  Which is essentially the holiday panic time what with Christmas being force fed to us ASAP of late.  

I think I lost a lot of October to the stress (like real actual stress) I felt watching the post season baseball this year (something I've never done before and not to this extent) so most of my evenings were stressing over the teams I wanted to win or enjoying the team I wanted to win doing well against another team.  And then the World Series itself was this last week and it was wild and a pretty heavy focus for me and the fact that the last came was on Saturday the first of November is, well, in part why October melted away.

But yeah.  It's November.  And again, like a broken record, it's the second to last month in a year that didn't start all that long ago, I swear.  

Dear (Cute) Plumber

Dear Cute Plumber in the Hallway of my Building,

Thanks for letting me know that my suite's "stack" wasn't blocked (although the stack across the hall from me was).  I thought you were terrifically cute, even before this good news, but because of how in my head I get I ran away to my place rather than continuing to chat with you.  So.... even though I (hopefully) appeared friendly and was smiling and chatting with you, my leaving the conversation was more out of fear of cuteness than anything else.  

Sorry for my ineptitude and lack of social skill normalcy!  I hope the rest of your day went well and the thing got fixed!
Victoria  

It Happened

Yes we had the time change (back an hour) but I really haven't slept well all week so I have no idea how I feel other than tired and like I didn't sleep well.

I know that as this week goes on, probably even starting today I'll start to get annoyed at the very short days and the long dark evenings but my sleep has been lame enough that I may not feel better or worse about the time change anyway (and I think it's the spring one that messes with me more?  I forget.  I guess we'll see, eh!?)

Yikes

After dragging myself out of bed and feeling exhausted and drained all day again yesterday (and already feeling exhausted and ugh this morning) I think I can safely assume and say that I have not yet recovered from not sleeping (at all) after the marathon baseball game on Tuesday (it was Tuesday wasn't it?)* 

And I think our clocks change this weekend so.... that'll get thrown in the mix and who knows when I'll stop feeling like I was hit by a truck that is still dragging me down the road! 

*A few hours later and I think it was Monday ;) 

I Don't Know Man

I'm three chapters and sixty something pages in to this book and I can't remember which (main) character is which.

Legit not sure if this is me not being focussed or the writing style or what. 

Sorry

Didn't get to write anything last night as I was watching a never-ending baseball game that went 18 innings (so double the usual number of innings) and then wasn't able to fall asleep anyway so now not sure if I'm awake or what....

Oh, Right....

It's half past nine in the evening on Sunday night as I type this and my thought was "oh dear, I haven't done any writing today or this weekend and I'd rather not have a nothing day tomorrow" so even though I'm trying to wind down for bed here I am.

I had intended to write this morning, but instead, I chose to try to book my covid and flu vaccines and ended up calling the vaccination support line and getting help through them and then realizing I booked one during work hours and so then having to change it and quite frankly by the time I had that all sorted and written in my planners and put on my calendars I was quite done and no longer in the mood.  I did put laundry on because, well, it had become a "get things done" kind of morning I guess.

So I suddenly have a Covid booster today (Monday) and since I didn't have a great time post "double shots" last year I'm doing them separately this year but the point I was about to make before I distracted myself was that I suddenly have a booster shot happening today and who knows how I'll feel the next few days (probably fine, right?) so at least this week will have one post out, you know?

We had some pretty intense weather this weekend.  Rain and wind wise.  Someone told me it was the tail end of a typhoon but I don't know.  I needed earplugs Saturday night to reduce the noise of the wind and Sunday mid day I came out of the shower to a TORRENTIAL downpour, so much so that in the time I had washed my hair, my windowsills and FLOOR were soaked!!!!  I had to close my windows to stop the rain from making puddles inside my place, it was wild.  Not for long, mind you, but quite a downpour for a bit.  I can't actually remember the last time there was rain on the floor in here.  I'm sure it's happened before but that was neato. (In part because I was home to wipe it up and not allow any damage!)

Oh, and it's Halloween week.  And World Series week.  And I really want my team to win but also my other team to win so all I know is that the blue team is going to win! (The Dodgers and The Blue Jays both are "blue" coloured teams in uniform and logo stuff)

Where The Streets

I haven't been to my water fitness class in a week due to the meds situation (but also having read that it might actually be possible to spread/catch a UTI from poorly maintained pools OMG KILL ME NOW) so this thought is a couple of weeks old, but there's one instructor who plays a lot of U2 and it got me thinking about how I've kind of gone off U2.

When "Achtung Baby" came out I listened to it NON STOP.  I LOVED it and loved the songs.  One... Mysterious Ways..... and Love is Blindness especially.  I still probably have the CD around somewhere.  But for whatever reasons, I no longer really enjoy listening to U2 and even those songs.  (Some of their early stuff I'm still good with.)

Maybe it was over saturation?  Maybe it's me having grown and changed?  I don't know.  I just know that a band and songs that used to be heavy in my rotation are now not at all.  And that's a little weird.

There are plenty of songs and bands that I've listened to for decades, hundreds of times.  I'm not sure what did or didn't happen for me with U2.  (And yes, I was one of the many who were furious when we were given that one album on our apple devices that time without permission.)

Just a strange realization I had the other day while listening to some U2 songs and thinking that I used to really like them a whole lot more.

Weird, eh? 

Ironic

I never did tell you what happened with my upstairs neighbour and his extremely heavy footedness.

So I know I only wrote the one post about it but it was bad.  Not "I'll get used to it" kind of noise, but really really stressed me out "how can I live with this" kind of loud and shaking my place.

I mentioned in my post that I was considering leaving a note and man did I ever get worked up over what to say and how to say it.  I talked to a few people and of course they all had different ideas and suggestions about how to go about doing it and I ended up typing up a note and leaving it for a few days and then going back to it and adjusting it and then handwriting it in a card.

(Which I then smudged, and so tried to write out another version but it smudged too and so I just said fuck it, the neighbour is getting a smudged note.  Sigh.)

I very anxiously left it at his doorstep with a small gift (a slightly fancy chocolate bar) and I waited very nervously for him to get home (he parks next to me and if I try I can look out and see our vehicles.)

At a certain point later that day I heard a car pull in, I looked and it was him and I thought "oh man, here goes... he's going to read the note and I don't know what's going to happen but I bet it's going to be bad." (Anxiety tells you things are going to be bad... I assume in an attempt to protect you from the bad?)

And then there was a noise at my door.  (Had he read the note already?  That was fast!?) But the noise wasn't someone knocking, the noise was someone trying to get in.  (This has happened before in this apartment, people aren't paying attention and don't go up the proper number of flights of stairs!)

I panicked.  I did NOT want to have to talk to this person in person.  But... he kept trying different keys.  I started to feel bad.  So, I steeled myself and hopped up and opened my door.  And there in front of it was a nice looking, sheepishly apologizing man saying SORRY OMG!

We introduced ourselves, I said not to worry it happens from time to time and then as he turned to walk away I awkwardly said "I.. um.. I... left... I um... I left you a note upstairs?" he paused.... "You're um.... a little...." and I made some sort of I don't even know what motion that was meant to show "stomp stomp stomp" and RIGHT AWAY he said "yeah, I've been told I'm a heavy walker."  Which was a huge relief to me because it's better for me if someone knows (about the thing I have issues with) and has been told before and I'm not the first one telling them.

He left and a few hours later I found a card at my door thanking me for the warm welcome (I had tried to be friendly but honest in my note) and for letting him know about the noise and that he was ordering slippers that should help and to let him know going forward and giving me his number so we could more easily communicate.

What a relief.  And an irony.  That I stressed for a week or two over if I SHOULD or how COULD I talk to this person and how awful their reaction would be an if I might have to do something extreme or talk to management or, or, or!  And it turns out if I had just waited a few more hours he would have tried to get in to my apartment by mistake and I could have babbled the whole thing out in person.

I mean honestly I might not have gotten my point across in person so it's probably good that I wrote it down for clarity's sake.  But it's a pretty funny story all in all.

My brother, when I told him, said that it sounded like the start of a rom com and I will just politely say that I don't think that's in play here (I'm assuming some things here but yeah....I don't think we're each others' types.)

He is quieter, and I could tell right away that he was trying.  Which was really sweet.

Every few weeks there is an evening when things are a bit thumpier but all in all it's SO much better and as he said to me when I said I'm conflict avoidant (when he said talk to me any time about anything) good conflict is important and that's something I'm working on for sure.

She Was Just Kidding!

Mother Nature had hit us with a little COLD snap the other week and I can see the leaves changing colours and so for sure fall is here but then Mother Nature started giggling and said she was just kidding about it being fall and the other day I had to throw all my windows back open and the extra blankets and weighted blanket off and it was "too warm" again to fall asleep!  (It was 20 degrees in my bedroom rather than the 17 or 18 it has been of late... and just those couple of degrees makes a difference apparently!)

And I've gone out for walks a few times over the last week or so and ended up carrying the jacket I started out wearing.  On one (beautifully sunny) walk I ended up in just a t-shirt.  In the middle of October!  

We've had some rain too.  Sometimes pretty heavy.  But this month has been beautifully sunny and a nice temperature, even if a few nights have been suddenly too warm for what we've been used to! 

 

One More "Oh, And?"

When I saw my acupuncturist with my "something is not right with my bladder but I don't think it's quite a UTI necessarily?" and she did her thing and was like "yeah you need to talk to your doctor, don't mess around with these, something is for sure going on" and she got me a herbal thing to try (from a company I trust) and said to avoid citrus and then she said "and sugar."

I must have made a face or groaned or something because she paused and said "well, we're all only human but..." and I mean I KNOW.

Sugar makes the bladder a super awesome place for bacteria to hang out.  And you don't WANT them to hang out.  Ergo.... enough with the sugar Victoria!

But.... but... it's I mean... It's literally my fave?  

But you guys, holy crap the ways that sugar is terrible for your health.

Not in the "it'll rot your teeth and make you fat" oversimplified ways we (or I at least was) were taught as kids but in "allows bad bacteria to flourish" and "causes inflammation" and kind of makes everything worse kind of ways.

So did I avoid sugar while I was going through the treatment?  I'm sorry to say I absolutely did not.  Sigh.

I know sugar's a problem for me.  I was doing rather well with it early in the year but then got sick and I suppose in an attempt to give myself some hugs and love I got less strict and I know it's addictive and I know it's horrible and I know I should stop buying it but I struggle with that very much.

While I'm grateful I don't have a substance abuse type addiction, I know that the amount of sugar I consume is very unhealthy and that I, especially as I age and my body systems deteriorate, I really should reduce what I take in.  I won't say eliminate as I think that's unreasonable for me and black and white things rarely work well in the long run but I do think a strong reduction might help me in a lot of ways I'm not aware of.

Le sigh.