A Laundry Fiasco Of My Own Making

Sometimes I out think myself or I think of a great idea and then it doesn't turn out quite that way! (Humans you know?)

My building has a laundry room with two (paid) machines of each type (two washers, two driers.)

Kind of to save money, I do a lights load and a darks load and then one dryer load.  

And I try to do my laundry at times when I'm unlikely to be competing with others for the machines, but also in a timely enough way that I don't run out of clean things!

So a few weeks back I was trying to do laundry but every time I thought I'd go do it, someone was already in the machines.

So I thought I would be SUPER SMART (tm) and I did a half load two weeks ago to (I thought) flip me out of the cycle of laundry doing that everyone else seemed to be in.  ME SO SMART.

A couple of days ago when I was dealing with "I just bought new sheets and am going to give my flannel ones to someone so I should wash them" but I also had my older old sheets in the laundry pile (the ones I had taken off to put on the flannels!) so yikes, that's three loads of sheets I'm going to do on top of my already pretty damn full double load.  Oh well, here goes.

So I step out into the hallway almost directly into the path of a neighbour who is just heading down to check if the machines are empty and she says oh you go, "no no" I say but she insists and so now, in my head, there is the pressure of knowing someone ELSE is waiting for the machines and this is exactly what I was trying to avoid by attempting to shift my laundry doing schedule.  Sigh.

But.. it is what it is and I actually skipped going to an exercise class at the gym to do "all this" laundry so I've committed now, here goes. My vague plan is that I'll do the dark load and a light load and put them in the dryer and then do the flannels (and maybe another set depending on how full things get) and then either have a second dryer or just add on to the first dryer depending on timing.  Ok, here goes.  Sorry neighbour, I feel like a hog!

I got the first two loads going but noticed that while the two machines had the same setting, one was going to do the wash in 35 minutes and the other would be done in 25 minutes.  Hmmm.  Oh well, I pressed start, heard the water going and went back upstairs.  

When my buzzer went off at 25 minutes I went downstairs to get the first load out and that's when I realized the "25" wasn't minutes?  It was the machine telling me I still needed to add 25 cents.

Which... isn't true.  I had added the correct amount but somehow it hadn't read that quarter but ALSO *not* spat it out (usually the coin thing spits out a coin it can't read).  I pressed the return thing and nothing happened so I put in another quarter and two popped out.  Weird.  I kept putting in a quarter (and getting it back) until the machine read one and then I realized I was in a predicament.  Because now I had one washer starting from the beginning and another finishing in like 7 minutes and I still had another load of laundry (sheets) I needed to put on (or else I wasn't going to have anything to sleep on that night!) Gah!  This now completely screwed up my drying situation.  I had three loads of wet happening/ending at three different times and I wasn't sure how to best handle it.

So I waited til load 1 finished and I put it in the dryer.  I then started load 3 in the empty washer.  I set the dryer going.

I came back down when load two was finished and tried to be smart knowing that I didn't quite have the brain power for this.  I pulled out whatever was dry in the first dryer load (some I found out when I got upstairs still needed some time so they got hung to air dry....sigh) and then I debated starting a second dryer load or adding the wet stuff to the half dry load and so I ended up putting the wet stuff in with the half dry stuff and adding extra time to the drier.

I then came down when washing load THREE was done and put it into the second dryer and checked the content of the first dryer (took out some dry things or pretty dry things I didn't want to wrinkle) and added more time to it so that the two dryers would end at pretty much the same time and then after how ever long that was I came back down, made sure everything was dry, made my bed, folded the sheets I was giving away and storing, put away all of my laundry, checked on the things I'd had to hang to finish drying and while completely sweaty and gross feeling and frustrated I delivered the sheets I was giving away to my neighbour.

And that's how I over-complicated what should have been a pretty simple three loads of laundry day and took nearly four hours to do it.  

(Things would still have been complicated but a little easier if I'd realized the "25" was asking for a quarter and not telling me a timeline!)

Today I Learned!*

*ok well it was last night but that's not as fun to say

I have a laptop stand that I use and have used for years to just keep a little bit of air flow and "cooling" under my laptop.  (By the way the company that makes this laptop says it is NOT a laptop it is a portable computer and we are not supposed to use it on our laps, nope!  To which I reply... guffaw!)

I got this stand a number of years ago at IKEA, it wasn't expensive, and it's light and it does it's job just fine, yay.

So yesterday I had sore thighs.  Like as if I had had an intense "leg day" at the gym, which I had not and so that evening I got a hot water bottle and put it on my thighs to try to get them feeling better and while I watched a show I let the heat soak in to my thighs.

Eventually (duh) I had to get up to pee and when I went to move my laptop aside it.... stuck?  What?  It was heavy?  I really wasn't sure what was going on!

Well it turns out that this laptop stand has a (had) little rubber foot thing along the one edge which makes TOTAL sense for non-slip factor, but the heat from the hot water bottle had melted it (I had no idea!) and that melt had stuck the rubber to the case of the hot water bottle (if you're a hot water bottle user, a case is the most delightful thing ever IMO!) and well, wow, I had not seen that coming!

If I knew the stand had a rubber footing band I had forgotten and I didn't think about the heat from the hot water bottle being "too hot" as it was mitigated by the cover and the pj bottoms I was wearing.  OOps!

I put the laptop aside and flipped the stand upside down so the rubber could stop melting and then I took the hot water bottle case, that I've had since FOREVER (honestly maybe high school or right after, it's old and worn!) and started picking and pulling off the melted rubber.  I pulled off as much as I could (really pulling out the fibers) and then cut/trimmed some and then put it in the wash to get off as much more as I could.

Now there is just one strip of black left on the case and I'm trying to be more aware of the fact that hot things make other things hot too, hello! And that could cause a melting you're not thinking of, oops. 

 

Oh, Well That Was Interesting!

A friend's kid was doing a fundraiser for their school trip and long story short I bought three things of frozen cookie dough to "help"!

I was super excited to have this cookie dough over the winter and holidays so that I could have easy access to sweets without having to go buy a chocolate bar or an over-priced cookie or something. Note: I do have a recipe for cookies that I have made and I guess I just wanted something a little easier?

Last week the delivery of said cookie dough was made and I was a little ... perplexed?

I'm not sure what I had expected, but a giant blob of dough in a resealable bag was not it.  (I say this with amusement rather than upset or anger.)

But yay, I could now make cookies right?  Right!  

Except... duh (to me) the dough is frozen.  Hmmm.... I can't easily take it out of the pouch/bag and cut it in half.  Maybe I could thaw it and make a dozen or two today and another dozen or two in a couple of days?  Yeah, ok that.  

So I let it thaw and then scooped out little balls of dough, which wasn't easy! And baked up the sugar cookies (I'm finding it hard to find a good sugar cookie out there!) and was mildly disappointed in the result.  (But I ate three or four anyway)

I then asked my neighbour if she'd like the full bag of chocolate chip dough and she checked the ingredient list, wasn't thrilled by it but said sure.

She made up some of those and messaged me that they tasted very chemically and would I like a couple?  I said NOPE! (with a laugh) and then noticed my stomach feeling a little bit not happy and like it's not like the ingredient list was gnarly or anything but it did include palm oil and some other things that the cookies I make at home don't use or have and while my neighbour took her cookies to her Dad's (who liked them) and is taking the rest to a New Year's party in a few weeks, I actually composted mine and the rest of the frozen dough because I am trying to eat healthier in general and reduce my sugar NEEEEEEEEED and even though it felt a little wasteful and a little bit like I threw the money away I'm telling myself it'll help some kids do something fun and that it's better to compost the thing that is upsetting my stomach than to eat a thing I didn't really enjoy that my body doesn't really want.

But yeah, I guess going forward I'll either stick to the very simple cookie recipe I have that I know I enjoy or I'll buy a cookie that someone else made or something that just isn't a sack of frozen cookie dough.

Was still a fun idea though and good on me, I guess, for trying.  

Internal Groan

I sat down to write just now and pulled out my sticky note that has my post ideas on it and they're all health related.

Which... makes me groan both because that's not really a delightful topic of interest to go over and over and because it takes a lot of brainpower for me to sort of think through the background and the explanation and the reasoning of whatever the health thing is.  

So while I *do* have ideas for blog posts I could write, right now they're all health things I've been dealing with and I really have to be in a certain mood and headspace to sit down and type that stuff out!

Crackle Crackle Shhhhhhh

This is probably a repeat of a story I've already blogged about but hey, who remembers with that much detail anyway!? (If you do I'm sorry!)

I've had an alarm clock radio since I was in high school.  Maybe before, but for sure high school, so this thing is probably 40 years old.  (It shows up as "vintage" if you try to find it on like Etsy or something, plus the shape is... triangular-ish! OoOOOooooOoh!)

You can have the alarm set to play you a tape (I stopped doing this a while ago for fear of it eating said tapes, but yes I do still have a shoebox of tapes somewhere) a buzz or the radio.  Other than when I used to have it play a tape I have had it on radio for.... decades.  Often, when I have some extended time off from work, when I go to turn the alarm back on it has like... lost the signal or something?  Like I'll usually but the alarm function back on on the Sunday before I have to go back to work as like a mini test and I'll be woken up by nothing... a low hum maybe which generally has me sitting up and thinking "well that's not ideal" as there's no guarantee that non noise would be enough to wake me up on a work day.  So then I fiddle around with the dial a bit until the radio station comes back in and sometimes, if I"m feeling really untrusting of it, I will turn on the back up alarm I have.  

Some mornings the radio alarm will be fine but then when I sit up to turn it off it'll crackle, like my body is interfering with the signal, it's cool!  EVERY random once in a while the system will have a little goof up and the radio will have a tiny bit of buzz to it and that's shockingly loud or the radio will come on at FULL VOLUME but the biggest thing I have to watch out for with this alarm clock is the fact that when it goes on vacation it seems to need an adjustment to get back into the correct flow of things.  Maybe it's more like us than we think!

A Non Problem, I Know*

Last winter I was pretty chilly for a good few nights.  If we remember, I ended up putting a plush like fleece blanket on top of my sheet and it was soft and cozy and I really liked it.  But also last year I thought about trying flannel sheets (C-Dawg swears by them) and being extra extra cozy with them.  I haven't had flannels in a long time but feel like I have vague memories of having them as a kid maybe?  Or something?  But last fall when I went to try to buy them they were sold out so I made a mental note for myself (I maybe even made a physical note on my laptop who knows!) and bought myself a pair in September.  I gave them a wash and tucked them away in a drawer and then last week I figured it might be cool enough for me to put on these magic fluffy warm cozy sheets yay!

Well, I mean they are less chilly than regular sheets, but they're also... not soft?  I mean they're soft but they're not smooth.  The first night I got in expecting (and hoping for) cozy bliss and it was more of a feeling of "ew, no" but I did my best to not think too much about the feeling of them and ok, sure, it was warmer without being warm?  Ok.  Then when I got ready for bed the second night I was actually really bummed to think that I "had" to try to fall asleep in those flannel sheets again.  I really missed my summer weight light and smooth sheets.  Sigh.

By the third night I really wasn't looking forward to bedtime and I started to think that maybe this wasn't a sheet type I was going to get through a couple of months with.  I started to admit to myself that I'm probably just not a flannel sheet person.  And that maybe this is why I don't own a pair and don't remember sleeping on them for..... ages.  This "I don't like flannel sheets and am not putting myself through a season of this discomfort" realization came right around that American-copied Friday sale and so I got myself a pair of slightly on sale non flannel sheets that, in theory, would be my alternate, non summer sheets.  I'd previously done a "feel" test on them in the store so I wasn't buying blind.  

They arrived last week and I gave them a wash (a fiasco I'll talk about another time!) and put them on my bed and oh the bliss when I got into bed that night.  They weren't as cool on my feet as my "summer cooling sheets" but they were soft and smooth and I knew I could transfer the fleece blanket to it's "reall cold" location when I needed to so I was happy.  

I was less happy the next night when I noticed that these sheets, um... pull?  No, that's not a good explanation.   They don't stay tight.  I do have this problem with my summer sheets but it usually takes a few days to start getting "loose" and it fixes right up when I wash them.  But these new ones are loosening up from the sides as I roll around and move around all night.  Bit of a bummer.  So so far when I go to remake my bed in the mornings, I'm also pulling the fitted sheet back down at the sides.  I don't love that and I'm annoyed I'm dealing with this but I'm still happier with these than I was with the flannels.  (And yes I did mention this to the store and they just sort of said "yeah...." and the sales lady said "that doesn't bother me at all!" Well... it bothers me so....)

Somewhat amusingly, when I started asking around for who might like my flannel sheets (I was indenting to give them away not sell them, and also you can't donate sheets to charities it seems, or at least not the ones I looked at) everyone I asked said "oh no thank you I don't like flannels for this reason or that reason!)  So it turns out that C-Dawg and her love of flannel sheets may be the exception not the norm!  But then again that bedding store did sell out last fall so it's probably not just her.  And for those who like or love flannel sheets I'm really happy for you.  I just guess I needed to learn or re-learn that they're not for me...... and not for quite a few people that I know!

The flannel sheets, by the way, ended up being given to a friend's friend who is moving and who wil have several spare bedrooms in their new place and so are happy to have "free" sheets for those beds. 

  

*With the knowledge and acceptance that I am fortunate and thankful to have shelter and a bed and to live in the comfort that I do.

Wow

Just popping in to say that after yesterday's pretty darn cold day and wind (I got out extra blankets for my couch y'all!) last night (once the wind settled I guess) it got quite warm (I removed all my extra bed blankets kind of warm!) and this morning it's so warm I have all my windows wide open and I'm down to a t-shirt and the blanket over my legs is a little too warm!

So a very mild night and day after a chilly one yesterday.  Go figure! 

Just Popping In To Say

That the weather here this morning has been OH so very moody!

I have already seen three rainbows since I got out of bed (about one an hour YAY!) and it has been sunny with blue sky patches and rainy with light purple clouds and it just keeps cycling through that and oh yes some wind too* (power outages last night in places I'm hearing) and so yes, a rather mixed messaging morning for the weather for sure.

 

*The wind has a bite to it, which is totally expected for December but also I sit next to one of my windows and my hands are cold while typing! 

The Pressure

This year started off weird.

I woke up on my (50th!) birthday in January with an out-of-nowhere (seriously, I felt fine the night before) bronchial infection (bronchitis was the best guess, and yes I needed antibiotics and an inhaler if I remember correctly) and then my parents caught Covid in February.  Before they tested and were just frighteningly unwell,  I went over (in an N95) to drop them off some meds and noticed that my Dad was checking his blood pressure.  I asked why, as my Dad and I have both always had very low blood pressure and he said that his was now elevated enough to monitor.  And Mom was monitoring hers too.

So, on a whim, I checked mine, which has always been almost stupidly low, and it was elevated.  Which for me, is a BIG change.

I bought a home machine.

I started to monitor my blood pressure regularly.  It was much higher than it has been all my life.  This concerns me.

I mention this to a naturopath I saw in early Spring.  She tells me this is normal for an aging body.  I still don't like it.

I mention it to my doctor later in Spring.  She has me monitor twice a day for a couple of weeks.  When I go back with this information she circles a few numbers and tells me that I don't have enough "concerning" readings for us to do anything about it.  She tells me what numbers are high enough to be worrying.  I keep monitoring.  And then I stop because I'm not hitting those "scary" numbers. Not often anyway.  I work on cutting back on the amount of salt I add to things.  Something my old doctor had told me to do when I was getting "blacking out" going on when I was standing up.  (A low blood pressure thing.) 

Not related, but relevant to the story.... one of my brothers had a not-quite-heart-attack a few years ago and I kind of forget but they might have put some stents in or something but he had heart blockages that were unusual for his age so they asked if I wanted to be part of a study to try to help reduce heart issues in families with a tendency for that kind of thing and so I've been monitored remotely, off an on by a Vancouver based Cardiologist for the last however many years.

We had a check in call a couple of weeks ago and when he asked if I had any heath changes since the last time we talked (two years ago) I mentioned that my blood pressure has been elevated compared to how it's been the rest of my life.  He asked me to monitor and record it for the next few weeks, which I've been doing and, uh.... awkwardly, it turns out my readings are lower than they were when I was monitoring in spring.

Now, there may be a couple of reasons for this.  One being that I have reduced my salt intake.  Not eliminated it, but I am aware of it and trying to change how much I take, especially how much I sprinkle on my food/meals.

But I also had the terrible thought the other day that spring was baseball season and this was my first year following a team and I found it stupidly stressful and now I'm wondering if baseball had my blood pressure elevated....??????

I mean I'll find out again in spring if/when I start watching again because my blood pressure right now is ok.  Not perfect, and not where it used to be "back in the day" but it's also lower than it was half a year ago with some readings actually back to what I'm used to.  So I'm wondering.

Could I be "allergic" to baseball?  And if so.... how do I learn to enjoy it without making my system a stressed out mess!?

The Spirit Is Not (Yet?) In Me (Weird How That Can Sound Creepy If You Let It)

It is December.  And in case you live in a place that is not Christmas-oriented, around here, that means CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY TIME FOR THE NEXT MONTH OH BUT ALSO THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Traditionally this is a tricky time of year for adult me and for whatever reasons, last year I really felt like being Christmassy so I bought mini lights and put them up and I got a mini light up tree thing and put it on my table and it was nice.

And right now?  As we wander in to December (the month of many holidays) I am not feeling it.  But not in a bad way just in a ... "shrug" kind of way.  (Hard to explain.)

I have written (and sent) my International cards and I'll likely work on my US and local cards this week.  (Our postal strike has resolved after a year of them having to struggle through negotiations.)  This weekend, I put the decoration thing on my front door (I saw my across the hall neighbour had put something up on hers and I wanted to be a part of sharing the season with my neighbours) and I pulled out some of my small decor and put it up, and then took it back down.

I have advent calendars (hard to find the cheap ones wow) and the business of traffic and stuff will keep me as out of the malls as I can be (Hillside, I'm looking at you seeing as I don't really go to the others....)

But I'm not feeling the pull to put stuff up in my place - to decorate.  I don't know yet what I will do on and around the day itself.  My folks are going to the mainland to be with one brother.  I have invites to join C-Dawg (but that feels really intrusive despite her assurances it's not) and my other brother's family and Jason may or may not be in town and even just thinking about what I might do is freaking me out so I'm not going there right now.  

I have gifts bought.  Not yet wrapped.  

I'm just not... feeling it.  We'll see if that changes over the next while, eh? 

 

Oh, No Thank You!

In the "please tell me that did not just happen" category, I might have just been bitten on my butt.  

Well, not my butt exactly, but like on my back around where you might think your butt area starts.  So... on my lower lower back/upper buttock.  

I have a pair of fuzzy PJ bottoms that I wear after I get out of bed and before I put on "outside" clothes.  You know, the clothes I will wear in public.... aka outside.

Well this morning, I had had them on for about an hour, doing my morning stuff when OUCH!  A sharp, like sharp sharp pain happened in that area.  I immediately stuck my hand down there to see what I had poked myself with but all I could feel was the tag of the pants which wasn't sharp in anyway.  Um... what just happened?  I wasn't sitting at the time so it's not like I sat ON something.  Oh no, did something bite me?  Oh lord I hope not.

But just in case, I threw those pants right in the laundry basket, and changed to a different pair of fuzzy pants and then went and washed the area and tried to look at it in the mirror (which is hard to do) and then I put some just in case lotion on it and that made it start feeling better but you guys?  I do not want to consider the fact that something may have bit me becuase it got INside my clothing.  Nope nope nope.

So, uh, probably like a bedsore or something right?  RIGHT?  (Gah)

But yeah, the ointment helped make it feel better and I really don't like the idea that I might have gotten bitten so we're just going to ignore this post and pretend none of this happened and hope it's all just totally normal and ok.  Ok?  Ok.  

F*ck

I woke up this morning (it's Sunday morning just after 8:30am) and immediately started having a panic attack.  As you might guess, this sucks.  A lot.

I had gone to bed rather anxious, honestly mostly about the fact that it was Saturday night which meant I was going to wake up and only have one more day off before I had to go to work and yeah it seems like that's the panic I'm dealing with this morning - I have to work.

I'm here, because I'm trying something different this time.  This panic attack.  Usually I go straight to taking something to get the anxious feelings under control and managed (it's what I've been told to do, to get that "help" in my system rather than trying to fight it and it lasting longer) but it's been a high anxiety week and honestly those helper meds haven't done much, so I didn't want to start my morning with them and have them not work and then not know what to do.  So I finished my morning stretches (I dont' think I've mentioned them here yet, will make a note to do so) and then sat down and did a "panic SOS" meditation from my meditation/mindfulness app, and now I'm here writing.  To see if that somehow helps in any way.

Ironically, I also took my blood pressure, which I've been asked to monitor (I also haven't mentioned that, I know) and it was great.  Like GREAT.  Maybe a fluke or maybe the five minute meditation?  I really thought it would be wild and elevated seeing as how my system is in freak out mode and it feels like my heart is racing etc etc (my heart rate was a little bit elevated but not much...)

Am I feeling calmer?  About an hour after the panic attack started, give or take?  Yeah, a little.  I discovered about half a year ago that these episodes seem to take about an hour to chill.  Which I don't always remember in the moment but it's been just under an hour now and I do feel calmer.  I did try to feel calmer too though.  But yeah, I'm still not calm.  Or great.  Or ok.  But now I think I'd say I'm really anxious rather than in a panic attack.  Will I take something later this morning?  Probably.  Will I go to the pool for an exercise class?  I'm genuinely not sure.  (It might help a bit or the process of it might feel like too much and panic me, so I'll see, I've got a couple of hours to decide/choose.) 

Well Then!

Two dentist cleanings ago (so about this time last year?) the new-to-me hygenist mentioned that I had some staining on my teeth.  Now I'm not a coffee drinker, but I do drink decaf tea and I do not like the idea of my teeth being stained by that!

So I looked into it and people suggested drinking through a straw and I figured a metal straw would taste gross and a heat safe silicone straw was weird somehow (and maybe microplastics) so I got some glass straws for my tea. 

I asked my brother if his kids (teens) would like the extras (it was like a 12 pack or something, some straight, some with a bend) and he declined saying it was too much of a danger risk.

I thought this was odd as the girls seem old enough to deal with not dropping things or not stepping on broken glass but whatever.  I stored the extras away in a cupboard.

I've been happily using my glass straw for my tea and hopefully (she hasn't mentioned it again?) my teeth aren't having the same staining they used to....

But fast forward to yesterday.  I was (probably doom-) scrolling the interwebs and came across a story post (a video/reel/story/whatever) of a young lady in the back of an ambulance and she explained that they were taking her in for surgery as she'd swallowed something that morning and noticed her glass straw (!!!!) was missing a chunk.  A chunk of glass that she swallowed when it randomly, suddenly, unknowingly broke.

Um, yeah no.  I'm not doing that.  Nope.  Not risking that.  Nope.  Nuh uh.

I immediately ordered some silicone and some metal straws to try and if neither of them work for me flavour wise, I will go back to having mildly stained teeth rather than risk SWALLOWING GLASS SHARDS!!!!

So now I guess I understand where my brother was coming from... not a "drop on the floor" and break kind of concern, but a literal, having glass in your mouth that may break concern.  D'oh.

I just assumed they made them carefully enough that that wasn't a risk and maybe I bought the kind that are the lowest risk, but even if it's an overreaction I'm not willing to keep wondering and maybe playing with fire (glass) when there are other options and it's not a huge deal to try other things and not risk my internal health and organs.  You know?

So yeah... the *the more you know* logo can go here and I'm now recycling some glass straws. 

Grateful the story hit my feed and that I've been, knock on wood, so far really fine.  Maybe I'd continue to be just fine, but.... easy enough to make a different choice.  Thanks for looking out for me Universe! 

Hellooooooo*

*Mrs Doubtfire voice

I know I've been quiet here lately.  Most of my energy right now feels like it's going into other things.  Some of that has to do with me feeling rather emotionally low and occasionally miserable and not wanting to write or talk about that but also not having the energy to fake neutrality or something.

I mean I'm ok.  Or "ok" in quotation marks maybe, and I suppose the shortest explanation is that a few months ago I started a new type of counselling (at the recommendation of my psychologist) and it has dug up some pretty heavy stuff that has left me quite heavily depressed (for lack of a better term.)

When I mentioned this low low mood to the counsellor she said that yes, that made sense as I was grieving.

Which.... ok, fine, I can accept that but I'd also like to not feel this way?  And also also I have to get through my day to day and keep functioning as an adult who lives alone (and therefore has to do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning and stuff and things?)

But yeah, I know I've not been writing.  I'm trying to get there.  Which maybe entails me giving myself permission to 'whine' about the blah and the meh and the low.

Beyond that, how the BLEEP is it the end of November already?  You tell me! 

 

I'm Tired

A lot of people seem to have *felt* this time change more than usual.  Or maybe it's just co-incidence and we're all struggling with the world feeling like it's diving towards something we can't get it out of?  Or a few somethings.....

Like, I know the time change messes with me.  But I have also had some heavy counselling sessions.  Like good to get this stuff out and in the open but hard and depressing and tiring too.  So is it the extra long darkness or the inner mental heaviness or the world or a combination of all of the above?

I'm tired right now because it's almost bedtime (I'm typing this out at 9:30 at night) and I've been pushing myself to stay awake for probably an hour and a half because it feels like if I go to bed when I'm sleepy (like 8pm tonight) it won't necessarily result in a full night's sleep and I'm not willing to risk that on work nights, you know?  Or most nights if I'm honest.  So I'm tired tonight.  At the time of typing this.  And it's now an appropriate time to head to bed so yay me, I made it all the way til bedtime and I hope I sleep super well and that you do too... whenever you get around to reading this.

Pink? Pink.

I don't know why, or when, or how, but especially why... but my favourite flavour of a candy called Starburst has changed.

For the first time in my life, the pink flavour is now my favourite by a long shot.  I still get mouth sores if/when I eat too many of them but at least now I really enjoy the pink flavour a lot while I'm getting those mouth sores!  Whoops!

I used to not like it at all.  But apparently times and tastes change.  Wild! 

Oh Please Why Won't You Learn?

We have raccoons in our neighbour hood.  Always have.  I would imagine we always will.

Raccoons have that nickname of "trash panda" and our raccoons (the generations of them) live up to that name.  They rifle in our garbage and find food and food scraps that SHOULD NOT BE IN THERE WE HAVE COMPOST BINS FOR A REASON (ahem) and when there are young/small raccoons and the bin has been recently emptied... the raccoons get stuck.

When a young raccoon is away from its mother/family, it cries.  Scream cries, really.  And it's loud and non stop.  I'm sure I've talked about this before.

I think we have two (at least) families of raccoons around this year and the babies are particularly vocal.  Very screamy.  And they keep getting stuck in the bin.  

My neighbour found a board that would allow raccoons to use it to climb out of an empty or nearly empty bin and she put it near our back door with a sign explaining what it was for (and asking if folks could try to keep the bin lid down... even though we have non residents to come by to dig through the trash and leav it open, any little bit helps, really.)

So after game seven of the World Series on Saturday I heard that all too familiar and all too loud screaming sound coming from the garbage bins.  Sigh.  So after waiting an hoping they were just lost, I went out to check if one was indeed stuck in the garbage bin but no, it was too tiny little adorable raccoons stuck and terrified in the bottom of the bin.  Sigh.

I opened both lids.  Tried to sound friendly and reassuring (I don't know if it helped).  I dragged the ramp out from inside and positioned it in the bin, stepped back and waited.

About 5 or 10 minutes later, one of the babies escaped, YAY!

I double checked... still the second one in there.  Frozen in fear.  Shoved up against the far end, not moving, not making a sound.  Like I said literally frozen in fear.  "Flight/fright/freeze/fawn" in action.  

I waited.  It started to rain.  I needed to pee.  I went inside, did what needed done (including grabbing a rain jacket) and went back out.  I'd hoped that in those few minutes baby two would have escaped but when I went to check it was still in that frozen position against the far wall.  I tried to encourage it to move.  I readjusted the "ramp" so it was closer to the baby.  I kept thinking that every time I poked my head over the edge it just started the "freeze" cycle all over again.  I knew, or felt that this little one was too terrified to use the escape ramp right at its feet.  I thought about the anxiety metaphor playing out in front of me.  (Too terrified to see the thing that would make the situation better literally right in front of you... too scared to move.  It sucks.)

I thought I might have to manually move the little dude but also know that when push comes to shove they fight and bite and scratch and, I don't have a welder's glove casually on hand, you know?

My neighbour had been watching the game at her Dad's but got home about 40 minutes later (after I'd gone out) and she got a rubbermaid bin she'd stored in her trunk (for exactly this reason) and put it in instead of the ramp and still the baby was too frozen.  So... she took the ramp and shoved it down between the baby and the bin wall (it was flattening itself as much as possible, poor thing) and gave it a shove.  The baby reacted to this.  SNARLING AND HISSING AND BITING AND KICKING.  "Fight" in action.  And as often happens with fear and anxiety, the rush of FIGHT FOR MY LIFE kicked in and the raccoon "suddenly" was able to run to the rubbermaid and use it to haul itself up to the edge and escape the bin. 

I felt badly.  That kind of stress isn't good for any creature.  And I know what it's like to be that scared.  And we really had been trying to help.  So we closed up the bin and put all the things away and what I find myself wishing now is that the stress of being stuck and "attacked by human scary monsters"  would be enough to keep those raccoons out of our garbage bin but I also know that a food source is a food source and there is no way that they are going to stop getting food from that bin.  

The slightly better news is that as we throw away more garbage, the bin will get fuller and for a few days or a week they'll be able to get both in and out and the screaming should be less.

And maybe, as my neighbour hopes, once the young ones grow, they'll be able to make their way out of an empty bin like we assume the mother does (not having actually seen whatever's happening in person.) 

So this is, I hope, a temporary thing that we deal with a few months of the year (most every year?) but I still wish it wasn't happening, but I can not control other humans (who leave the bin open) and I can not control animals (who have a solid food source) and I'm glad I have at least one other neighbour (it's often neighbours from other buildings who get annoyed by the noise and try to find some way to help the stuck ones out) who is eager to help (and stop the noise and help the babies).

But yeah, that's how I ended my world series game seven night.  By trying to rescue two young raccoons from a fairly empty giant garbage bin.  Saturday nights, ya'll!  Wild even after all these years! 

Oh, And?

While I'm waxing poetic about baseball, let me just say that this World Series absolutely f*cked with my sleep.  Like majorly.

Starting with game three that went EIGHTEEN innings and didn't finish until almost 12 am on *this* coast (I don't even want to think about the Jays fans on the East coast, gah!) I didn't actually manage to fall asleep at all that night and that messed with me incredibly.  (Younger people, if you can function after an all nighter, enjoy that, eh!)

And then when things were close or rough on a game, I wouldn't fall asleep that night either.  Even if it ended at a reasonable hour (8:30 or 9) I'd somehow not settle enough to sleep that night.  So I think I'm half hoping that with baseball done for a while I might settle back into a more regular and more decent sleep pattern.  Because yeah, I'm pretty sure that watching the World Series didn't let me sleep and that's just not on!

So, Yeah....

When I was in high school, the Toronto Blue Jays (a baseball team) won the World Series (the final championship series) two years in a row.  Do I remember particularly watching the games?  No.  But I do remember the hype and the excitement and the joy.  Somewhere in a storage bin I have a Coke can with the Blue Jays champions win on it.  So yes, I have memorabilia from that team and that series.  And as I generally do with sports, I've always been a Blue Jays fan as they are the only remaining Canadian team in the MLB.  (It's how I also cheer if/when I watch hockey BTW.  Canucks first, and then whichever Canadian teams are still playing once playoffs come.  Although I did kind of give up on the Canucks after the fans rioted that one year... and once the game changed enough that I didn't recognize in the same way as when I was a kid.)

We weren't really a baseball family growing up although I do remember having to sit through games my brothers were playing (BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRING!  I think I played nearby rather than watched them!) And as I think I've mentioned before I've always enjoyed baseball and the stories and the players (and the movies!) but certainly without cable I've never watched it full on.

I mentioned this earlier this year but Jason had me come watch the World Series last year and that's when I got attached to the Los Angeles Dodgers (who beat the New York Yankees last year to win the World Series) and because Jason is a huge baseball person he bought a year's subscription to MLB.com and shared the log in with me so that I could, if I wanted, watch an entire season's worth of the Dodgers this year.  Which I started to do.  And then became utterly attached and invested in the folks on the team!

Now for me, baseball is time consuming.  A game is generally three hours.  Which is fine a few nights a week, but I do not have it in me to watch multiple teams.  On TOP of that, there are all sorts of broadcasting rules and blackouts and annoying things so the (Canadian) Blue Jays team games were on a completely different streaming service and one that I did not have and did not want access too.  As the season went on I got more and more attached to the Dodgers players and their stories and struggles and talent.  And I got stressed when they didn't do as well.  I wanted them to win again.  They were good enough to do so.  And then they struggled.  And I stressed.

At times during the year the Dodgers would play a team and there would be a blackout on MLB.  A couple of times I paid for a month's worth of this streaming service or that streaming service (Apple or Sportsnet) to watch them play a team or a game or three.  I got attached to the lovely commentators on SNLA via the MLB app.  

Then came post season.  For sure my first time watching a post season all the way through.  My two main teams, the Dodgers and the Blue Jays were on "opposite" ends of the brackets.  MLB didn't have rights to the Post Season so I paid for the Canadian Sportsnet for the month (it turned into two months go figure!) and that allowed me to watch as many post season games as I wanted to.  But again... see above... baseball is time consuming.  

But hey, look at this!  The Dodgers just made it into the post season.  The Blue Jays made it into the post season.  And the scrappy Mariners, who had never made it to the World Series also made it to the post season.  And the Mariners are in Seattle which is a hop, skip, and a jump from here so I started rooting for them as well.  (Plus, when you watch a full season your team plays everyone and you get to know each team and the characters on that team pretty well.)

I got stressed by the Dodgers games.  Their pitchers had been struggling for the last few months.  I didn't trust that they'd actually do it.  But they did.  Made it to the World Series.  Phew.  

And then the Blue Jays played the Mariners.  I was torn.  I REALLY wanted the Mariners to make it.  For their fan base, and for the guys on the team.  But especially for their fan base.  But I also wanted the Blue Jays to make it.  For the entire country.  And for me, who had cheered them on in high school.  And for what seemed to be a really sweet collection of guys who had been, some of them, friends for years.  I told myself I'd be ok which ever one of them won but I kind of wanted the Mariners to have it.  But also the Blue Jays.  It was uncomfortable and while I was sad the Mariners didn't take it, I was happy to see the Blue Jays advance.  As was most of Canada!

It was awesome to see the country (sure, not everyone) come together in hope.  To see Blue Jays hats and shirts and gear being worn out and about and to call out "Go Jays!" to that person and share smiles and happiness and hope and pride. 

But my Dodgers.  I'd followed them all year.  For the first time ever!  I wanted them to see it through! 

Jason bought me a (knockoff... important to say because authentic jersey prices are ridonkulous!) Dodger jersey of my favourite player.  

I bought myself a Blue Jays shirt. (And a Dodgers hat for summer... ahem.... my gear suggested I preferred the Dodgers two to one!)

And then the series started.  It was good ball.  Sometimes way more so by one team than the other (Dodgers I'm looking at you for a few games there, GEEZ) In the end it stretched to seven games, which is awesome (and how I think final series should go!) and there was an 18 inning game in there (that's two games in length in one night!) and the final game seven went into extra innings too and was a nail biter and so the whole series was great baseball and some have been saying it was one of the best World Series ever.

But you guys?  I don't think I enjoyed it!?

I wanted both teams to win.  But a tiny little bit more wanted the Dodgers to win.  But I was either too stressed by the game or stressed that one would win and the other would lose, or sad that the Dodgers weren't playing up to snuff or legitimately wanting the Blue Jays to win so that all of Canada could celebrate the win (and at a time where we really do need a big win....)  So I think it was really hard for me to be IN the watching because I was so stressed OUT by the watching. 

My counsellor has been on holiday (if we call it that?  break?) for several months now, but I know if I had been seeing him he would have talked to me about not being so wrapped up in the games.  So I know how I felt about it all wasn't healthy.  I mean I was there.  It wasn't fun.  

I also know that watching sports involves some stress.  Most everyone who was talking about the series was stressed.  Lots of "jokes" online about blood pressure and heart attacks and I think some of that wasn't actually jokes.... just saying.  So I'm not saying that I think I *should* have been neutral and joyful during the games but I was way too attached and didn't get a lot of fun out of it.  Or not as much as I would have liked to.  For example?  When I was watching the final game and the Dodgers were behind, I was crying that they weren't going to win.  But I knew I'd be happy for the Blue Jays to win.  I also wanted it to be an exciting end, not a simple one, and well, it turns out I got what I wished for there!

When the Dodgers won, I wasn't happy.  I mean I was happy but in a melancholy way.  I was so sad for the Jays.  And for the Jays fan, new and old and even those who jumped on the so called bandwagon (I don't care about that, jump on up I say) and the loss of the joy all of Canada had been carrying and hoping for.  I KNOW that's sports, but it was so strange to me to not feel the joy of *my team* winning.  Because my team and my country and neighbours also lost.  I know, I get it.  This is sports.  Sigh.  It sucks.  But the team I spent all year wanting to win won and I just feel blah about it.  It's annoying.

I'm thinking I might watch game seven over again (now that I know how it goes) and see if I can enjoy the plays and the action more than I did on the night it happened.  I'm trying to be happy for the people of LA who likely needed the lift of a win after the fires they endured this year.  And I'm trying to be hopeful that there is "always next year" and I'm sad to find out that a lot of people don't like the Dodgers and have negative feelings about them (and their financial situation apparently) when I kind of just want us all to get along and enjoy sportsball and be friendly in our competition with each other.

I'm sad the Blue Jays lost, I really am.  They deserved this win.  And so did the Mariners.  They deserved to be in the World Series.  And to be fair, the Dodgers earned this win.  So when I see my counsellor next, maybe I'll ask why I can't be happy for how well everyone did and why I'm so sad that my team won and how I can maybe have a more joy filled time of this next year.  If I end up doing this again next year.  

I'm proud of the guys I watched all year.  I hope their bodies have a chance to heal up over the "off season" and I hope they don't trade away or let go too many guys from any of the teams I've come to love.  

But yeah... that happened.  And I feel like I'm feeling wrongly about it but that's how it is and as my neighbour said "it was really nice to be stressed and anxious about something not important" and at the end of the day?  Ain't that the fucking truth.  

 

So, November, Eh?

That's a thing that happened.  November showing up.  Which is essentially the holiday panic time what with Christmas being force fed to us ASAP of late.  

I think I lost a lot of October to the stress (like real actual stress) I felt watching the post season baseball this year (something I've never done before and not to this extent) so most of my evenings were stressing over the teams I wanted to win or enjoying the team I wanted to win doing well against another team.  And then the World Series itself was this last week and it was wild and a pretty heavy focus for me and the fact that the last came was on Saturday the first of November is, well, in part why October melted away.

But yeah.  It's November.  And again, like a broken record, it's the second to last month in a year that didn't start all that long ago, I swear.