Sunday Night

It's around nine twenty pm as I write this and there is still light in the sky and it was cool enough this week that I didn't need my air conditioner and I could sleep with more than just a sheet on and so this was quite a good week.

Except in the ways it wasn't.  

An awful lot of dark thoughts.  Sandwiched around good happy thoughts and moments.  But really hard to deal with when they arrived.

Trying to find a balance of keeping going but allowing rest.  Groceries?  Can wait til tomorrow.... four days later still not purchased.  But I have enough food.  It's not a drastic need, just... I'm out of fruit.  In the middle of summer.  That's not a thing that should happen.  

But the energy I'm marshalling didn't get me there.  Maybe tomorrow.  Today by the time this posts.  Maybe today I'll get more fruit.  Local fruit.  In season and so much better than out.

I had a "stress" dream again yesterday.  I call them that because they don't have the fear of a nightmare but they are not restful.  This was that "we're moving to another country and need to pack" one again.  I don't quite know what it means so I don't know how to fix the dream.  It was so rough yesterday morning that I didn't want to wake up in the mood I knew it would give me.  But I did. Pushed myself awake so I'd not be sleeping in too late. 

It might be warmer again this week.  Which is a bummer.  But I did try to enjoy and be grateful for the cooler week we had.  Getting into bed at night and pulling up the duvet was lovely.  Feeling a cool breeze coming in the window was delightful.  Thinking to myself "oh my I might actually be cold?" was the best.  I was so happy in the cool.  This week will be what it will be.

I have acupuncture today.  I'll try to remember to be honest about my ups and downs and not just pretend I'm always in the decent mood I'll likely be in when I arrive.   

It's been rough.  Sometimes ok.  But often rough.  I'm trying.