Tuesday, 19 December 2006

Distance Makes the Heart Something Something


So, I've been in a long distance relationship more than once. I've never been in the same *type* of long distance relationship, but so far, none of them have lasted.

Obviously. (Me being single and all)

The way I've experienced it, there are three main types of long distance relationships, each with their own challenges. Let's take a little look-see, shall we?

Victoria's Long Distance Relationship Primer

1. Started out that way. - In this situation, two people go in to the relationship knowing they do not live in the same place. (Um, why would anyone do this? Well, love is stoopid.) Unless someone is willing to move, this relationship will have to end. This relationship involves a lot of travel and phone calls. (I bought a new suitcase during this one. It's pretty.)

In my case, neither of us could leave our jobs to move. Or, maybe more to the point, neither of us would.

2. Going away for a while. - In this case, the relationship starts, and then one person needs to go away, with an eventual return date. Depending on the length of absence, arrangements can be made and the relationship can survive. This relationship involves a lot of phone calls and possibly some travel. Also, a clear understanding of expectations and what/where the relationship is. (Really really big phone bill on this one. He was very far away.)

In my case, the relationship survived nearly a year apart. It was the return that killed it. Bummer.

3. Has to leave. - Here, the relationship starts and then one person has to leave, with no foreseeable return date. This, again, is a move-or-end-it kind of situation. (I learned how to text message. It's fun)

In my case, our relationship was fairly new and he had a fantastic job opportunity elsewhere. He left, we tried it for a while, but as he put it, he "wanted to wake up next to the person he loved every morning". Fair enough.




I'm not saying long distance relationships can't work, just that they haven't worked out for me in the long run.

Which makes me wonder why I'd consider dating a guy who lives across the country. I mean, not that we're dating or going to date, but he'll be visiting in January and we'll be hanging out. (With our friends. Who introduced us and may be encouraging some flirting. Maybe.) So, I ask myself, why even hang out with an attractive guy who may never live in this town?

It's probably the idea that he *might* someday live here. Or something.

I'm an idiot, right?

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are worse things then taking a chance on someone. Even if he doesn't live here, you could always agree to just have a nice time together, see where life takes you, et al.

Never close a door you don't know about, it might be the only way out of the room. Or something like that...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 11:29:00 pm  
Blogger Ryan said...

I've done a number 1 & number 3.

(Sounds like I've just gone to the toilet!!)

And in answering your question: yes... but if I were faced with a similar situation I'd do the same (provided it was a chic, not a bloke).

;o)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 3:23:00 am  
Blogger danish said...

Nooooooooo you're not an idiot! I mean, yeah, it's hard to do the whole long distance thing, but at least you tried. Or are trying. Whichever. But anyways, while it is really difficult, it's still brave. I mean, I joke that ld relationships are impossible, but really? I just can't do it. The fact that you'd give (or gave) it a shot shows character.

Though now that I'm thinking about it... at least the guy you like is in the same country. My friend's boyfriend in South Africa and it's pretty hard for them. I think a plane ticket there is like... $1200-2000. Ick!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 7:33:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

That's a good point (or three) you have Likalia, I shouldn't prematurely stop something just because maybe it might be a certain way. What do I know? :)


Ryan (totally sounds like a potty training experience! hee hee) glad to hear I'm not the only one who's an idiot! ;)

That's true Danish, I couldn't afford the $2000 plane trip for my last relationship either. We'll have to see!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 7:57:00 am  
Anonymous Laura said...

Depends on a few factors really. How far away does he live regularly? How settled is he/are you in your current locations? Are either of you interested in ever picking up and leaving? How important is location to your ultimate happiness, and can you be happy in only Victoria or could somewhere else meet your need? How strongly do you feel about each other?

I've done all 3 types of long distance relationships you describe, and they haven't worked out for me, but what I really want to tell you about is my roommate Coco. She lives in Vancouver, and she has been dating a guy who lives in the States for about 7 years. They are both from Kamloops and met there, but he got a job in San Francisco and makes too much money to leave his job. She doesn't want to move to the US. So they each factored one trip to the other's city as a monthly expense into their budgeting. About a year ago her boyfriend got transferred up to Seattle, which is only a 3 hour drive from Vancouver, so they see each other most weekends.

Personally, I dont' think I'd last through this arrangement for 7 years, but it seems to work fine for them because they are both fairly independent people but still get to see each other frequently. Just thought I'd let you know about it!

Best of luck figuring out what to do.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 9:43:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you haven't even seen the guy yet, right? One thing at a time. One thing at a time. Wait, I just said that already....

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 10:38:00 am  
Anonymous Jonathan said...

I'm starting to wonder if (if presented with Mr Perfect) you would claim he was too perfect :)

It's difficult - and annoying - people always say that being different gives you things to learn and talk about, but being too different means you won't get on.

Aaarrgghh!!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 11:59:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

I love hearing stories like that Laura! It's so great when people find things that work for them : )

I've met him Dilling, but don't really know him much past small-talk, but absolutely... one thing at a time. (Wait. Did you say that already? ) heh

Jonathan: Too perfect *would* be bad! LOL Oh dear... it's never straightforward when you try to use your brain is it? I just go with my heart and try not to think too much! : )

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 2:20:00 pm  

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