So what's the protocol with workplace dating?
And, no, before you jump to conclusions, I'm not trying to date someone at work ( we super secret spies don't really date each other, it's all too "Mr and Mrs Smith" ) I'm just curious.
See, a couple of months ago, I went in for some massage therapy. The masseuse I ended up with was this really nice younger guy and I found myself wondering: what would this guy do if he wanted to ask me out? (One allows one's mind to wander when one is having one's back rubbed, leave me alone.) Could he? Would he?
Probably not, right?
But it must happen.
So where there's that sort of relationship, what happens if someone wants to try changing the dynamic? It's obvious that the client-type relationship would have to end, but.... maybe it'd be worth it for some people, to take that risk, that chance.
Are there some jobs where it's more... or less appropriate? Like, is a massage therapist OK, but a dentist not? Is a hairdresser off limits or not? What about... I dunno, your pharmacist or your gynecologist?
Now, don't over-react my lovelies, I'm not trying to date a masseuse. ( Although, the back rubs would be worth it, no? ) Just one of those thoughts that found itself rattling around in my otherwise empty brain.
I'd just hate to think someone would let someone great pass by just because of social expectations and protocol.
But then again, maybe those things are there for a reason.
12 comments:
You know... that's a really thought provoking post - and opens up a can of worms.
What would happen if we stopped obeying protocols and expectations? Would we be labelled a rebel?
How would we deal with taking such risks - what would happen if they went wrong?
I have seen workplace romances before - but never had one myself. I would tend to think people do an awful lot of fishing and flirting before take any leaps of faith.
I agree Jonathan, there must be a lot of flirting and fishing and thinking first. It's almost too bad. I mean, wouldn't it be easier if the person could just casually say "Hey, I'd like to go out for coffee with you" and if it didn't work out no harm done? But I guess it's not that simple, eh?
And I think it is the thought of what might happen if things went wrong that keeps people from taking the risk.
: )
Maybe it DOES depend on the relationship and the profession.
Say you date your gynecologist (which is probably a breach of ethics or something on his part, but let's ignore that for this exercise). There are certain lines of closeness and affection that we cross when in a relationship. With your gynecologist, that line has been crossed in a weird way. Maybe the magic wouldn't be there, or in the same way at all. Maybe he would want to rush into intimacy, and if you were against that, for example, he might have some problems accepting that (as he's already been down there. Sort of).
Maybe you should just go with your pizza delivery boy or something. That seems safe. ;)
Hey I hear that workplace dating is becoming more acceptable and commonplace now actually. I think you should just be careful how you go about it. My best friend and I work together actually and she started dating a guy from the office about 5 months ago and they're still going strong. It works well because it's a HUGE company and he works in another department and they literally never see each other at work, so it's not REALLY like they work together.
I think also with some client/vendor relationships, it could still stay that way too. For example, if you started dating your masseuse, it would probably be weird to continue paying him for massages (couldn't you just get 'em for free?) but say you dated a dentist... I don't see why you couldn't have your boyfriend take care of your teeth for you. I mean, if you don't find it completely embarrassing to have to hold your mouth open in weird, unflattering angles for him to see and be unable to talk anyway!
Now that I think of it actually, I don't think there's any danger of me ever falling for a dentist or doctor because they see me in such unflattering circumstances, I could never consider dating them. All the mystery is gone!
It is definitely not that simple. I have had atrocious luck with workplace dating. But whattya going to do, that's a rich place to find people who you get to know and have commonalities with.
Work place romance ... very dicy and when it doesn't work it is ackward for everyone (trust me). But I would hope that I wouldn't give up a good relationship possibility because they were at work (remember my motto is I'll try anything twice).
As for your masseuse I think that is less of a problem. Anyone you go to for a "service" can be worked around so to speak ...
Danish: I'm totally giggling at the whole gynecologist/already been there thing, because that's exactly what I was thinking! lol So, let's maybe cross that one off the list, eh? And pizza boy... don't we all just order pizza for the pizza boy? (especially when having a sleepover with our best girlfriends. Just before the half naked pillow fight, right?) ;)
Laura: I think, yeah, workplace dating can be done if done thoughtfully, carefully and respectfully, when you both work at the same job. I don't know if I could date my dentist. I'd just keep thinking about the time he stabbed me with that darn needle and I'd maybe just sit and glare at him. And I'd never be able to eat candy around him without wondering if he was thinking about cavities! lol
S.R.: I know! If I worked with single, young people, I'd totally be using it as a dating pool!
Single Girl: Still loving your "try anything twice" motto! I toyed around with a workplace romance a few years ago, and it did indeed become awkward when things didn't work out. Especially since he said "I don't want to date you because we work together and things could become awkward" Um.. ok.NOW they are for sure! ; )
Registered Massage Therapists aren't allowed to date former patients until 2 years time has passed after the termination of the patient/RMT role. That's the rule according to the College guidelines. That's the letter of the law. Which means that if one were to go along with the situation and get burned that scenario could really come back to bite them in the arse.
I think that workplace relationships don't have to be ruled out. But when there is a power difference then it's not a healthy or even scenario to start from. Those kind of relationships are the ones that are already out of bounds. Teacher/student, coach/athelete, doctor/patient, etc. Those ones have awhole lot of other stuff attached to them. But if it's on the peer level? Then I think, after taking due time to weigh the pro's and con's... it could be something that is worth doing. But you'd want to be pretty darn certain cause I'm sure we can all think about, or know about, how screwed up it gets in the work place when 2 people have that awkwardness between them.
Oh and the reason I know the RMT stuff is cause I'm going to school to be one. :)
Jordan, I was hoping you'd throw your two cent's worth in! ( I knew you were in training and stuff )
And, yeah, I think I have to agree with the whole power difference thing. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with even the idea of it. Maybe long after it's over. Maybe.
Hmmm... completely unrelated: it's windy out there. I think I should go investigate!!
Thanks for the legallyimportant info!
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