Advice for the Broken-Hearted

Dear us,

When someone ends a relationship with you, it's going to hurt. What you want to do is try to make the length of the hurt shorter, if possible. While I can't help you with the crying, I can help you with an important part of moving on, the, um... uh "I Can't Think of a Title" part.

Here's what you need to do:

1. Delete his/her number from your cell, contact lists, phone, memory. If you've memorized it, un-memorize it. Now you can't phone your ex sobbing, begging, promising or threatening. If he/she made a mistake and wants you back? Well, they can call you. There's nothing worse than having an ex tell you to stop calling after they've already dumped you. Get rid of the phone numbers. (Smith's numbers are all long distance, so there's no way I remembered them. I can remember all but three digits of his home number, to be honest, but still, can't call him.)

2. Erase his/her email from your address book and databases. You do not need to email this person anymore. The relationship is over, they ended it, there's nothing more to be said. (This took me a while to figure out how to do in Mail, and I nearly threw up once I realized I could no longer contact Smith even if I wanted to. This is why you do these things fast, and hopefully while you're still in shock and a little angry.)

3. Get rid of any reminders of him/her. Throw out photographs, emails, gifts, PHOTOS, all of it. If you need to, put things in a box and give it to someone, but trust me, the sooner you get it out of your house, the sooner you can start moving on. (I've done this twice with Smith now. Once when I told him I wanted a break, and now again. I put all his emails and photos on a disk and it's in a cupboard somewhere. Means less chance of me running across things that hurt when I see them.)

And that's all I know. Everything's so individual. Maybe some of you like to get out and party it up. Maybe some of you like to stay home and watch sad movies, I don't know. Do what you need to do to remember that you're a good person and you do have people in your life who love you and that the asshole who just dumped you is going to regret it until the day they die. And hopefully they'll die sad and alone on that day while you're off living your fabulous life without them.

Good luck. Other fish in the sea and all that.

OK, now seriously:
I wrote this right after Smith broke things off. Now I'm not so sure. Really, most of the time I just try to do what seems like the right at the time. In this case, I'm just remembering my last breakup and the fact that I got over it eventually. I still think this is probably pretty good advice. It just doesn't make it feel better. That part's just going to take a while.