Thursday, 2 August 2007

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

Well, after this morning's lovely view into the bottomless pit of darkness that is my psyche, I thought it'd be a grand idea to share with you the fun things that are going on in my life.

So, guess where I was just a couple of hours ago?

Getting my annual "full meal deal" checkup at the doctor's. Yay! (It's a barrel of laughs around here right now, I tell you. Don't you wish you were me? )

As I was flopping around up there on the examining table of doom, I felt distinctly like a fish out of water, all exposed and icky and floppy. I felt floppy. This can't be good. But, fortunately, not starving of oxygen or anything like a real fish out of water would have been. By the way, my blood pressure's excellent, thanks. (Sorry, did you need this post to make sense?)

My doctor is the sweetest of ladies and it was so hard not to burst into tears as she looked at me asked if I was going through a difficult time right now.

"You don't look like you're having much fun right now." she said. I shrugged and nodded. "Is it a breakup?" she asked in her gentle way.

Damn this woman knows me well.

"It's worth waiting for the right guy, you know" she said, comfortingly.

Or, at least as comfortingly as can be considering I knew she'd soon be poking and prodding and seeing me in all my glory.

"That's what they say" I laughed. You know that laugh? The "I'm forcing this laugh because either I do or I'll start crying right here on this table under this here gown." one? Yeah.

But I didn't cry, for I am strong and mighty and didn't want to cause a scene. Plus, I knew that I could get myself a chocolate bar on the way out of the building if I wanted.*

A little while later, as she was doing her thing, I found myself thinking "get it out, get it out, get it out, please hurry up and be done already please don't take any longer please be done" and I almost started laughing wondering how many people have thought those same things while sleeping with a guy. Or, heaven forbid, their husband!

And now, let's all bow our heads in remembrance of the time I wasted with a guy while thinking those very thoughts. Oh, Jordan, if only I'd known then what I know now.

I'm going shopping now. Nothing makes your day more than trying on pants that don't fit. Oh, and if anyone can explain to me why I'm a small/medium in most stores but an XL in LaSenza, that'd be great. Thanks.

Oh, and just in case you enjoy my darker side? I've got a doozy of a post coming. Break out the popcorn.

*I opted for Sour Cream and Onion Ruffle chips, FYI. I'm crazy like that.


Anonymous slinger said...

Oddly enough, I am eating popcorn right now!

That was a doozy of a post, and thank god men don't have to go through that. Well at least until we are 50 and then have to get "scoped" in the backside!

Thursday, August 02, 2007 1:27:00 pm  
Blogger Laura said...

I'm sorry about your breakup :( Sounds like the right thing to do. I know that is little consolation, but anyway.

I totally hear ya on La Senza. I'm exactly the same! Medium or large everywhere but there. La Senza? Definitely XL. Bastards. What kind of marketing tactic is THAT?

I have found, however, that although I would like to pretend I'm a large or medium, trying to squeeze into what *they* call large or medium will make me feel a whole lot worse. So I buy the stupid XL, cut off the tag to eliminate the evidence, and strut around looking hot.

Thursday, August 02, 2007 2:27:00 pm  
Blogger danish said...

Oh, Victoria. *sad sigh*

I am so, so, sorry for what you're going through right now. It sucks with the utmost level of suckitude, and for that, you have my condolences.

And I HATE those doctor visits. HATE them, with all my passion and fury. So I'm sorry you had to do that, too.

I hope you're still going to the gym.. 'cause that's a good, healthy way deal with stuff. Plus, if nothing else? If you go to the gym a lot you could get strong enough to throw a guy across the room! Could be a handy way to deflect unwelcome advances.

Sorry, I dunno where that came from. Just... feel better. ;)

Thursday, August 02, 2007 5:29:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Slinger: The important question being, what KIND of popcorn? ; )

Thursday, August 02, 2007 8:29:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Laura: I'm refusing to call it a breakup! It's er.... well, it's not a "together" Shakes head at self for not making sense. The fat lady isn't singing, but she's warming up? It's just difficult right now and, yeah. I try to be honest.
I'm SO glad you have the same La Senza "issue". Maybe they're marketing to teens? I've never really shopped there before, but it sure didn't make me want to shop there when NOTHING fit! (rolls eyes)

Thursday, August 02, 2007 8:30:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Danish: Thanks,really. It does suck, what I'm going through right now, and I appreciate your thoughts. :)
As for those doctor visits, my doc is pretty good and I see it as a necessary thing. But, yeah, not something I look forward to, that's for sure! lol
I am still going to the gym, probably not as regularly as I might, but some is better than none. It is a great way to deal with stuff for sure! Maybe I should take self-defense lessons so that I can really throw guys around! hee hee

I'm working on feeling better, some days are better than others! : )


Thursday, August 02, 2007 8:34:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

I think I would have to stop shopping at La Senza, just because of that. My ego is sensitive and easily bruised.

Friday, August 03, 2007 8:55:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, I just... it's not smart marketing to make all your customers feel fat!

Friday, August 03, 2007 10:03:00 am  
Blogger Yvonne said...

With some stores, I wear 3 different sizes all from the same label and manufacturer. It's a big fashion mess.
My doctor hasn't harassed me about my pap since he was informed about my break-up so I'm enjoying the reprieve!

Saturday, August 04, 2007 4:32:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Rolls eyes at the retail world.

I wonder if guys ever have this problem?????

Lucky you with your doc! lol

Saturday, August 04, 2007 5:30:00 pm  

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