Wednesday, 15 August 2007


I'm really not enjoying spreading the news of my complete and utter singledom to my closest female friends.

My girlfriends are great, don't get me wrong, but when it comes to comforting me when I'm going through a breakup? Well, they're not always what I need. Most of them seem to miss the mark.

Maybe it's because they've seen me go through it so many times and they're jaded to my heartache, knowing I'll move on, seeing as I did the last times. Or maybe it's because they're all happily husbanded and they forget just how much it hurts to lose what you thought was your true love. Maybe it's because most of my girlfriends are still with their one, main true love; many of them never had more than one big relationship. Or maybe my best girlfriends just say what they think will be most helpful, not knowing it just ends up making things feel worse.

I'm generalizing of course, but the majority of my closest girlfriends have seemed entirely neutral about the Smith-finally-dumped-me thing. None of them have seemed particularly surprised, which makes me think about what I've told them; what I chose to talk to them about. Maybe I share my relationship concerns more than I do my relationship certainties.

I just got off the phone with my best girlfriend and I cringed when she said "Well, you didn't want to be with him anyway, did you?" and then followed it up with "I mean, it's not as if you guys were together, right?"

Which, sure, may be technically true, but don't you remember the part of the breakup where all you want to hear is "there there" or "OMG are you OK?" or "damn, V, that must totally suck, are you ok?"

That's kind of where I am right now. I don't want to pick myself up and throw Smith away and start looking for the next available bachelor. I'm still hurt and confused.

To be completely fair, everyone has said "I'm sorry" in one way or another, but they're all so eager to rush me on; to move me get the next guy going already.

Maybe my girlfriends think I'm stronger than I am. Maybe that's the side I show, my public face. I don't know. I guess I find it hard to show weakness to my close friends when I know life isn't easy for anyone. Maybe, also, it's easier for me to be there for them than to let them see just how low I'm feeling. Maybe I'm afraid they'll judge me for not being enough in some way.

I just know it's been easier talking about the breakup here than anywhere else. You guys have said what I needed to hear and for that, I'd like to give y'all a big hug.

You're great girlfriends you know; gender notwithstanding.


Blogger dilling said...

It sucks. It does. It should. It's supposed to. You get to feel crappy for a while, and feel your own way through it, and ride the roller coaster for a bit. That's how you know you were "invested," for lack of a better word. Where you are right now IS a part of moving on, right? You just set your own pace. You know what's best for you.
Nobody ever knows what to say...or do...or not do.
I don't.
But I feel for you.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 10:43:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Dilling, thanks. I guess no one really knows what to do. I guess I should just try to remember to do it in my own time.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 10:48:00 am  
Blogger Laura said...

I'm sorry V :( It sucks you have to go through this and that you don't have the support you're looking for even though the support system is there. I would bet it is because they don't know what to say, or think they do but it's not what you want to hear. Sometimes you just WANT to be sad and they probably want to cheer you up. It's hard. But you know they are there for you. Maybe hiding out from them for awhile is what you need, or not, and either way is okay till you're feeling up to it.

The healing process is different for everyone. Maybe they are trying to bring along the next guy quickly because they think that's what would help them if they were in your shoes. Just tell them you're not ready yet.

Dilling is right, the way you're feeling now is part of moving on.

*Big hugs*

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 10:59:00 am  
Blogger Tod said...

Sometimes friends are a real pain in the arse...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 11:02:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Tod, yeah, but we still love them : )

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 11:09:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Laura, it sucks that I have to go through this, yup. I'm sure my friends are trying to what they think's the best. I do kind of want to be sad right now,and I odn't want to have someone else make it better. I do know they're there for me, I just don't know how to get what I need from them, you know? *sigh* Just icky. Blah.


Wednesday, August 15, 2007 11:15:00 am  
Blogger The Ex said...

No one is good at comforting someone else because whenever you're in need of comforting everything everyone says is WRONG. That's what happens to me.

Are you okay, though? :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 11:19:00 am  
Blogger Likalia said...

Laura and Dilling are right, no one knows what will make you feel better other than you, sometimes not even you. If they or you did, you would feel better right now. They and you do the what seems best.

You go through the process. The logical part of the brain knows we'll get through it, it isn't the end, but the emotional part keeps saying hold on I want to sit down and just mope for a bit.

Friends want you to be happy, because they are happy. We all want the world to reflect the way we feel, unfortunately most times it doesn't, despite our best efforts. Life is strange and enigmatic and wacky.

And I am being way too philosophical for my own self at the moment. :)

In close, "there there", "OMG are you OK?", "damn, V, that must totally suck, are you ok?", *hugs*.

Now let's go get a drink and sit in the sun! ;)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 11:25:00 am  
Blogger Delton said...

Yeah, it sucks! Go ahead, feel sad. Grab a drink or 3, kick back and wallow in it for a while. If it starts to drag out too long, I'm sure we'll notice it here and start to tell you. Sorry you don't have the R/L support you need.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 12:40:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Delton :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 2:20:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

I'm sorry your friends haven't offered the support you need.
You do have us! {{hugs}}

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 11:28:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Thursday, August 16, 2007 10:20:00 am  
Blogger HamiHarri said...

I just caught up on your blog - *big* hugs to you...

Thursday, August 16, 2007 3:04:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Thursday, August 16, 2007 3:06:00 pm  
Blogger danish said...

Miss Victoria, I really hope you feel better.

I would say something to make you feel better, but... uh... I got nothin'. *sigh* Sorry.

I think hugs work pretty well though, so... I'm with everyone else on this one...


Friday, August 17, 2007 4:08:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Danish. It's enough just knowing people care, you know?

Although, I wouldn't mind some more hugs! ; )


Friday, August 17, 2007 4:24:00 pm  

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