Tuesday, 2 October 2007

Ready? (or) Not.

Word seems to be out that I'm ready to meet guys again and while you could argue that I started it, it's still a bit of a shock now that people are actively trying to set me up with guys.

See it's one thing for me to talk about how cute so and so is or how I'd date that guy if he were single, it's another thing for people to start telling me about the guy they want me to meet.

I can't wrap my head around it.

Example? This cute guy came in for a tour of our work last week. (They like the spies-in-training to see what they're getting in to you know?) I told him he could follow me for the morning (come on, I'm not dumb, I don't mind a little eye candy to stare at) and we had a good chat about being a spy and the business and stuff. As he was leaving, I told him he was welcome to contact me any time if he had any questions about anything (Come on, you've got to be proud of me for that little attempt at flirting, no?) and that was that.

But then I got home that evening and felt panicky. What if he did call and asked me out? Holy bleep I'm so not ready to consider dates or meeting for coffee or that whole "what does it mean if he didn't call" crap. I'm not ready, I don't think, to push myself into getting to know another guy and transferring my feelings to someone new.

I'm sure it'll happen at some point, but I'm hoping it will be easy, casual, relaxed and fun; say a group gathering of some sort or ... wait, isn't that how Smith and I were set up? Hmmmm....

I guess I just don't feel ready to jump into something new but if the right guy comes along, maybe that'll change.

Or maybe I'll say yes to a date before I have time to think about it. (And yes, that's also how Smith and I first ended up on a date.) I just don't think I want a new boyfriend yet.


Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

If you're that apprehensive about it, you could just consider it spending time with someone, just having fun.
It doesn't necessarily have to turn into something huge and meaningful, it's just making a new friend, that you might be able to eventually have sex with :P

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 9:10:00 am  
Blogger Laura said...

I totally get where you're coming from, but honestly, I think you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself. You just offered to have him call you if he had any questions. Yes, you were flirting, but if he did call and ask you out, you could just play the whole "oh I meant we could talk about work" card if you weren't feeling up to it. Or you could assume he had questions about work and just go and see. Don't assume one phone call means jumping into a new relationship :)

It doesn't even matter what state of mind you're in - whether you're newly single and heartbroken, or long-single and longing for a relationship: If you were always to think about every single long-term possible consequence of meeting a new person, everyone would run for the hills and be single forever. It's the same thing with anything really, in fact, not just dating - getting a new job, choosing a university, deciding to have a baby. I'm not saying that planning ahead is a bad thing, but sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one step at a time is the best thing to do.

Besides which, if and when the right person comes along, you'll somehow find yourself in the right mindset for it eventually. Once you start to fall for someone, you find yourself wanting to be in a relationship with them. Don't try to force yourself to stay single, OR to start dating on any particular schedule... just take life as it comes.

At least that's my humble opinion anyway!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 9:24:00 am  
Blogger Delton said...

I think the others are failing to catch the humo(u)r here. Let me paint a picture:

Victoria is trying to move forward, even flirting with this new guy just a bit. Meanwhile, "other Victoria" is dragging her heels, putting up a huge fight, shouting about how she doesn't want to move on, missing Smith, etc. Yet, there's Victoria, gently pushing her back into the fray. Good for both of you!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 9:38:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't get a new boyfriend. Just get a new boy.
In other words, think like a man. :) There's no rush, remember, you get to choose what you want to do. We're the girls! We have the power!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 11:31:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Princess, I burst out laughing when I got to the last part of your comment! tee hee! I think (in all seriousness now...) that I do tend to see things as all or nothing when it comes to dating people and it's hard to just take it lightly. I'm weird that way! ; ) (Well, I'm weird lots of ways actually!)

Laura, I'm overthinking it anyway, this fellow probably will never call! And, yes, I love your advice of just putting one foot in front of the other. I can do that!!!

Delton, I think for sure there's a little bit of me disagreeing with me so I know exactly what you mean! (oh, and thanks for throwing that U in there! woot!)

A Martini, we have the power? Wha? ooooooh, right! giggle. Sadly, my "boys" all got themselves girlfriends and I can't be bothered finding another "just a boy". I don't feel like rushing. Except, of course, when cute guys show up at my work! ; )

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 5:58:00 pm  
Blogger Likalia said...

I wish cute guys showed up at my work. I'm lucky if someone comes in who isn't a septuagenarian.


Though I know what you mean about all or nothing, it is hard to just think I'm ONLY going to date someone, especially if you've always been in relationships.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 9:39:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Hey V, do what feels right, even if it seems a little scary.

In my second-to-last break-up, I jumped into dating almost right away, though I admit it was mostly to distract myself.
In my most recent break-up, I've pretty much isolated myself for over a year. I delved into the online personals a bit recently, but became bored quickly. (Maybe I'm pickier now?)

At any rate, I fared better emotionally when I jumped back into things right away. Apparently distractions are my best therapy.

Wishing you all the best in whatever you need to do to heal. {{hugs}}

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 11:37:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Can all girls of the world please listen.

Men have no idea you are asking them to call when you invite them to, unless you say something direct.

Men will not sit at home agonising over making the call.

Men will not sit at home agonising over not making the call.

Men are simple creatures. Believe me. As much as you might like to think they are deep, you are so very, very wrong.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 2:28:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Likalia, I have always either been in relationships or been single so it's hard to think of trying out a middle ground of only dating. And I'm so so sorry to hear about your "no cute guys at work" problem. That makes me sad. :(

Thanks Yvonne. Maybe there's a good middle ground and I just haven't found it, right?

LOL Jonathan, I always just figure that if a guy wants to call me (because he thinks I'm hot, or whatever) he will and if he's not interested he won't. Is even that giving them too much credit? ; )

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 7:59:00 am  
Blogger Tod said...

Just think yourself lucky that you have hot guys at work to dream about. Where I work they are all scrotes!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 11:26:00 am  
Anonymous ynbf said...

I haven't yet seen this movie, called
"Feast of Love", but after reading the
comment, I thought you might be

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 11:10:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Thursday, October 04, 2007 7:50:00 am  

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