Friday, 11 January 2008


For your viewing pleasure and unending amusement, I'm going to share with you with some of the lovely emails I got in my inbox over the last week. I can't decide which of the last two's my favourite, really.

And let us begin. Like a so:

She'll beg for more. "Why settle for what you have?"
Yeah, why settle for what you have? Wait... who... me? Who's this "she" and what's she going to be begging for anyway?

BIG CAS1N0 Party BIG JACKPOT CA$H DOLLARS!! "Your Winnings! Are waiting!"
Um, ok, but I don't know how to play poker and the one time I went to a casino I was both creeped out and bored. But I'll take my winnings if they're just sitting there waiting for me, thanks.

Few inches longer? "Don't settle for less"
My hair? You can grow it a few inches longer? Sweet!

Esoogzya "After taking VPXL, I can have sex all night long
OK, awesome. I'm happy for you. I'll be asleep, so maybe call me when you're done? (By the way, we're talking about eating the consonants from Alphaghetti, right?)

How about the best service around? "Play your favorite games from the comfort of your home, USA players ARE included!"
Awww, shucks, I'm not in the USA and I so wanted to play Cranium!

FDA Pharmcy Online! - 75-90% OFF! "Buy Viagra Now!"
Nah, I'm good thanks. PS. You spelled Pharmacy wrong.

Perfectly crafted exclusive watches rolex "Perfectly crafted luxury timepieces...the finest of products at the LOWEST prices!!"
And just when I was looking for a new watch!

Super-sized one-eyed monster will live in your pants in New Year! "Check our amazing proposition now!"
A super sized one eyed monster? Awesome! Can I name him whatever I want? And pet him?

Don't turn up your nose at this offer unless you're real hung! " Don't you think it's derogatory, when they call your male stick a "baby carrot"?" Wait, hung as in dead old-west style? I'm not sure how that'd do any of us any good really.


Anonymous slinger said...

These all seem like valid emails to me! :o)

The last one is hilarious, mainly because my boys and I made a snowman and all we had for the ose was a baby carrot!

Friday, January 11, 2008 1:05:00 pm  
Anonymous slinger said...

The "ose" should say "NOSE"

Friday, January 11, 2008 1:05:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Slinger, I'm never going to be able to look at a snowman again! lol

Friday, January 11, 2008 1:11:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...'s a STICK?!? What the?

Can we play Cranium online? Excellent. Can you tell what I'm humming?

Friday, January 11, 2008 1:19:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Dilling, is it Smoke on the Water?

And yes. Apparently it's a stick.

Friday, January 11, 2008 1:36:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

It IS Smoke on the Water. Dang, you're a great partner for this game. We're definitely gonna win!

Friday, January 11, 2008 4:38:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Friday, January 11, 2008 5:06:00 pm  
Anonymous Dominic said...

Don't waste money on even a cheap Rolex. My Casio was carefully examined yesterday and confidently identified as a Rolex.

...admittedly I was in a classroom full of ten year olds, but still!

Saturday, January 12, 2008 2:49:00 am  
Blogger Jenn said...

I got spam POETRY the other day, about the "size of my schlong" POETRY??? Now the spammers write in prose??? WTF?? (Never mind that I don't own a schlong...)

Saturday, January 12, 2008 3:47:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oooooh, expert opinions Dom. I wonder what they'd think of my Timex? ; )

Jenn, you're so lucky! Schlong poetry. I hope I get some one day. Just the poetry, I'll pass on getting a schlong!

Saturday, January 12, 2008 8:21:00 am  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I just checked my spam, and it seems to be a lot more like "reportage" than yours...

"Blonde bimbo gets a dick up her ass"

... for instance. Good for her.

Saturday, January 12, 2008 2:19:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Saturday, January 12, 2008 2:33:00 pm  
Blogger Tyler Durden said...

I think if I was a girl I would want a super sized one eyed monster, no?

Saturday, January 12, 2008 10:52:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Sunday, January 13, 2008 10:13:00 am  

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