Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Bird Part 2


So, Bird and I are talking this weekend and he shares with me that he started, or had been seeing a mutual friend of ours.

Which is disappointing in and of itself, but is made triply so because while he was seeing her, I was wondering about him. Hello ego blow. Hello, I knew he wasn't interested in me. Hello, I feel stupid now.

But do you know the kicker for me? I had talked to this girl, as a friend, about Bird. To be honest, I don't remember how much I got into it, but I know there was a time, around New Year's where we were all together and I was talking to her about maybe liking him and I got this weird vibe off of her.

At the time, having read the Girl Code book from cover to cover, several times, I knew that if she was interested in him too, she would take the opportunity to tell me. But she talked about her ex and how she missed him so I wasn't sure what the vibe was about.

And then when I was so hurt by Bird not calling, I talked to her about it too and she bitched right along with me about what a jerk he was and how I wouldn't want to date him anyway because then it would be awkward when we all hung out.

And now I discover she was seeing him this whole time.

I've, honestly, never felt so betrayed by another girl before, ever.

I mean, we've all done it; liked a guy a girlfriend liked, but you either don't do anything about it or you let her know and ask if it's ok and how it's going to affect your friendship.

And, sure, I could argue that she and I weren't particularly close, but it's so hurtful to think that I was confiding in someone who was looking me in the eyes, telling me she understood, and the whole time she was trying to build her own relationship with the same guy. I don't get that.

I really don't. Where's the honesty. We're not in high school here. We're not in Laguna Beach either, for that matter.

And I sort of knew that a friendship with her wasn't something I was going to pursue even before New Year's because I'd talk to Bird and our friends and she'd have asked them all to hang out and do something but the phone call wouldn't have made it to me. And the girl radar in that situation pings and says "chick is trying to horn in on your man" even when the man's...well, not yours. I had that vibe from her, but thought she wasn't like that, and thought that for all the times we talked about her ex there was no way she was dating someone new. It didn't even occur to me that she might be lying. There was just that odd feeling in the pit of my stomach.

So sitting there last weekend with Bird and hearing all of this I didn't know what to think. Of her, of him, of myself.

And of course I spent a few minutes beating myself up for being all gooey over a guy who had shown no signs of interest in me. But it's hard to stop feelings that are already there.

And the instincts? They say walk away. Be friends with this guy, maybe, but only if there's no emotional, physical connection that's going to mess you up.

12 Comments:

Blogger The Ex said...

Wow. That is so against the Womanly Code, I'm surprised!

Ugh, bitches.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 8:37:00 am  
Blogger dilling said...

That is ENTIRELY against girl code.
grrrrr!
Walk away....for now. He was honest and she wasn't, but if they are involved, then just walk away.
You have good instincts, listen to them.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 9:11:00 am  
Anonymous Gale said...

Hi,
I haven't been reading your blog for very long but I think you need to walk away from the both of them for now. She wasn't upfront (even though she wasn't obligated to be) she certainly shouldn't have commiserated with you! As for Bird, men are not complete idiots, and he should have known better what it potentially meant to be hanging out with you, etc. As you said, you didn't spend a lot of time together socially, so it wasn't like you were good friends. I can see how you would have thought more could have come of it, and he should have had some idea that that might happen.

It sucks now, but soon enough there will be some other man, or men to take your mind of this whole situation!

Keep us posted!

G

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 9:37:00 am  
Blogger Tod said...

KILL HER!!!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 10:26:00 am  
Blogger Likalia said...

I'm with tod - what a bitch!?

As for Bird, going with your instincts is always a good plan, so backing it down to just friends sounds like the way to go. He was honest with you and there isn't much more you can ask of a friend than that. Though should someone warn him about what a nutter he is possibly dating? You know as a good friend? ;)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 11:21:00 am  
Blogger Laura said...

I agree with Likalia to be just friends with Bird, cut off contact with the other girl and warn Bird about her!! So sorry V. That would hurt :(

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 12:34:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

oh girl. That is truly shitty.
(I absolutely hate that "something is dreadfully wrong" feeling you get in your stomach. Ugh.)

Yeah, she's a bitch and he's a coward. You are a wonderful person and do not need people like that in your life. Life is short, you know?

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 5:06:00 pm  
Blogger abstractjenn said...

Ohhhh Vickie - I'm sorry. First of all this woman is kicked out of the girlfriend club. She obviously doesn't know how to follow the rules. You are right we've all a liked someone who a friend has liked etc etc but this is a new level of yuck.

Remember when you posted about your instincts? Go with them on this one.

xoxox

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 7:12:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

The Ex, I'm thinking she maybe has some "stuff" to work through, or maybe just didn't know how to approach it.
*shrug*

Dilling, it is completely against code, eh? Yep. I don't think they're involved any more, but I'm certainly going to give it some space.

Hi Gale,
Welcome n stuff :)
I think you're right, to walk away from them for now. And, no, she wasn't obligated to be upfront at all, that's totally right. But no, the way she did handle things felt icky once I learned what was going on. I'm not entirely sure where Bird's head was at, but, yes, I think he's smart enough to have known what might have developed or what I might have been thinking of. He certainly does now...
Here's hoping that the other man does a good job of taking my mind off this situation! ;)

Tod, then I'd have to go to jail and that would put a damper on my social life, you know? Heh.

Likalia, I'll see what I can do about kicking it back down to friends, or, keeping it at friends really. Oh, and? As a friend? I did warn her about the...er... nuttery! Seems he'd already come to that conclusion. ;)

Laura, I probably won't be chatting with her much at all any more, but I will take the higher road when we're in the same room and stuff. I did mention to Bird how uncool things were. It's been good to talk about it too, so the hurt is more like an "ouch" now. :)

Yvonne, yeah, that stomach feeling isn't great, that's for sure! But, I'm fine, and yes... I'm only going to bother keeping the good people around :D

Abs Jenn,
She sure is out of my girlfriend club and will be put into the "I'm polite to you because I'm a good person" club. And I may stick out my tongue at her behind her back at some point! ;)
I'm working on sticking with the instincts too. *hugs*

Tuesday, April 08, 2008 7:26:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

See - I keep telling people that girls are evil and nasty, but nobody believes me.

You're not mean and nasty by the way - or my other half - or my friends - just everybody else.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008 3:49:00 am  
Blogger cocoa_no_gogo said...

Ouch!!

I'm still here thinking about you every once in awhile (in a non-creepy way). Keep on truckin.

Your pal,
CNG

p.s. what are you wearing?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008 7:55:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jonathan, I've always had the code: boys are dumb, girls are mean. Wait, that's probably more of a mantra or something, but yeah. Generally speaking, of course ;)

Cocoa, good to know about the non-creepy thing because I was just thinking about having to fax over another restraining order.

PS. That skimpy black number.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008 5:53:00 pm  

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