Tuesday, 29 April 2008

The Non-Date

Up until now, Bird and I have really only been movie buddies; watching videos or catching a movie together every once in a while. So, when he called me this weekend to ask if I wanted to meet him at a local pub I didn't really know what to think.

And, people? Let me tell you something. The only thing harder than trying to figure out what to wear on a date? Is trying to figure out what to wear on a "I don't think this is a date but what if it kind of is" kind of thing. You don't want to look like you think it's a date but you don't want to look not-nice just in case it has the potential to be a date, but if it's just a friendly thing and you look too date-like you'll make things weird. Girls, I know you know what I must have gone through, right? And guys? You're probably thinking the dude wouldn't have noticed what I was wearing unless I showed up naked, right?

So, on my way down to meet Bird, I called my buddy (hi Buddy!) and asked him, "How do you know if something's a date?"

"If you're wondering?" he answered, wisely, "Then it's probably not a date."


But seeing as I didn't know what to expect (like, is he meeting friends down there or will it just be the two of us) and since we haven't ever really hung out before not either on a couch or in a movie theatre, I'm pretty proud of how brave I was heading down to meet him. (And I know y'all are proud of me too)

Turns out it was just the two of us and we sat and chatted and he ate and I didn't (yet another future post there, my friends) and HOLY CRAP things keep falling down in my bathroom and freaking me out I told him I felt like we were in that scene from Jerry McGuire where they take him to a restaurant to fire him and Jerry realizes it's so that he can't make a scene.

See, last time we'd hung out, I told Bird that I wanted to talk to him. Now, please note I did not say "we need to talk" because, really, I was the only one who *needed* to talk, I was just hoping he'd talk back after I was done. And, all in all, it worked out well talking there because it wasn't a serious conversation but I still had the help of a Gin and Tonic to loosen the flow of stubbornly stuck in my head words and thoughts.

The downside to that helpful G&T is that I can't exactly remember all the details of what Bird had to say, but I do, thankfully, remember the gist of the conversation.

I basically told him that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page and that if either one of us started straying from that page we'd let the other know. I told him that I wasn't sure where he stood with things and with me, but that I wanted some clarification so that I could, you know, figure out the page. Or something that I swear made more sense at the time.

And guess who just texted me. Oh, irony, you can be so sweet.

So Bird and I are friends and like hanging out and that's all there needs to be to it right now. Neither of us seems in a space to be (or want?) a relationship right now and darn it if I'm now cursing myself for not asking him if I was someone he might want to be in a relationship with, but, whatever. The complication for me, of course, is that I need to make sure I don't get too emotionally invested in this guy, which, as it's been pointed out to me, can sometimes be hard when the guy is good to cuddle. And Bird is. Unfortunately. Fortunately.

I'm not really sure what else to say about it at this point, partly because there's a very cynical part of me that keeps saying "this guy's just not interested and is taking the easy 'I'm not ready for a relationship' route while still getting to hang out (and maybe even cuddle sometimes) a cool chick, how convenient for him." And that part gets countered by another part of me that says "you know what? You're a big girl and if you want to hang out with this guy that you seem to be attracted go, go right ahead, just take care of your heart and don't get too attached and see what happens." And then there's the *other* voice that says "dude? Just get it over with and sleep with him because you know this is going to end badly and you're going to get hurt so bad and so you might as well enjoy it while you can" And, let's not forget the final voice that says (accompanied by Disney music, by the way) "oh, but maybe he is the perfect man for you and it will all work out just perfectly in the end and this is only just the beginning of a beautiful relationship."

But that voice doesn't get much say because then the other three voices start arguing about how Bird's this and that and not my type and not good for me because and blah blah blah and so, yeah.... I'm probably making this far more complicated than it is.

Bird and I are just friends.

I'm just not sure I'm entirely buying that.

From my end, at least.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dont mean to sound harsh but I am a guy and it sounds like hes not that into you. Doesnt mean he wouldnt want to get intimate or hang out with you no strings attached. From my experience, I am not looking to be in a relationship right now really means I dont want to be in a relationship with you. If he met a girl he was truly interested he would be in a relationship in a second.

Sad to say but I have used that line a couple of times in the past.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 10:14:00 am  
Blogger Likalia said...

I have been exactly there myself, sometimes life is just too complicated and full of questions.


Oh and voices in our heads ;).

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 12:29:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hey anonymous,
I pretty much agree with you, I don't think he's that into me and I do think that if he was *really* interested in me he'd be in "relationship mode" So I'll just keep reminding myself of that, ya know? :)

Likalia, it would be easier sometimes if there were no complications whatsoever.

*hugs ya back*

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 6:52:00 pm  
Blogger The Single Girl said...

As he queen of the non date, overall that one sounds pretty great. And cuddling? Dude, keep the cuddling and the friendship and even the voices in your head ... but don't worry too much about the outcome just have fun for now.

Great post.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 7:32:00 pm  
Blogger abstractjenn said...

I'm not sure I'm entirely buying that either.....

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 7:33:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Honey, those voices...stop giving them caffeine!
(Seriously though, your voices put mine to shame!)

I like B's girlfriend's idea of you going to meet your collective crush dude. ;)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 10:13:00 pm  
Blogger Alexandra said...

I hate the non-date.

That's all I have to contribute. My voices are on on a break.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 8:49:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

TSG, it was a good non-date for sure. I'll do my best to not worry about any outcomes, I promise. I'll practice not worrying! Thanks.

Abs Jenn, totally not buying it, eh? ;)

Yvonne, I'll see if I can work up to the collective crush visit. I did almost nearly go into his workplace today so that's... good, right? And maybe if I starve my voices they'll go bug someone else?

Alexandra, do you think I could put my voices into time out? That'd rule. This was my first non-date. I think. Or, at least it was the first I knew was a non date going in. Kinda. ;)

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 4:44:00 pm  

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