Monday, 16 June 2008

Learning as I Go


I'm supposed to post today, I know, but my brain feels out of stories to tell.

I mean, I could tell you about the nice brunch I had with my Dad for Father's Day, or I could tell you about the article I read in O Magazine about sperm donors and all the thoughts I've had about that since reading it, or I could tell you about the strange dream I had last night but none of these really seem interesting enough to write an entire post about.

I guess, in some ways, I'm feeling a little limited in what I can post here lately. See, this is awkward to bring up but there's a person who reads this blog occasionally who doesn't respect the fact that this is an anonymous blog. And this person also occasionally criticizes me for things I've talked about, privately I thought, on this blog. And that makes it hard for me to write freely and honestly, because I feel like I'm waiting to get told off.

I mean, even writing this is awkward because I'm not good at conflict and I don't feel like bringing up, again, with this person the fact that I'm kind of not cool with the way they've treated the fact that I shared this secret thing with them. So I feel like I've had to shut myself down here a bit lately, or like I've had to adjust and alter what I wanted to say because all of a sudden I'm less comfortable with my audience. And that sucks.

One of the main reasons I wanted to have an anonymous blog was so that I could say whatever I wanted to say without having to filter it through "acceptable" social friendship norms. I have a lot of good friends, but they're all married and somehow it's hard to talk to married friends about the ups and downs of being single. Because for most of them it's a distant, somewhat painful memory. Like high school.

And, yes, I've told some of my good friends that I write a blog. Most of them didn't care and didn't ask to read it. I've given the URL to some friends for their input and, in one case, because that friend had a blog and I thought fair's fair. So, really, I've only had the one "bad" thing happen with the one trust breaking and that's, statistically, pretty good. It just doesn't feel good. And I guess I just don't know what to do about it.

I suppose I'll just learn to deal with it and maybe my posts will be so boring for a while that they'll give up reading. Maybe they've already given up and I'm fearing something that doesn't even exist.

I'm good at that. And should probably stop.

I guess it just hurts when you're open and honest and you get flak for it. And I think Angella was talking about it a while ago, but somehow it hurts more when the flak's from someone you know.

Blah. I need to stop this post now because I'm not sure I know what I'm trying to say anymore, and, quite honestly, it's not really a post I feel like posting.

I just think it's going to be a long time before I tell anyone about my blog again, and that's going to have to be ok.

12 Comments:

Blogger Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Apparently someone hasn't read, or doesn't understand, the fine print at the bottom of the blog. I'm sorry they've made it difficult to share openly. It's such a shame to have that type of thing interfere with one of the greatest aspects of blogging.

Monday, June 16, 2008 8:42:00 am  
Blogger Alexandreena said...

I know what you mean. I have no intention of sharing my blog info with anyone.

Monday, June 16, 2008 9:42:00 am  
Blogger Yvonne said...

That sucks indeed. ;(

Anonymous trust-breaker - shame on you!

You could always pack up your cyberbags and move to another domain?

Monday, June 16, 2008 1:23:00 pm  
Blogger The Single Girl said...

I totally know where you are coming from. I recently found out that my ex boyfriend reads my blog and it has definitely made me self censor lately.

Please don't pack up and leave without warning some of your single blog friends ;)

Monday, June 16, 2008 6:24:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Woo Woo, I'd forgotten about the fine print! Hee hee! Thanks for the reminder, it made me smile :) I'm going to re-read it myself when I feel self-censoring ;)

Alexandreena, I hear ya on that one.

Yvonne, I did think about that while writing this post but figured I'd just keep on keeping on. Ya know?

TSG, the self-censoring is hard, eh? Makes things feel less real. And, I wouldn't leave y'all without a warning! ;)

Monday, June 16, 2008 6:55:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

i won't tell anyone about it

Monday, June 16, 2008 6:57:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Psssst, kay! ;)

Monday, June 16, 2008 7:00:00 pm  
Anonymous www.startswithanx.com said...

That sucks. I say be free with it and let them deal.

Monday, June 16, 2008 11:10:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Good advice. Now I just have to follow through :)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008 4:17:00 pm  
Blogger abstractjenn said...

This happened to another blog that I read daily. One day I logged on and she was just.....gone. I took a stab at her email address and was correct. She emailed me back to let me know that she had to shut down her blog because although she kept everything anonymous (only her boyfriend knew it was her) someone was going to great lengths to find out her identity and was doing all kinds of other sketchy shit. It was scary for her so she had to stop - I was pissed because her blog was great. She reappeared and it's good but not what it once was.

It's easy to say let the chips fall and they can deal with it - it's harder to actually do it. Maybe if you just do a little bit at a time it will get easier.

In the meantime...A POX on you person who is giving our Vickie a hard time!!

we love ya Vickie!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008 5:44:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Jenn!

It would be scary to have someone trying to find out who you were, eh?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008 8:19:00 pm  
Blogger Tod said...

It is a hard lesson to learn. Only a couple of close friends know about my blog and I intend to keep it that way. I've seen blogs go by the wayside because of family or friends not liking what they read. I must admit that when I read that new boyfriends or girlfriends have been given a bloggers address I think, "NOOOOO!!!" It will end in tears!

I hope you manage to get it sorted. It would be a shame if you stopped blogging. :)

Thursday, June 19, 2008 7:03:00 am  

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