Bird. The Second.

If you're just joining us, this post is already in progress. Go read yesterday's post. Go on, I'll wait.

"When?" was Bird's first response, which amused me highly, and to which I responded with "You know, ever." because "Well, how soon can we get to your place?" didn't seem appropriate at the time.

There was a pause, and an amused look on Bird's face and as I picked up my drink and watched him process, I really didn't know what his answer would be, but I expected it to be a "no."

I told him, in case he didn't want to hurt my feelings, that I wouldn't be offended either way, and I snuck a fry off his plate. (Because fries are good and I'm opportunistic like that. I asked him if it was ok to have a fry once I started chewing on it)

I was surprised to hear that he'd thought about it and that, yes, he figures he would, but just doesn't know if he will. And I understood, I think, what he meant by that. (A friend of mine, when I told her he'd said this said it was a totally offensive thing to say and why didn't this guy just sleep with me already. Um, I don't know?) And then the gin and tonic kicked in and I spent the rest of our hilarious conversation trying not to kiss him.

And he took me home and I didn't know what to say when we got to my place so I didn't say anything. And we hugged, as usual and he went home and I couldn't fall asleep. Haven't slept all that well this past week, actually, because I keep waking up and wondering why it felt like someone was in my bed. Or I keep trying to fall asleep only to have a Bird sex dream wake me up. It's frustrating. So frustrating that I decided to do something about it.

And this is where things get interesting if I take a step back and observe, like an anthropologist or something.

I decided to write Bird an email, being upfront about where I'm at right now and that while I wouldn't push it, I was willing to sleep with him. (This is a pretty bold statement, I think and one that I was comfortable making.) And Bird hardly ever answers emails so I didn't think too much after I sent it. But my brain did start to tick... "Hmmm, he hasn't done anything. Why is that? I'm a hot chick. Wouldn't any guy jump at the opening to sleep with me? Or at least to get some action? What's the deal here" Curious, I send him a text. "You should stay over if you don't go away this weekend." it said, because in our talk the other night, Bird had mentioned that a couple of nights he'd thought he wasn't going home after a video. ("If you'd asked, you wouldn't have." I told him) And Bird didn't go away this weekend.

Which, you know, to my logic meant he was going to come over Friday and stay and we'd see what happened and worst case scenario I'd have another sleepless night with a warm body to steal covers from.

But he didn't, and I wondered. So we went out Saturday night to have a couple of drinks and while the evening didn't get off to a smooth start due to assumptions on my part and Bird being Bird on his part, things were fine once I met up with him.

And after a while of Bird not bringing up anything I asked him if he had a habit of just ignorning things he didn't want to talk about.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Um, my email?" I grinned, giving him that look that you give to your puppy when he's done something bad but cute.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I didn't read that email. I was busy, it looked interesting, so I saved it for later when I had time, and I haven't had time yet." he said.

And I burst out laughing. How many days had I been wondering what he thought, working myself up over what he might or might not be thinking. I rolled my eyes. At him, for being an email dork, and at me, for working myself up over something that wasn't.

And as he was walking me home later, I told him that I really only had so many more blows to my ego that I could take.

He paused. "Like what?"

"Like, the email you didn't read. And the text."

"Text?"

"Yeah, the text I sent a couple of days ago where I asked you to stay over."

"You didn't ask." he replied "That wasn't asking."

And I remembered everything so many of my guy friends and my brother had told me. "Guys are simple. They say it like it is." And the observer in me was fascinated. Because there was I, being, in my view, very open. And there was he, not seeing it at all the way I'd intended.

"That wasn't asking."

Wow. How many times have I thought I'd said something to a guy clearly? And how many times was it not clear enough. Do I have to completely re-learn the way I go about getting things I want from guys? "Yes honey, I would like for you to send me flowers at work on Valentine's day." Or are there some guys who get more subtle messages? Are there some guys who would have seen what I said as an invitation. Maybe there are. Probably there are. But at least now I know that there are some that aren't.

And before you start telling me that sleeping with Bird is a bad idea, don't, it's ok. It most likely won't ever happen. I'm not sure we'll ever get past the "cuddling on the couch" stage and that's ok. Bird and I may not be meant to be anything more than that to each other, that's fine. But if it does happen, that's fine too. For where I'm at right now? That's fine.

It may not be fine for where I'm at a month down the road and if it's not, I won't go there. It's just right now, the switch that got turned on when I ran into DD hasn't been turned back off yet. And if that switch needs some hot man action before it flicks itself back off, Bird's a safer bet than some random guy.

Besides, since I don't sleep with random guys? Bird's the only bet I've got, and anyway, the way I see it Bird's a decent choice if I'm looking for a dalliance; I know him, we're casual friends, we get along well, and I know his faults, which makes me less likely to have false expectations.

So we'll see. I'm guessing platonic will win over passionate.

And now my confession is done.