Wednesday, 6 August 2008

A Thing That Is Accepted as Certain to Happen, Without Proof ?


An assumption.

An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat?

Fear.

You combine these two and you have the cause of a lot of the frustration I feel. And felt, this weekend.

Twice this weekend, assumptions were made and not followed up on. No, not the end of the world, but ironically on the same evening.

Remember Runner Girl's friend, the shy but sweet guy? Well I hadn't heard from him in months and he emailed me saying they were all getting together this weekend and would I like to join them. I said sure and asked if Runner Girl would be going since I didn't know the house the party would be at. He said that yes, she would be going, and then I didn't hear anything more about it. By the time it got to Friday and I still hadn't heard from him I assumed things had fallen through. Or something.

Turns out I'd assumed he'd give me the details of the thing; let me know where and when, but he'd assumed I'd call Runner Girl and get a ride with her. We both assumed wrong. Neither of us clarified with the other. *shrug*

So, being that I was feeling rather left out and forgotten, I texted Bird and asked him if he wanted to go get drinks. (Thinking to myself that he'd read my email and we'd have something, at least, to talk about)

And he said yes, he just had to do a couple of things so I sat and watched Comedy Now online and amused myself. For an hour and fifteen minutes.

At which point, I got a little annoyed at waiting and asked if he'd drowned in the shower or something. No, he said, but he'd meet me downtown in half an hour.

Not wanting to walk downtown myself as a lone female in the dark (see: Fear above), not one to drive when drinking, and living too close to downtown to take a cab, I asked if he'd meet me at my place and walk down with me.

"Um. I'm already here" was the response.

Which, man oh man, did that ever trigger me. See, the way my friends and I roll is thus: we say we'll do such and such, but usually we need to change/shower/eat first. So we do, and then we call the other and say "Ok, I'm ready now, where are we going and do you want to meet us there or shall we come get you?" So, I'd assumed that this was the way Bird would handle things as well. I assumed. I thought that was what would happen, but didn't ask or confirm.

I was livid. And hurt. All crying and stuff. Started a post, even, about how poorly treated I had been by two guys this weekend.

And then I took a breath. I reminded myself that I couldn't be mad at Bird for not knowing what I'd expected. I could be hurt that he didn't think to ask, but that's Bird's personality and not a personal attack on me or my worth.

There was a lot of deep breathing on my part. Some reminding myself that I wasn't reacting to the situation at hand (things not going exactly the way I'd planned) but was reacting to some other situation from the past that this was bringing up for whatever reason. Some fear.

So I sat down on the floor by the door and told myself this: You can stay home and feel sorry for yourself and write a blog post about how poor little you got treated badly by two big mean men or you can go out and have a drink and get out of the house. Come on, it's Saturday night, bed? Or out?

And I started to get ready. (Again. Having previously taken off my clothes in my pouty huff) I decided still not to take the car (am a good girl) and that by the time the cab I called got to my place I could already be downtown. So I texted Bird and told him if I died on my walk down it was his fault.

He promised to admit as much in my eulogy.

I got over my fear of walking alone after 11 at night and walked the well lit roads to the pub.

Fun was had, blue drinks were consumed, and Bird walked me home.

Moral of the story, my friends? Don't assume.

But you already knew that, didn't you?

9 Comments:

Blogger CindyDianne said...

I find it is really hard not to take it personally that my friends don't think like I do. Then, like you, I would rather get over it than stew in it. I am glad you were safe on your walk. I would have thought twice about it as well!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 9:37:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

It's true, isn't it, that it's hard to not take it personally? *sigh*
I'm glad I was safe on my walk too! Not something I wanted to do, that's for sure :)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 1:48:00 pm  
Blogger Steph said...

Every single day of my life I have to remind myself not to assume. And inevitably every day I make some sort of an assumption at least once.

Glad to see it's not just me.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 3:49:00 pm  
Anonymous stepping over the junk said...

You know what they say...to assume is to make an "ass" out of "u" and "me". (get it?) To find people who are sensitive also in making sure all is communicated is hard sometimes too, I find. I find I am always the one following up for information. On occasion, someone surprises me!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 5:05:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Gosh, no, Steph. Definitely not just you! ;)

SOTJ, I've heard that one before! And yeah, communication can be so darn complex, eh?

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 5:08:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

you know, sometimes even each person's interpretation of exactly the same information is so different....
but sometimes, the misinformation opens amazing doors, too...

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 7:30:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

That's true....

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 10:10:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Moral of the story, my friends? Don't assume.

That and so many boys are naturally clueless. ;(

Thursday, August 07, 2008 10:20:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, there's that too!

Thursday, August 07, 2008 1:20:00 pm  

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