Over the past year or so, I've watched her fall more and more in love with her boyfriend and when she told me he'd proposed I felt like calling him up and asking him what took him so long.
She asked me to go with her to look at wedding dresses over the weekend, and I was happy to do so. Strangely enough, this isn't something I'd ever done before. That I hadn't done it before then made me feel a little bit sad even though I've only had a few girlfriends get married, (many of my close friends were already married by the time I met them or at the time I met them, we didn't know each other well enough to share that kind of experience) and we didn't live in the same town at the time so it wouldn't really have been easy to do, it still felt somehow lonely to realize that I'd never been asked before.
I cried those happy proud tears watching her and how beautiful she looked in the dresses and it was great.
That evening, however, it all just seemed to creep up on me.
Most everyone, it seems, is getting married. Having babies. Newly in love. Trying on wedding dresses. Proposing to their girlfriends. Getting pregnant.
I'm not.
Not any of those things.
Not close to most of them.
I guess I just keep the hope that I'm close to being newly in love.
Maybe it's just around the corner.
I was just surprised by how hard it hit me sitting home alone, knowing it wasn't me trying on those dresses with a sparkly ring on my finger and a smile lighting up my face.
It wasn't jealousy, it just hurt.
13 comments:
This may make you sadder but hopefully not.
I dated for the first 35 years of my life (most of the time less than successfully than others) before I found my wife.
In those years, I have felt the sadness you feel now. In taking my time, though, I found my life's partner, camping buddy, ski partner and now mother to my daughter and soon to be another son/daughter.
I'm 44 now and couldn't be happier but it took time and while the journey was long, it was rich, rewarding, happy, sad, eventful, exciting, boring, lonely, festive, full of laughter and tears, etc.... I am a better person for the journey.
Enjoy your friends, be happy, sad, drunk, sober, silly and enjoy the experience of just living. Your happiness isn't tied to any one person other than yourself.
I'm so glad I found your blog! Nothing against newlyweds or mommies, I love their blogs that I read. But, I'd also like to read something that doesn't make me feel like I need to hurry out and find some unsuspecting boy to wed me immediately!!!
Thanks Dominic.
Claus, that didn't make me sadder at all, thanks.
Ashley, I'm glad you found my blog too then! :D
One of my favourite quotes:
"It's better to be alone than to wish you were."
I have to say that 90% of my friends are unhappy with their husbands and at least half of those women want out of their relationships but can't or won't because they're "supposed" to be married, which is why they did it in the first place. Yeah I get sad too, a LOT. But I'd rather be miserable and alone than miserable with some random guy.
Why is it so hard to find someone who fits?
I dunno. . .
I think I just found my favorite blog. I know exactly how you are feeling. I go through the same feeling about 2 or 3 times a month. I definitely agree with Ms Behaviour, I'd rather be alone then hate the relationship I'm in. I have many friends going through that.
I hope to find my soul-mate soon but I'm gonna have fun in the meantime! Try to stay positive!
Well thanks :)
And, yeah, it's true, single is better than in a bad/the wrong relationship.
:)
Ditto what Ms. Behaviour said!
Whenever I get sad that it's not me, I think about the (majority) of couples I know who tolerate each other rather than love each other. It's so sad. ;(
The few that I know who have that special, elusive and long-lasting love are definitely the exception as opposed to the rule.
(That's a happy, mellow smile, not a Golly Gee Happy! smile btw) ;)
Sometimes having a boyfriends sucks ass! And I'm sure having me as a girlfriend sucks as well, sometimes. So I guess the grass ain't greener anywhere else.
Fair enough! ;)
Oh thank goodness I'm not the only one!
Why is it so hard to watch our fabulous friends get what we all really want deep down .... to be happy & loved.
You're not at all the only one.
And I don't know why it's so hard.
*sigh* ;)
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