Saturday, 16 January 2010

But If You Try Sometimes You Just Might Find


I know myself well enough to know that five years ago, I wouldn't have been able to say what I'm about to say, so for that alone I applaud myself mightily. Good job me.

I'm an attractive woman.

As I said above, I haven't always believed so, and this has been, I'm sure, one of the reasons I've been single more than not.

But, now I know I'm attractive, and I also find that I don't have the time and energy I used to.

How are these things related?

Well, the way I see it, had I known I was good looking when I was still in University, I would have possibly, probably, gone out more. I would MOST DEFINITELY have flirted more. And I would have been more confident. Would have said yes more. Would have expected more for myself. Would have allowed myself to be treated better.

Theoretically, these things would have landed me married.

Or not.

But, now, I'm not in the clubbing scene. I'm not out with a group of single girlfriends looking to pick up guys. My girlfriends are all married now. Some of them are having kids. We all have jobs. Careers. We don't go out and live it up any more. Or, when we do, we're home in time for them to kiss their babies goodnight.

On top of that, I spent some time in the last couple of months really coming to terms with the fact that I don't get out much.

I really don't. And it's not a bad thing, I like my time to myself and I, a few years ago made a promise to myself that I'd live by myself before I got married just to prove to myself that I could do it.

And I can.

But that's not my point.

My point is that I'm an attractive woman. I'm funny and nice and smart and I have a good job (even though it's a top secret spy job that I can't talk about) and I'm a good person. I'm a good catch.

So why haven't I been caught?

Well, I used to think it was something bad about me.

Now I realize it's because I'm not out there.

I'm not even in the friggin pond, never mind the ocean or wherever it is you're supposed to go to get caught. When you're a good catch. Um, is this metaphor running away with itself? Yes, yes it is!

So that's one of my non-resolutions for this year. I'm going to get out.

I don't know what that looks like, I just know I have to be out of my workplace (there are no single spies, I swear) and out of my apartment (there are no single men living in my apartment, trust me I've checked all the closets and cupboards) because neither of those places have worked for me.

I don't necessarily think it means I'm going to be going out clubbing again or to bars or pubs or wherever it is one goes, I just know if I'm going to meet someone, I actually have to be out.

You know, living.

And, no, I don't know exactly how that's going to work.

But I'm going to give it a shot anyway.

If I don't meet anyone by getting out of the house, at least I'm getting out of the house.

Ain't nothing wrong with that.

25 Comments:

Blogger Samantha said...

Hey Victoria -

Just stumbled onto your blog. Having only read a few posts so far - I think we may have some things in common!

I too have resolved to get out more. Not necessarily to meet a man, although that would be a bonus. My reasons have more to do with cultivating friendships.

Have you ever considered going to a bar (I mean an upscale, lounge-type bar) by yourself? I've been contemplating this... haven't worked up the nerve to do it yet.

Saturday, January 16, 2010 9:12:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hi Samantha, I haven't thought of doing that, I too, would have to work up some major nerve to do that! If you do, let me know how it goes :)

Saturday, January 16, 2010 12:43:00 pm  
Blogger Ms Behaviour said...

I'm moving out West. Let's get out there together. There's a big stinkin' ocean and it's time to start swimming!

Also, I'm with you on the being attractive/shoulda done more with it. Like bikinis. I should have worn more bikinis when I was in my 20s.

Saturday, January 16, 2010 1:16:00 pm  
Blogger Richard Moore said...

Victoria,
Where do I start? I found your blog randomly on someones favorite list and I am glad I did. I have read all of August 06, December 09 and all of 2010 so far. I am commenting on this particular post today because I need to make a point of putting myself out there more. If that is your picture from behind in the suit you look cute - you seem cute too from your writings. I too consider myself to be attractive...I am 38 years old. Live in Atlanta Georgia.
I really like the idea about taking a picture everyday for the year. You will have to share them with us. I do not follow any blogs but believe I have found one here.
I wish i knew how to put myself into more situations to meet quality women. Most all my friends are married and have children. I also wish I had more courage to approach woman and engage in conversation. Im sure the guy in the store wanted to talk to you - maybe he was too nervous to approach you?
Anyway. Keep up the good work. I look forward to getting to know you better!
PS 2010 IS going to be the best year of our lives so far. I am convinced. Just believe it!
Richard

Saturday, January 16, 2010 1:18:00 pm  
Anonymous Joel said...

Courageous post. Personally it took me a while to realize I don’t really like going to bars or drinking lots. I’d rather get up on Saturday and go for a run. I think figuring out what you like to do, and doing it is important. Intuitively I know that when I’m not working so much and ready for a relationship I’ll do one of two things, or both: 1) online dating 2) move to a bigger city (finding my way back to Victoria eventually, of course). Stack the odds in your favour… why not?

Saturday, January 16, 2010 1:29:00 pm  
Anonymous Single Girl said...

You go girl!

I'm vowing to get out more this year too. Now that all my friends are married and having babies, I find it harder because they all like to stay in. But, that's not doing me any good. I have to force myself to branch out and get out there...I've been on this dating diet for too long. Time to get back in the game. Thanks for the motivation!

Saturday, January 16, 2010 4:02:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are my single girl role model! I love your blog

Saturday, January 16, 2010 6:00:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Ms B,
We're swimming in a metaphorical ocean, right? Not, like... actually jumping in the ocean, right? ;)

Hey Richard,
Glad you found the blog and are enjoying it. I always enjoy finding a new blog and get to read through the archives. It always feels like starting a good new book :)
Let me know how it goes for you getting out there more. Go for it!

I'll totally share some of my photos here, but you can always click on one to take you to my flickr page, then you can see all of them!
I read a thing the other day about how to start conversation in a non-threatening way, they suggested you talk about something neutral, not the person. So, like a version of how's the weather, but not actually not the weather. ;)
I do believe 2010 is going to be an awesome one. So far so great!


Thanks Joel. I think I do need to find more things I enjoy doing. Starting in my career has been my main focus for the last few (too many?) years and now I feel like I have time to look at what I want to do outside of that. It's good.
I did dip into the online dating thing and just didn't like it. But I know it works for a lot of people :)
Absolutely, stack the odds in your favour!

SG, it's harder when your friends are married with kids, they really don't have the time/ability/energy to go out and about as much.

Good for you, you go get out there and have fun!!! :D

Saturday, January 16, 2010 6:03:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oh, and thanks Anonymous! :D

Saturday, January 16, 2010 6:03:00 pm  
Blogger Dori B said...

I am a recent follower of your blog because I seem to find myself in some of the same scenarios..definitely have the "get out of the house and stop being a homebody" resolution as well..good luck with your endeavors!

Saturday, January 16, 2010 8:12:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

You too Dori! :)

Saturday, January 16, 2010 8:54:00 pm  
Blogger Likalia said...

Wow, did all the single people randomly wake up on the first day of the new decade with the same thought? LOL

I have been trying to figure out ways of doing so myself. When I lived in Victoria I used to just go read in coffee shops but I never do in my small town. I have friends trying to convince me to start ballroom dancing, though considering the women out number the men almost 3 to 1 I am not sure it would be anything more than an enjoyable past time.

I did join a learn to run clinic for women, which may lead to new friendships, which in turn could lead to single men I suppose. Never know...:)

Still like you, I am going to endeavor to try at least. We'll have to re-cap in December to see how we did.

Good luck.

Saturday, January 16, 2010 10:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, maybe we all did Likalia. Decades probably have that kind of effect on people :) So, yeah, let me know how it goes for you!

Sunday, January 17, 2010 11:07:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Victoria,
I am going to sign this comment anonymous. I commented yesterday..I am from the southern part of the US. After reading through some of your post I have a couple of questions and want to share something with you. First, have you seen this proposal video on YouTube?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAo8JsZoHJg

Second. One of the things that struck me as interesting was a story you were telling us about meeting a guy in line at the grocery store. He asked if he could take a look at something in your cart. He really might have been just looking for and excuse to start a conversation...Hum? Anyway, you mentioned that you would like to be more inclined to talk to people. I am not sure why I can not get this blog or you off my mind. I am not a wierdo and honestly have never really spent that much time wandering around the internet.
After reading here for the past couple days I have to tell you I would love the opportunity to talk to you more - even if i really don't know who you are. I would like to get to know you better. Ask you questions. What was it in the video of Going to California that makes you want to cry? Tell you about experiences I am having and have had with some of the ladies and friends in my life. This all may sound off the wall I know . Is there a forum or separate email address I can use to write you? How can we do this to protect our identities? 2010 is going to be my year - i am convinced. Things happen for a reason and I discovered you and your blog for a reason... I had to throw this out there. Put myself at risk and just ask. I hope you have had a great weekend and look forward to hearing back form you.
PS I love your photography! You have inspired me to get my camera out and take more pictures. Perhaps I too will get a Flickr account and let you take a look at some pictures I have. Not professional like you but some I think are interesting.

Sunday, January 17, 2010 11:59:00 am  
Blogger Yvonne said...

You go girl!

Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:01:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Y ;)

Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

"Anonymous",
1. I hadn't seen that proposal, that's a lot of work that guy went to, very cute!

2. Talking to strangers can still feel awkward, even if there's no romantic intention. Well, for me anyway, I tend to be shy. I talked to someone else at a grocery store yesterday and felt awkward. But I did it. So there you go.

Sure, I can talk to you about what's going on with you. Sometimes just having someone to bounce things off of can help. I do have a separate email, which I'll put in the comments here for a few days and then get rid of so the spam bots don't have too much fun with it.
Thanks for the photo compliment. I love taking pictures, I wouldn't call myself a professional, I just love doing it! Flickr's fun, if you like pictures and taking them you should totally join!
Have a good Sunday

Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:56:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Victoria,
Got the email address. You can take it down now. I'll send you a note later tonight! Thanks.

Sunday, January 17, 2010 1:41:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

okie dokie.

Sunday, January 17, 2010 1:43:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Wonderful post, and perhaps the most interesting reaction I have seen to a post in years of blogging.

A thought kept coming to mind while reading your plans for the year ahead; "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door," he used to say. "You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to."

Sunday, January 17, 2010 1:58:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well thanks Jonathan :)

And, I'll make sure to keep my feet. ;)

Sunday, January 17, 2010 2:15:00 pm  
Blogger April Fire said...

Time to get a dog! It'll help you get out of the apartment (quite literally when you take him/her for a walk twice a day), help you get exercise, be a companion when you get home and who knows - there may be some cute, single non-spy guys at the training classes you sign up for!

Monday, January 18, 2010 7:33:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

April, I would SO totally get a dog if I was allowed (no pets allowed in my place). So. Totally!

Monday, January 18, 2010 4:37:00 pm  
Anonymous Amy Arnaz said...

Hi Victoria,
I'm new to your blog ~ found you quite accidentally. I would like to comment on this post. I just had this discussion with my daughter who sounds a lot like you in what she says about life and "getting out of the house." I read several of your posts and they are interesting to me. I like to read blogs that include the author's ponderings. I'm going to bookmark your blog and come back soon! Good reading. Amy Arnaz

Thursday, January 21, 2010 12:27:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hi Amy,
I love accidental blog findings, welcome! :D
Very cool that you had a similar discussion with your daughter, hopefully she finds ways to get out of the house too!
Hopefully see you again!
Victoria

Thursday, January 21, 2010 8:29:00 pm  

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