Thursday, 14 January 2010

You Can't Always Get What You Want


Maybe I want too much.

Maybe you can't have it all.

But maybe you can. And is there anything wrong in aiming for it all?

I want a whirlwind romance. No, whirlwind's not the right word, but I want that time with someone where you're doing things together and enjoying each other's company and where you're going on hikes or walking a dog at the beach or playing a board game with friends and there's laughing and fun and that feeling of just the two of you there getting to know more and more about what you like about each other. And that's where the whirlwind part comes in because it's just like you're caught up in this whirlwind of fun. And you look forward to the phone calls and the special surprises and the time to just hang out.

And I want somebody who is everything. Someone who can, over time, become my best friend. Someone who is kind and gentle and loving and sweet and attractive.

And there's the rub. The thorn currently stuck in my side. The metaphor to represent my feeling of being hobbled.

Because I did meet someone who is nice and kind and sweet and so many of the things I want in a partner, but he's not attractive. I didn't have that feeling of excitement when I thought about seeing him and I just didn't really care.

And it sucked and still sucks because there's part of me that's scared and wants to fight against the voice that's telling me there's something better out there because what if there's not?

What if I can't have it all? What if I have to give up handsome to have kind and sweet and thoughtful and all the rest.

Or what if I can have handsome and life a life of butterflies and lust and whirlwind but he's not that kind or nice or he's ok.

But I want to believe I can have it all.

I really do.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Dominic said...

Don't give up hope yet. After all, I'm all those things, so there's bound to be one or two others around somewhere ;)

Thursday, January 14, 2010 10:04:00 am  
Anonymous Joel said...

...”But if you try sometimes well you just might find You get what you need” Hang in there, you’re a catch.

Thursday, January 14, 2010 10:54:00 am  
OpenID highheelgal said...

I know the feeling. I had it with my ex. Then he said "something's missing." I thought it was perfect. Perhaps it was just perfect for me. But yeah, it was a whirlwind and it felt amazing. Too bad it's so hard to find.

Thursday, January 14, 2010 3:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well, I won't give up hope then Dominic :)

Joel, that's the title of an upcoming post, indeed! And, thanks :)

It can be hard to find highheelgal, and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you two, that's an awful feeling. :(

Thursday, January 14, 2010 3:53:00 pm  
Blogger Laurene said...

i understand you, victoria. that happens to me, too. all the time. :] and it's hard because i question myself a lot--whether i'm being selfish for not caring and not being that much interested.

i remember this quote i found lurking around the internet before: "just because algae settles doesn't mean you should, too."

Thursday, January 14, 2010 6:19:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

You're right Laurene, the self-questioning makes it so much harder than it might ordinarily be.

Good quote ;)

Thursday, January 14, 2010 6:34:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might find it and i wish you luck but the odds are not high. realistically, the guy who has it all is either already married or getting laid left & right; ie not ready to commit. the guy who has it all rich, handsome, smart, etc., can have most girls and he knows it. thus, he probably wont be looking to settle down (unless he is older).

Thursday, January 14, 2010 7:43:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks for wishing me luck.

Thursday, January 14, 2010 7:59:00 pm  
Anonymous Joanna said...

I'm in a similar situation and know exactly how you feel. I encourage you to hold out for better, I think you can have it all!

Thursday, January 14, 2010 8:28:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Joanna! :)

Thursday, January 14, 2010 8:31:00 pm  
Blogger Ms Behaviour said...

While I'm not advocating settling by any means (I'm too old for that :), I do think that most women have unrealistic expectations of men. Imagine for one moment that you're a man. Would you expect to meet a woman who was your best friend, could make you laugh, always knew the right thing to say and also be smokin' hot attractive, a great mother and all the rest of it? No. So why do women expect to find all those things in one man? Sure, your man can be your best friend but, eventually, the time will come when he doesn't want to talk and you do. That's what girlfriends are for. They're also for shopping and baking cakes together and buying baby shower gifts. Men are for entirely other purposes. Which is not to say you should scoop up the first one that comes along. Pick a good one. Just don't expect him to be a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Know what I'm saying?

Thursday, January 14, 2010 10:04:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I hear ya.

Friday, January 15, 2010 4:55:00 pm  
Anonymous Chris said...

All I can say Victoria is don't settle. I was thinking of settling (I'm 39) and in the past 5 months I've met a great lady and she's everything I was wanting. I'm really glad that I didn't settle because I would have missed out.

Friday, January 15, 2010 6:09:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Chris. It's always always encouraging to hear that.

Glad to hear about your lady, but I guess that really does mean we're not getting married eh? Coach Taylor here I come! ;)

Friday, January 15, 2010 10:05:00 pm  
Anonymous Single Girl said...

I have been absent of late, and am just catching up on a few of your blogs and got to this one - SOOO how I'm feeling right now. It can be really discouraging, but I'm determined to hang in there and you should too! He's out there...if we say it enough, we'll start to believe it :)

Saturday, January 16, 2010 4:00:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

And if we start to believe it, it'll happen! :D

Saturday, January 16, 2010 5:44:00 pm  
Blogger Catlin said...

I have a very handsome bf but he's not really trustworthy (among other things) and it really sucks and so I think I'd give someone who is all else, but not handsome a shot.

But that's me.

Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:34:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Aww, I'm sorry Catlin :/

Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:47:00 pm  

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