Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Fighting Alone

I'm not always the easiest person to get together with, I know this.

There are times when I'll get three invitations to do something on the same day and on top of that I've got my own list of things I thought I needed to get done that day and somehow it all sends me into a panic and I say maybe to everyone instead of yes to just one and then I don't end up going anywhere because I feel too guilty to say no.

And then there are times when I get an invitation and I say, sure that sounds good, call me later about it but the person doesn't and I don't want to call them to ask because then I start wondering if that makes me sound desperate or needy to call and say "hey, were we going to hang out?"

But both these situations mean I don't end up going to do the whatever it was that was on the table and that sometimes leads me to feel all sorry for myself because my head talks me into nasty places about how they must have forgotten, or that they were too busy to, or things that, if I told my friends they'd probably think I was nuts.

Which I sometimes am.

But there's also the nervous times. The times when say someone I don't know very well wants to do something and I'm nervous about it. Or the times when someone wants me to meet them somewhere and I get anxious about the who what where's of it.

And sometimes, quite honestly, I just want an evening or a time to myself, but it's frustrating when those times are the same times as when there's stuff going on because couldn't the timing just be perfect more often?

This is a busy season we're heading into. A season of invites and people wanting to see you and not knowing how to stop yourself from getting spread too thin.

C-Dawg's coming home for the holidays, I've been counting down the days for longer than's probably normal, but I want to just put up a sign to everyone saying "Closed for the Season, Already Fully Booked." Because I want to see as much of her as possible.

But there's family too. And friends. And, who knows, there could be dates I suppose.

And there will be a need for quiet time, I'm sure.

I just am trying to learn, and to teach myself that I do, sometimes, need to push out of my comfort zone. That I do, sometimes, need to push out of my quiet time is needed zone.

It's just all about balance, it always is.

How do you keep yours?


Blogger dating diva said...

Finding balance is still hard for me too. Just finding time to be alone and do my own thing for a bit usually does the trick. I'm still working on prioritizing though, sometimes I mess up and over schedule myself and things get crazy. I'm still a work in progress :)


Wednesday, November 24, 2010 8:10:00 am  
Blogger "Just Sayin....." said...

I found a great group of friends who never give me a hard time about my comfort zone. Which in the end, makes it easier to go out and do things with them. It lessens the stress a bit.

I think more people than not, deal with everything you wrote. You're not alone. :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 9:00:00 am  
Blogger Kas said...


Seriously-- It used to be the panic attacks only happened around Christmas, but as I got older, it was more and more. I refused to lock myself in my house, so I got medicated.

I am lucky... it's a low dose w/ minimal side effects. Whew. keeps the meltdowns to a minimum.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 12:43:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Keep working on it Delilah and I will too :)

Glad to hear it JS ;)

Awesome Kas!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 5:12:00 pm  
Anonymous E said...

I have trouble with this too Victoria, it's because we have soft souls! :)


Wednesday, November 24, 2010 10:03:00 pm  
Anonymous Dominic said...

I'm just anti-social :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010 6:30:00 am  
Blogger NATALIE said...

I used to get into trouble with this all the time, almost double-booking myself (this must have been when I was popular!).

After being chastised by a couple of friends, I realised I had to make decisions faster - either a yes or a no!

It's actually quite liberating.

Thursday, November 25, 2010 7:21:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Good for us E :)

That works too Dominic!

Fair enough Natalie :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010 3:47:00 pm  
Blogger Single girl said...

You just described me.. its incredible.. its scary yet exciting to find out about someone who is similar to you in life.. and may struggle with things too :) keep up the great blogging


Thursday, November 25, 2010 11:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Awww, that's cool :)

Friday, November 26, 2010 6:40:00 pm  

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