Monday, 16 May 2011

Big Sigh

You guys?

I'm tired.

And I don't so much mean physically tired, although there is some of that too, what with losing a week's worth of sleep with worry and all.

But I mean I'm tired. Like, tired of always having to think and plan and remember and be.

I'm tired of always remembering to brush and floss so that I can hopefully avoid dental issues in the future. I'm tired of making sure my lunch is ready so I don't have to go out and buy a lunch on my break.

I'm tired of trying to figure out what to wear and making sure my hair isn't too greasy. I'm tired of knowing when people's birthdays are coming and figuring out what to get them or when to send their card.

I'm tired of remembering to drink water because it'll keep me healthy or forcing myself to go for a run because I should or because I'll feel better after. I'm tired of meetings and appointments and having to do/think/be/feel anything.

I just want a break.

I feel like I could become a drug addict. I mean, if drugs let you stop thinking about everything and worrying about everything that'd be worth it right now.

Except I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't be a happy drug addict. I'd still worry about things like my teeth falling our or my heart stopping or losing my apartment or job or everything, so that's not going to happen.

I think what I mean is that I'm tired of being grown up.

I'm tired of having responsibilities and living up to them.

I just want to not worry and to have it all taken care of. All of it.

I guess I want to be a kid again.

This grown up gig isn't as much fun as I thought it would be.


Blogger Just Sayin... said...

Awww sweetie. I've had these days. Best advise I can suggest... take a few mental days, lay on the couch and watch really bad tv, sleep late and do not shower or brush your teeth for 3 days.... you'll get that mental break you need. It helps. I do not know one person who hasn't needed a break from just being the adult. This too shall pass, but take the time for yourself if you have the time to take off work/school etc.. It's worth every second.


Monday, May 16, 2011 9:31:00 am  
Blogger Kas said...

JS is 100% right... escape. Everyone needs to and everyone SHOULD do it.

I have.

And I am a better person when I come back.

Monday, May 16, 2011 11:33:00 am  
Anonymous Dominic said...

Last time I felt that way, I got prescribed Prozac.

I guess you could say it worked: I was so annoyed at being told to take the pills, I cured myself.

I hope you feel better soon. Here, watch a cartoon :)

Monday, May 16, 2011 1:32:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Not a bad idea JS :) Maybe I'll do that this long weekend!

Fair enough Kas, thanks ;)

How did I ever forget about Foamy Dominic? Heh

Monday, May 16, 2011 5:35:00 pm  
Blogger Yamuna said...

I feel you.
I've been feeling the same way lately :(
I want to go back to when everything seemed magical and good, you know?

Monday, May 16, 2011 9:38:00 pm  
Blogger Eric said...

I know exactly what you mean. It seems everything I do these days is consequence- or guilt-driven; if I don't "do what I'm supposed to do", somehow I will pay for it in the end. When I was a kid, I knew that I could sit down with a big bag of chips and just watch bad tv when I grew up any time I wanted. That certainly isn't the case, however, at almost 30 years of age - that's a recipe for stomach cramps and an hour at the gym to rid the guilt.

Some battles are not meant to be won, and that's something I've only recently come to accept (especially with work stuff). We're in the middle of a big project right now, and I'm spending most of my time helping other people get their stuff done; unfortunately, in doing so, my own stuff that needs to get done falls behind. There's only so much that I can do in a day, and between meetings and the typical office red tape, I'm surprised I get as much done as I do right now.

What's really helped me is just doing my best to leave the work stuff (the source of most of my frustrations) behind at the office, and focus on things I enjoy and want to do (ie. not forced) when I get home. While I know not everyone has that luxury of being able to leave it behind, I found that that is what has really helped me the most. After work, I'll do some mountain biking or head to the pool to do a few laps. That time spent focusing on the things I enjoy outside of work really make it easier for me to deal with the crappy things when I have to the next day. It's nice being refreshed and to come back and look at things with a clear mind.

I've also started meditating for 15 minutes at the end of the day and vent out big frustrations in a daily journal (it's great that you've got your blog), which helps me too.

Good luck, and I'm sure things will pan out in the end! Cheers,


Monday, May 16, 2011 9:54:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I totally know Yamuna. :/

Thanks Eric and good luck to you too, work stuff can be the worst :(

Tuesday, May 17, 2011 8:58:00 pm  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I love this post. Sorry I haven't read/commented for so long... this has reminded me why I read you, why I carry on reading you, and why you are so great.

Monday, May 23, 2011 12:36:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Jonathan.

And, don't worry, I always know you're around even if I don't hear from you for a bit. So, thanks for that.

Monday, May 23, 2011 10:41:00 pm  

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