I had a very vivid set of dreams a few months ago. Right before I met Chad, actually.
They were those kinds of dreams where you wake up with a sense that you were just told Something. And that it's a Something that you should listen to. Really.
In these dreams, I was leaning up against the most wonderful man. He was giving me a big, gentle hug and I felt so safe and comfortable and happy.
And, even though I couldn't tell what this guy looked like exactly, the *idea* of what he looked like translated into my brain as "he looks plain."
And the message I woke up with was something I can only translate as... "Stop going for looks. You will discover that a less good looking guy than you're used to pursuing is amazing and loving and kind and gentle and solid and he will be the best thing ever to happen to you."
But when I met Chad a week or so later, I ignored that strong feeling and went for the super cute, did I mention how cute he was? guy.
And that didn't work out.
But now I find myself wondering if maybe even Chad was a reinforcement of that message.
Sure, he was hot. And, absolutely, we got along super super well and he was funny and I loved his company. But did he make me feel safe, secure, supported, comfortable, cared for, etc.?
No.
And I want that.
Outside of a dream.
8 comments:
Interesting perspective. I often have dreams about some man I have fallen for who makes me feel alive, beautiful, protected, cared for. I should dissect those dreams more. Why is it just so much harder to find the man of our dreams IRL?
Best,
AmericanBridget
Next time you dream about him, get his number! ;)
It's your subconscious talking - you already know you need to stop going for the lookers deep down inside. It's just when you're awake and busy with life, you tend to drift away from those thoughts. Especially when you have a hot guy in your life. Dreams are our way of sorting things out in our heads and of trying things on for size. But hey I'm no expert. I go weak at the knees when I see a looker personally.
Yeah, I know, and I don't think I'd say I've ever dated someone who was a looker. But I think with online dating, because you're initially going off a picture and a writeup, it's harder to look past the surface, whereas when you meet organically you feel things more...
Does that make sense?
It does make sense in that online dating is a lot like flicking through a shopping catalogue. We go for looks and good spelling and grammar because that's what we're presented with. I've tried the online thing before and I've been put off by how superficial guys seem. I've written to guys who appeared normal and I write, and they never write back. Probably because I'm not a blonde bombshell. Go figure. It's a tough game online.
Whereas meeting organically is a whole different game in that you get to have a proper conversation and get the full benefit of body language, personality, banter and complicity. So you can see if you click essentially, as opposed to just clicking on the next profile...
Totally, totally, totally how I feel. Sigh. And yet another reason I'm not a huge fan of online.
I have always had drop dead gorgeous surfer type boyfriends and since breaking up with a long term (and cheating) one 2 years ago I have been dating the same drop dead gorgeous type of guys... Until it hit me recently - yes, they are extremely good looking in a make me go weak at the knees kind of way - but you know what? Each and every one of them has made me feel anxious, off kilter, unstable and slightly manic. Until I went out with the most gorgeous nerdy kind of guy last week who made my cheeks hurt from laughing so much. I walked away feeling safe, happy and together.
Good looks fade over time but beautiful hearts keep you warm and protected forever.
I'm glad I finally worked it out before it was too late!
So true Kate!
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