Friday, 14 October 2011


This post has been sitting unwritten for months and months now. Today's as good a day as any to write it, I suppose.

One of the things I miss in my life as it is right now is touch.

And, right now, I'm not talking about sexual or sensual touch, that's a whole other post.

I'm what you might call a "touchy feely" person.

I love to hug and be hugged. I love to cuddle and lean against and make gentle physical contact with another person.

Now I don't get to do this in my job. Spies are only physical when they're doing super cool ninja moves on people, so my work, which makes up most of my day's activity, does not involve touch.

Sure, I have great friends at work who will occasionally give a hug, but that's minimal.

And outside of work, I live alone (yes, right now I'm living with my folks and yes, they've been subject to random cuddle attacks and hugs) and so it's not as if I go home and hug my husband or child or roommate.

I have some close friends who are huggy and a couple of friends who are as cuddly as I am, but I don't see them as much as I'd like and I know not everyone wants a hug every time you see them damnit!

But I miss being touched. I miss touch. Contact.

I remember being at a yoga class a couple of years ago (ahh, pre-accident yoga....sigh) and the woman leading the class came round at the end and just gently laid her hands on my feet and said some kind words to me. It struck me then, I couldn't remember the last time someone had touched me.

I used to volunteer at a place where they encouraged us to hug the people who came through the doors (always asking first of course) because "this might be the only time they get touched by another human being all week."

And we can't thrive without touch you know.

We don't do well without it.

It can be deathly important to an infant, but I'm not sure it's something even adults should live without.

I've found a small way to compensate. I have regular massages.

So every few weeks, I'm getting that physical contact.

But I still miss the loving touch I'd have in a relationship or that I have with some of my friends.

Bird and I may not have had a romantic relationship, but I know we both enjoyed having someone to hold and lie with and snuggle up against while watching a movie.

I miss that.

I miss touch.

It means a lot to me.


Blogger Just Sayin... said...

I love to hug and be hugged. I love to cuddle and lean against and make gentle physical contact with another person.

Well Said. I love that, and I miss it too.

Although I am getting a little of it from my roommate, he's a closet cuddle slut. He sits on the couch with me and leans in, with his heavy arm on my leg etc.. like we've done it a thousand times before or something. If it wasn't for the fact I'm starved for that affection, I would probably tell him to go away. lol

I give the best hugs. I commit fully to the affection. None of this lean in and pat on the back crap.

Friday, October 14, 2011 8:26:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to Bird?

Friday, October 14, 2011 10:21:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well, if we ever meet JS, we shall exchange really good hugs! :D

Bird, Anonymous? Well in terms of us? Things just faded away. (You can probably find things about that if you search on the Blog.) In terms of his injury, I've heard he's had a remarkable recovery.

Friday, October 14, 2011 6:51:00 pm  
Blogger Just Sayin... said...

Let's make a point of it the next time one of us is on the other rock.

Friday, October 14, 2011 7:12:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...


Friday, October 14, 2011 9:12:00 pm  
Anonymous Kate said...

I hear you! Sometimes I look at people holding hands on the street and it kicks me in the guts because like you, I live alone and infrequently see my parents who are great huggers.

I went out on a second date with "The Guy" the other night and had to sit on my hands because I spent all night wanting to touch him and hold his hand... It's all I can think about since I saw him. I. want. to. hold. his. hand..... BADLY.

Sunday, October 16, 2011 2:57:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I totally know that feeling Kate! ;)

Sunday, October 16, 2011 6:42:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I'm really glad you posted this. For about a year now, the length of time I've been back in Canada after living in China, I've been secretly yearning to be touched in a non-sexual way. In Shanghai, everyone was touchy-feely. Women would walk arm in arm or hand in hand, sit close to each other in cabs, and of course PLENTY of strangers were smooshed against me on the subway! That last type of contact wasn't so pleasant, but I thought maybe the density of the city was what got me hooked on casual, non-lustful touch.

Glad to hear it's not just me! Wooo!

Also: your regular massage idea, is GREAT. Thanks for sharing this.

Monday, October 17, 2011 9:07:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

It's totally not just you! ;)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011 7:28:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

a big e-hug & cuddle to someone else who knows the value of touch ...

Friday, May 04, 2012 10:11:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Aww, thanks ... :)

Saturday, May 05, 2012 10:43:00 am  

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