Wednesday, 28 December 2011

A Dark and Twisty One

Twist by foundimagination
What this time of year does is condenses the opportunities for me to get hurt.

It piles a whole lot of those opportunities together and even if things were to go really really well, hurts still happen and when they feel like they're happening with no recovery time in between? Yeah. That's what makes right now so damn hard for me.

I have hopes. Hopes of how things will go. Hopes of how happy a gift will make someone. Hopes of how time with family will go or how friends will want to hang out or just plain old regular hopes of good things.

And best laid plans of mice and men style, things rarely go as I hope.

I'm almost always happier before the gift is given than after its been opened.

Time with family is better left to the tv shows and the movies that gloss over what it's actually like when you put so many different personalities and expectations together and hope no one annoys anyone else.

It's too many ouches all packed on top of each other.

It's like a guy you really like not wanting to date you anymore the week after you get kicked out of your apartment but on repeat.

And minus the August sunshine and longer days.

This year, to be honest, was better than most, because I was aware of all these things and potential hurts and I did what I could to avoid them or at least, expect them and therefore not be blindsided by them.

Now to survive New Year's.

With no one, yet again, to kiss when the clock strikes midnight.

Damn I'm miserable today. Sorry.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Pearl said...

"Time with family is better left to the tv shows and the movies that gloss over what it's actually like when you put so many different personalities and expectations together and hope no one annoys anyone else." -- I love it, and so, SO true (most of the time). I may have steal it, write it in permanent market on my parents' foreheads, and make them read it to eachother every time they wonder why I take the occasional "break" back in my room for some peace and quiet. :)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 8:33:00 am  
Anonymous Dominic said...

Yah, I've come to face this holiday with mild dread over the last few years. I packed a mass of books this year to hide behind when I set off for the family home...

Y'may have seen my Open Letter with the summary of 2011 on it. I'll be really glad when this year finally ends.

Luckily, I don't really celebrate the new year, so that hard part's over.

I'll try and remember to send you an imaginary kiss come midnight Saturday tho ;)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 10:55:00 am  
Anonymous Nicky said...

New Year's is depressing, I find it best to pretend it's not happening, and wake up on New Year's day as though it's the same as any other. Mind you, there's always the nagging thought that really next year could be the best one yet ....

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 1:01:00 pm  
Blogger Mizkay said...

I'm with you, V. I, though, naively believed that this year had to be better than last year, but things are pretty much the exact same... only, maybe even a bit worse. Similar situation since I'm still committed to a guy who's not committed to me, nor will he ever be.

It actually makes me feel lonelier than ever.

I was going to bring in the new year by sleeping through it, but a girlfriend suggested going out of town for the weekend and that sounds appealing too. There may not be the man I love around, but at least I'll have a bosom buddy gal pal with me and out of this wretched place!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 1:16:00 pm  
Blogger Kas said...

*****I'm almost always happier before the gift is given than after its been opened.****

YES!!!!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 2:11:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Not sure they'd appreciate the permanent marker Pearl! :)

Don't forget the time change Dominic! ;)

I know what you mean Nicky, I try not to make it a big deal.

Oh Mizkay...I think a weekend getaway sounds great. You enjoy! *hugs*

True dat Kas

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 6:15:00 pm  

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