Wednesday, 28 December 2011
A Dark and Twisty One
It piles a whole lot of those opportunities together and even if things were to go really really well, hurts still happen and when they feel like they're happening with no recovery time in between? Yeah. That's what makes right now so damn hard for me.
I have hopes. Hopes of how things will go. Hopes of how happy a gift will make someone. Hopes of how time with family will go or how friends will want to hang out or just plain old regular hopes of good things.
And best laid plans of mice and men style, things rarely go as I hope.
I'm almost always happier before the gift is given than after its been opened.
Time with family is better left to the tv shows and the movies that gloss over what it's actually like when you put so many different personalities and expectations together and hope no one annoys anyone else.
It's too many ouches all packed on top of each other.
It's like a guy you really like not wanting to date you anymore the week after you get kicked out of your apartment but on repeat.
And minus the August sunshine and longer days.
This year, to be honest, was better than most, because I was aware of all these things and potential hurts and I did what I could to avoid them or at least, expect them and therefore not be blindsided by them.
Now to survive New Year's.
With no one, yet again, to kiss when the clock strikes midnight.
Damn I'm miserable today. Sorry.