When someone says (or does, but more often says) something that hurts my feelings, my instinct is to pull away or to put another brick up in the wall between us.
I had a counsellor once who told me that I should respond in these situations with an "Ouch!" to let the person know they'd hurt me (because I am useless at actually telling someone what they've said hurt my feelings) but I can't bring myself to do that either.
"Ouch, that hurt."
I mean, it seems like a simple enough thing to say, but I always figure that the person's either going to say they didn't mean it to and that I should stop overreacting and then I end up looking like an idiot or they're not going to care and then I end up being even more hurt. So I don't say anything. Because maybe I'm overreacting and they probably don't care anyway.
I feel a lot, lately, that I should stop trying to be close with people and should maintain the safe distance I have with most of the relationships in my life. It doesn't stop the hurts completely, but it makes the sting somewhat less painful if you haven't let the person close.
I don't really know what this says about me... is it a trust issue? A low self-esteem issue? What is it I'm protecting myself from, and why is it so painful?
I don't know if I should even try to change or just accept that this is how I am and keep a strong safe zone around myself and my heart.
I don't know. . . and I'm scared to death to even try to let anyone else in ever again.
So, yeah, it's been a rough week....can you tell?