Thursday, 8 March 2012

Stuck In The Middle

Found, Lost by foundimagination
I've been thinking more about the "age" portion of yesterday's post. I can understand where most of the looks negativity is coming from, but I wasn't sure why the "being older" thing was getting to me so much.

One thing I realized is that I don't really spend time with anyone my age. I moved away from my home town, so my high school friends aren't here. But even more than that, at my spy workplace, there's no one my age. And I only just realized it.

The people I work with are either five or six years younger than me, or ten to twenty or more years older than me, so I'm surrounded by people who are either older than me (and I don't really have much in common with and don't see them as my peer group) or by people who I get along with and have fun with, but who are younger than me. So I end up feeling old. Or at least, older.

And it doesn't help that all these younger co-workers are all going through things I'm not. They're getting engaged, married, having their first child. And so I look at them and wonder how I'm older than them and haven't had any of these experiences.

I hadn't really thought through it 'til I wrote yesterday's post and wondered about the question "when did I get so ageist?"

I guess, when I ended up being the only person my age at my work and felt like I wasn't anywhere, I wasn't established in a family like the older crowd, or beginning a committed relationship like the younger crowd.

It's like no matter where I look, I'm wrong. And it does kind of rub my age in my face to watch people half a decade younger than me go through all the things I thought I'd have gone through half a decade ago.

All I can hope now is that being aware of it will make it hurt less.



Kate said...

I can so relate to your post - I have friends with younger brothers and sisters (by 5 years) who are just starting to get married and have babies (in reality I don't think I have any single friends left - when did we get to be so grown up?? :-))... It leaves me reeling some days with "Oh crap - they are such babies and seem to have everything sorted.. Me? I'm just learning how to date again! Am I leaving things too late????"...

Glad to know others feel the same as me too..

Victoria said...

Totally.... *hugs*

Ireallyshouldbeworkingonmy20pagepaperrightnow said...

I'm 23 years old - and I know I'm young, I won't complain - but I've also never (like, EVER) been in a relationship. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I just wasn't ready. But now I am.
It's different when someone's been through relationship/s and then finds herself single at 23. But the fact that I've never been in one makes me wonder if I'm just going to go through my 20s without ever experiencing that, maybe I've grown too comfortable with my singleness. You're different in your 20s - physically, emotionally - and I want to share that with someone.
At the same time, having never had it, I really don't know what I'm missing, so it doesn't really get me down.
Well, until I start wondering if I will be eternally single.
*Shakes head* Bah, it sounds so frivolous!
I guess the only thing to do is to wait and see?

Ossa said...

I'm 22 and still single, I know I'm still young but can already feel the pressure. I know I have a lot of things to do now at my age and still want to achieve more in my life but I'm afraid of the future that I might be alone, I want somebody to share my happiness, if I am and I want somebody to share my achievements. but I'm still hopeful that he is around there and I'm here waiting!

Victoria said...

YouTotallyShouldBeWorkingOnYourPaper!(ButIProcrastinateToo!), I think, yes, patience and waiting to see. Better that than "wasting" your early 20s with a guy who turns out to be very much the wrong one...:(

Ossa, it's sad to think we already feel that pressure at such a young age, eh? But it's natural to want to share your life and yes, I'm sure he's around somewhere just waiting to meet you too :)

Just Sayin... said...

I get it. I've been there. Shit, I'm still there. But I tend to look at it differently.

Instead of not having friends my own age, I look at it as being versatile with people. Being able to relate and conversate with people of all different ages is a valuable tool many people do not have.

I think it's a plus, not a negative.

Hugs anyways xo

Victoria said...

Oh, I totally like having friends of whatever age it just.... makes my age feel older somehow...