Friday, 18 May 2012

Realist

This isn't a sad thing at all, but I think I'm getting better and knowing when a guy's not interested in me.

Like, when Steve and our friends and I were sitting around after dinner chatting and he said he had to get going, I knew right away he wasn't interested.

And then yesterday, at work, there was a visiting spy at lunch, and we made polite conversation and then he too, got up and left and I knew he wasn't interested.

It's a combination of instinct and having a memory of what it was like when a guy was interested. How they'd want to keep talking, or would make an excuse to linger. And how they'd always ask for my number, or I'd find out the next day that they'd asked a friend for it.

I guess with Steve I was mentally trying to give him the benefit of the doubt when really, gut-wise, I knew he wasn't going to follow up and I should have just shrugged it off that night instead of continuing to hope what I already know what hopeless.

Like, I totally knew he wasn't that into me.

Same with the guy yesterday. My co-workers were all excited, asking me if I was going to ask for his number or something and I just kind of smiled at them, knowing he wasn't interested. (And then did some cyber sleuthing and discovered pictures of him and his girlfriend/possibly wife. Which, yes, I was right again of course.)

I think that's part of what's thrown me off in on-line dating. Because it's not a natural situation and I don't get to see or feel out the cues I usually get.

Or maybe I've always kind of known, and have just recently started to trust that knowing more. (Cuz it's way more interesting to ignore the knowing and cross your fingers and hope for something and then get crushed in the end. Except the getting crushed part hurts. Ouchily.)

8 Comments:

Blogger Candy Cakes said...

Girl I feel you! I miss that feeling you get in your gut when you can tell a guy you like is into you. I almost forgot but you just reminded me. It's the best! I miss it... dang.

Surely we are young and cute and will one day feel it again though. It's just all that ouch you mentioned that makes it tough to wait.

Friday, May 18, 2012 10:10:00 am  
Blogger Dateafrenchman said...

I can relate to how bits of your "date" with Steve are floating in as the days go by. We hope and hope and hope and then reality sets in and the truth starts floating in on the breeze. The truth we knew all along. Don't worry, it will happen. And if this Steve wasn't into you, why would you want him right? Bon courage :)

Friday, May 18, 2012 1:50:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a question, did you like this Steve fellow? If you did, why not get his number from your friends and give him a call instead of waiting for him to make the first move? or is it still not okay for the woman to make the first move?

Friday, May 18, 2012 7:07:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

It is fun when it happens Candy :)

True enough Datea!

Anon, he seemed interesting, sure. And it's totally ok for women to make the first move, it's just not my thing. (I'm not going to go chasing after someone who has shown no interest in me or getting to know me. I'll just move on.)

Friday, May 18, 2012 7:16:00 pm  
Blogger Annie said...

I always thought I had a really good hold on that instinct of whether a guy is interested or not but recent events have proven otherwise. And you're right, it does hurt ouchily. But I guess holding on to the memory how just how absolutely wonderful it does feel when it's reciprocated is enough to just keep on plodding along!

Friday, May 18, 2012 9:56:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

True enough Annie....

Saturday, May 19, 2012 9:42:00 am  
Anonymous FH said...

You know what, I think this is a great step. When you know whether or not a person's interested, you're that much more aware of whether you yourself are interested, or whether it's a "just in case" situation.

Less tension in general, because you'll be on top of things way better. Then you'll come across far more together and relaxed, and when there is mutual interest, blam you'll know it. And will be legitimately excited, with no real doubts.

Sunday, May 20, 2012 2:48:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Sure, but unfortunately, I'm not usually able to figure this out while we're still hanging out, it's usually once I'm back home that I go..ohhhh... I see.

And, I always have real doubts ;) Just how I'm built!

Sunday, May 20, 2012 10:08:00 pm  

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