Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Pa

Hi by foundimagination
Approximately two months ago, I got a text from my friend.  The one with whom I'd been in a bumpy patch for the last while.  But this was a message that made nothing else matter anymore.

Her Dad, my "Pa", had been battling colon cancer over the past year.  They'd been told that he was clear.  They were wrong.

"Bad news.  Dad's got two months to live."

I called her, we cried, and talked, and cried some more.  All I wanted to do was make it all go away, be better.

But life doesn't work that way, does it.

Two weeks ago, my friend and my Pa came over to the Island, so that he could say goodbye.

And if you've never had to look someone in the eye, and say an actual goodbye, knowing that you will never see them alive again, you can count yourself lucky.  It was the hardest, most heartwrenching thing I've ever had to do.

We sat and talked, held hands and hugged.  We talked about this memory and that, and how when I slept over, he'd always wake me up by throwing a wet facecloth onto my face.

"Daughter #3."  That's what they call me.

"I'll save you a good spot in heaven," he said.

It's hard to watch a grown man cry.  It's hard to contemplate how you'd even begin to process knowing you had such a limited amount of time left.

It's hard to know that you will never actually see someone you love again, that those were your last moments together.  So hard.  I struggled through the next few days, thinking of what he'd said, how he'd looked, what it had all been like.  And I cried.




Five days after we held each other and said our goodbyes, my friend's Dad took a turn for the worse, and died in his sleep.

I can't do justice here to how much my heart hurts when I stop to think about him.  Or when I think about his family, who must be missing him even more than I am.

I think to myself, often, that I wish no one ever had to die.  But such is life, and life goes on and that's how it's supposed to be.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though.

Love the ones you love.

Tell them.

Thank them.

And be happy.  Be good.  Live while you can.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Missing word in the first sentence.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 9:09:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thank you. (It took me forever to find too. Brain fuzzy... that's my excuse) ;)

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 5:53:00 pm  
Blogger Matt79 said...

Really sorry to hear this.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 11:53:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thank you Matt.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012 5:07:00 pm  
Anonymous JustaGirl said...

What if being happy is too hard? Even though I have no reason not to be happy.
Do I have to feel guilty about not being happy?
Because I'm tired.
And I have this voice resounding in the back of my head all the time - "Appreciate what you have. Be nice, be happy."
And it's just too much pressure.
I can't force myself to be happy simply because I'm supposed to, can I?

Thursday, December 13, 2012 5:44:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Victoria, I'm very sorry for your loss. So very sorry. I have had that experience of saying good-bye. Not something I want to repeat any time soon.

We have had a difficult month here too. A coworker's son passed away from cancer at 21. A son of a family friend was killed in an accident at 17 (his sister was my oldest's longest and closest friend), and last weekend a friend from high school passed away of cancer. It's been a terrible month.

Your advice is excellent...hard sometimes, but excellent. We're trying hard to live. You do the same.

- Elliott

Thursday, December 13, 2012 8:14:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

No, Justa, you don't have to force yourself to be happy. Sometimes you're just where you are and you just have to keep going. Tell the voice at the back of your head to lay off and go easy on yourself. *hugs*

Thanks Elliott, it was, indeed, very difficult. And I'm really sorry to hear you've had an awful month, so sorry. Big hugs and love to you all.

Thursday, December 13, 2012 5:09:00 pm  

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