Pa

Approximately two months ago, I got a text from my friend.  The one with whom I'd been in a bumpy patch for the last while.  But this was a message that made nothing else matter anymore.

Her Dad, my "Pa", had been battling colon cancer over the past year.  They'd been told that he was clear.  They were wrong.

"Bad news.  Dad's got two months to live."

I called her, we cried, and talked, and cried some more.  All I wanted to do was make it all go away, be better.

But life doesn't work that way, does it.

Two weeks ago, my friend and my Pa came over to the Island, so that he could say goodbye.

And if you've never had to look someone in the eye, and say an actual goodbye, knowing that you will never see them alive again, you can count yourself lucky.  It was the hardest, most heartwrenching thing I've ever had to do.

We sat and talked, held hands and hugged.  We talked about this memory and that, and how when I slept over, he'd always wake me up by throwing a wet facecloth onto my face.

"Daughter #3."  That's what they call me.

"I'll save you a good spot in heaven," he said.

It's hard to watch a grown man cry.  It's hard to contemplate how you'd even begin to process knowing you had such a limited amount of time left.

It's hard to know that you will never actually see someone you love again, that those were your last moments together.  So hard.  I struggled through the next few days, thinking of what he'd said, how he'd looked, what it had all been like.  And I cried.




Five days after we held each other and said our goodbyes, my friend's Dad took a turn for the worse, and died in his sleep.

I can't do justice here to how much my heart hurts when I stop to think about him.  Or when I think about his family, who must be missing him even more than I am.

I think to myself, often, that I wish no one ever had to die.  But such is life, and life goes on and that's how it's supposed to be.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though.

Love the ones you love.

Tell them.

Thank them.

And be happy.  Be good.  Live while you can.