Friday, 11 January 2013

Unblocking My Brain

So, where do I start, with regards to Jay?

I suppose, I start where I left off, which was sort of somewhere in the middle.

Jay and I started messaging on the online site, he went away.  He came back.  We weren't able to meet.  He told me he had to go away again, and gave me his email.  I decided to email.  We started emailing back and forth.  And then more.  And more.  And I really liked getting to know him.

And he liked getting to know me.

A few weeks into our emails becoming more than just small talk, which, really, I have to say, they sort of did right away (I should remember to try to explain that some time) I felt like I was really starting to like this guy.  And I told C-Dawg as much.

And then I think I sort of skipped ahead in telling you about things, and mentioned that I'd freaked out and Vince had sorted me out with some good advice.  Yes?


So let's see. . .

One of the things that has just ... worked, for Jay and I, is that I felt comfortable with him from the get go.  I think it partly has to do with the fact that he works for a trustworthy company/organization and never kept anything from me.  The email he gave me, in case I "wanted to send [him] an email" was his full name.  Which I thought was pretty trusting, especially as we hadn't met in person yet.  I'm usually comfortable enough sharing my cell number (I have a home phone too, so my cell's more of a texting machine) but generally don't share my main email account.

But he gave me his email and so I typed his name into google.

Now, in telling this story I've had some people look at me aghast.  You did what? 

Um... I looked him up on google... doesn't everyone do that?

Apparently happily married women have no need to google strangers but, whatever, I always do.

(Oh, and a side story... because I can.  When I told this story to some people and they were like you googled him!? Another girl spoke up and mentioned that a friend of hers had met a guy online and had really liked him and then he took off.  She said after he took off her friend typed his name into google and found out he had been arrested for sexual assault.  So.. yeah... that's why you google.  You see what comes up.)

And when I did that, there were no red flags.  Nothing that made question that he was anything other than a good guy.  Which, to be honest, I expected.

His profile had been pretty simple and straightforward, talked about who he was, and what he was looking for.  It also mentioned, in passing, his political leanings, and, well, they jibed with mine.

So I appreciated that he was being open with his life by giving me his email, so I decided to email him from my main email account as well.

And from there, I would read his emails and find what he had to say interesting, if a bit formal, and so I enjoyed the conversations.

I think because there was nothing to lose and because it just felt right, I didn't feel the need to be anything other than open and honest, and so I told him about the group where Bird and I met, and I thought it might be something he'd be interested in.  Turns out he was, and I was relieved he hadn't been turned off by it, and I guess I felt safe and comfortable from then, just being myself.

From right at the start, when I decided to just, oh, what the heck, email this guy.  And then decided to, oh what the heck just tell him honestly, about my life, I just followed my gut.

I don't know why, but it just felt like the right thing to do, so I did it.

And so we started getting closer and closer.


Anonymous Bad.Days said...

I also always Google guys I've met online (both their real names and user names). Like you said stuff just shows up. I started to do it regularly after my sister Googled her guy several months into the relationship and found out he still had active (and regularly updated) accounts on a couple sex meet-up sites.

Friday, January 11, 2013 8:09:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Victoria. I don't remember you mentioning whether or not you've spoken to each other by phone or if all the "talking" is via email/chat? Also, have you every Skyped with Jay? Just wondering...

Friday, January 11, 2013 10:56:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oh dear B.D. That would not be a nice thing to discover... but better sooner than later I guess? :(

Hi Anonymous :) I don't think I've mentioned it yet (probably in the next post or two I'll get to it) but yes, we have spoken on the phone and such.

Friday, January 11, 2013 5:57:00 pm  
Anonymous Michelle said...

I too have always googled and checked Linkedin, Flickr and Facebook (you'd be surprised how many people have public accounts).

For me it is about being safe, smart and informed. Your story is very intriguing....can't wait to hear more.

Saturday, January 12, 2013 6:37:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

That's how I feel about it too Michelle, like curious to see what shows up, informed... :) And, I can't wait to hear more too! ;) Or... live more I suppose :D

Saturday, January 12, 2013 11:37:00 am  

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