I went to a show last weekend with some friends and as we were all standing in line, I found myself thinking that it would be sort of awkward, and would feel.... weird, if Jay was standing there with us.
There are a couple of things. Partly, I was in that line with people I've known for years. A decade or more for some of them. And while I maybe know Jay in a different way, I still haven't met him, and even when we do meet, I won't have known him for a decade. So it's partly that feeling of being with people you've known a long time and with someone you don't really know or haven't known for long.
The other thing I realized is that I've never had to introduce a guy to my friends from scratch before. All of my previous boyfriends were introduced to me by friends. Or, in the case of my first boyfriend, or a high school boyfriend, we all kind of knew each other and hung out together before things became romantic.
So when I realized that I would be the middle man, so to speak, between Jay and my friends were he there, it felt weird. And I realized it was because I've never really done that before. I've never not had that someone or other who knew the both of us and could bridge the gap.
It'll be a new, and different experience for me to introduce Jay to my friends, (assuming we get to that point) because I'll know him, but I'll know them more. Does that make sense?
It makes sense in my head but I can't seem to type it out into words that make sense.
Maybe it's a comfort level thing, I'm super comfortable with my friends, but I don't know yet how comfortable Jay and I are going to be with each other and so being in that situation, hanging with old friends and thinking of him being there made my brain feel weird.