Friday, 26 April 2013

Blurting It All Out

Along by foundimagination
It all started in August.

But really it started when I was 19.

Or 11.

See, I've been dealing with the fact that my hormones are less than normal since I was 11.

When I was ten or so, I was diagnosed as being hypothyroid, which means that my thyroid gland doesn't produce what it's supposed to, so I have to take supplements to make up for it.  Every day, forever.

When I moved over to Victoria, after high school, I had to change endocrinologists (hormone type doctors, to oversimplify) and the one I got here found a few other things out of whack with my hormones, including something she diagnosed as Poly-Cystic-Ovarian-Syndrome, which, she told me, meant I was infertile and would never be able to have children.

I fainted.

Terrible bedside manner, and not entirely accurate, but I went on birth control pills to control the wackado hormones and have been on them ever since.

Until August.

In August, I had a breakdown, sobbing on my mother's lap about how much I hated the fat I was seeing around my jowls and in my midsection (both areas that had always been thin on me) and that my breasts were just getting bigger and bigger and why was I having such a hard time with all this weight?

My Mom has wanted me off of the hormones for a long, long time and she gently suggested, again, that I try stopping them to see how my body reacted.  That often, weight gain was an unwanted side effect of birth control pills, same as boobies getting more gigantic.  (Not her words)

She also told me about an amazing service she'd heard of, a nutritionist/dietician who would meet with me, and create menu and meal plans for me, and my Mom offered to help pay for the cost of it if I wanted to go.

Which I did.

She came with me to the meeting, and to my doctor's appointment when I broke the news to my GP that I was stopping the pill (my doc was not impressed) and wanted a referral to a new endocrinologist.

I should really have told you about this before, but the nutritionist was amazing.

I told her my likes and dislikes, my goals and my skill level (no can cook!) and a week or so later, she mailed me my menu plan, which included a shopping list, (so simple!) recipes, and meal plans, including snacks.

She recommended I eat every few hours to keep my blood sugars stable and that I way way increase my protein as the meals I'd been eating had little to none in them.

I was somewhat worried how my body would do without the hormones it had been on for ... well, ever, but things went really well.  No crazy mood swings or wildly awful periods, just some skin rash issues and some hair falling out or breaking issues.

And everything stayed regular.

So when I went to meet the new endocrinologist she told me that I didn't actually have PCOS as I'd never missed a period (that I could remember) and that yes, my hormones may be out of whack again but that it wasn't a big deal.

The first half of a year on the meal plans was also amazing and my weight went down, and my energy went up and things were just tickety boo.

But in the last few months I've gotten lazy.

Especially at work.

I've gotten back in the habit of stuffing my face with a crappy snack whenever I feel miserable or frustrated and the abundance of Cadbury's Creme eggs these past months has meant I'm back at the heaviest weight I've ever been.

Which feels really really shitty.

So does the fact that my body has decided that it's done playing nice hormonally, and either I've hit a very early menopause, or I do, in fact, have PCOS after all and have just missed a period.  (No, don't worry, I'm not with child.  Checked that out already.)

So I have no idea what's going on with my body/hormones.  I'd hoped that going off the pill would magically make the weight fall off, but apparently it's not magic and I just have to stop eating crap again.

Which sucks, because I like me some instant gratification, I do.  So much.

And I guess I'll be going back on my "hormone helpers" just as soon as my body decides to stop hiding my "that time of the month" from me and well, gah.

I'm body-miserable right now.

Which is crazy, considering there's a man in my life who thinks I'm super attractive and can't seem to get enough of me.  And he's never seen me at any weight except this one.

You think I could just focus on that, no?


Jonathan said...

You make me smile so much sometimes. I've never known anybody write so openly about so much of themselves. It's refreshing, disarming, and wonderful.

Anonymous said...

I've also had hormone issues and have been able to avoid the side effects of the pill by using bio-identical hormone creams. It might be something to look into?

Victoria said...

Awwww, thanks Jonathan :) *blush*

I might at a later time M. I have no side effects that I know of with the pill, just off of it! ;)

michelle said...

Wow- I have read your blog for awhile but this post made me realize how many similarities we do have.

I am infertile, from treatment I received for cancer when I was three.

I didn't faint when I found out, I threw up

I went on birth control pills to control the my wackado hormones and gained weight too and I am talking with my doctor in June about coming off. She wants me to stay on them for making sure I have enough hormones to prevent early osteoporosis, AND yes, I am in early menopause.

The biggest difference I can see is that I prefer Oreo cookies (lots of them) over Cadbury Eggs. Hang in there , things will level out.

Thanks for writing so much about yourself, it helps to know I am not alone in some of these things.

Victoria said...

Well major hugs to you, Michelle! (And, I'm early osteopenic here myself... waah)


Anonymous said...

Can't remember my blogger account info so I'm going with anonymous. My goodness I'm sooo behind on my blog reading! Months behind and probably haven't commented in a year or two!! Just been catching up on the last few months and saw this post so I wanted to comment. My sister has PCOS. She found out just before her 22nd birthday. Lucky for her, she was about to get married (yah, at 23...they'd been together for 5 years already and it really didn't seem sooooo young when I was 24 but darn, 5 years later it seems sooooooo freaking young but I digress)....lucky for her, she was about to get married. She went on crazy super-ovulation drugs. Doc said if it didn't work within 5 months, they'd have to look at IVF (and then go from there). She suffered through a miscarriage a few months in but as the doc said, "it's great that you even got pregnant". On the 5th month, she got pregnant. She now has two little boys. I know most people with PCOS can't conceive but maybe there is hope? I know age is a sister had wanted to wait until she was 35 (yup...married at 23 but wanted to wait 12 more years for kids, to each their own) and the doctor said it would be pretty much impossible if she waited that long so she got started straight away. Your doc would know more about your condition than I would but I wanted you to know at least one happy tail. (Although, I guess technically you haven't said you want kids but you did indicate you fainted so maybe?!) Anyway, good luck to you while you figure out your hormone stuff. I know that having lived with my sister through her teen years and early adult years that yah, that hormone imbalance is TOUGH STUFF. Poor thing still struggles with the hormones (and poor me...and her husband....and all of us some days, lol). I hope it all works out :)

Elle and the City

Anonymous said...

And I wrote a novel. Sorry about that.

Good luck!!!!

Victoria said...

That is a happy story Elle! :D Thanks ;)