Friday, 26 April 2013
Blurting It All Out
But really it started when I was 19.
See, I've been dealing with the fact that my hormones are less than normal since I was 11.
When I was ten or so, I was diagnosed as being hypothyroid, which means that my thyroid gland doesn't produce what it's supposed to, so I have to take supplements to make up for it. Every day, forever.
When I moved over to Victoria, after high school, I had to change endocrinologists (hormone type doctors, to oversimplify) and the one I got here found a few other things out of whack with my hormones, including something she diagnosed as Poly-Cystic-Ovarian-Syndrome, which, she told me, meant I was infertile and would never be able to have children.
Terrible bedside manner, and not entirely accurate, but I went on birth control pills to control the wackado hormones and have been on them ever since.
In August, I had a breakdown, sobbing on my mother's lap about how much I hated the fat I was seeing around my jowls and in my midsection (both areas that had always been thin on me) and that my breasts were just getting bigger and bigger and why was I having such a hard time with all this weight?
My Mom has wanted me off of the hormones for a long, long time and she gently suggested, again, that I try stopping them to see how my body reacted. That often, weight gain was an unwanted side effect of birth control pills, same as boobies getting more gigantic. (Not her words)
She also told me about an amazing service she'd heard of, a nutritionist/dietician who would meet with me, and create menu and meal plans for me, and my Mom offered to help pay for the cost of it if I wanted to go.
Which I did.
She came with me to the meeting, and to my doctor's appointment when I broke the news to my GP that I was stopping the pill (my doc was not impressed) and wanted a referral to a new endocrinologist.
I should really have told you about this before, but the nutritionist was amazing.
I told her my likes and dislikes, my goals and my skill level (no can cook!) and a week or so later, she mailed me my menu plan, which included a shopping list, (so simple!) recipes, and meal plans, including snacks.
She recommended I eat every few hours to keep my blood sugars stable and that I way way increase my protein as the meals I'd been eating had little to none in them.
I was somewhat worried how my body would do without the hormones it had been on for ... well, ever, but things went really well. No crazy mood swings or wildly awful periods, just some skin rash issues and some hair falling out or breaking issues.
And everything stayed regular.
So when I went to meet the new endocrinologist she told me that I didn't actually have PCOS as I'd never missed a period (that I could remember) and that yes, my hormones may be out of whack again but that it wasn't a big deal.
The first half of a year on the meal plans was also amazing and my weight went down, and my energy went up and things were just tickety boo.
But in the last few months I've gotten lazy.
Especially at work.
I've gotten back in the habit of stuffing my face with a crappy snack whenever I feel miserable or frustrated and the abundance of Cadbury's Creme eggs these past months has meant I'm back at the heaviest weight I've ever been.
Which feels really really shitty.
So does the fact that my body has decided that it's done playing nice hormonally, and either I've hit a very early menopause, or I do, in fact, have PCOS after all and have just missed a period. (No, don't worry, I'm not with child. Checked that out already.)
So I have no idea what's going on with my body/hormones. I'd hoped that going off the pill would magically make the weight fall off, but apparently it's not magic and I just have to stop eating crap again.
Which sucks, because I like me some instant gratification, I do. So much.
And I guess I'll be going back on my "hormone helpers" just as soon as my body decides to stop hiding my "that time of the month" from me and well, gah.
I'm body-miserable right now.
Which is crazy, considering there's a man in my life who thinks I'm super attractive and can't seem to get enough of me. And he's never seen me at any weight except this one.
You think I could just focus on that, no?