I've realized, being with Jay, just how much I love loving.
Like, to have someone to love just feels amazing.
I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't tell you I sometimes have trouble accepting his love. That I sometimes don't believe that he really does love me, but I know I have these wonderful feelings for him, and that they feel really really good.
I love having him to think about, to take care of. To bring a glass of water to, or to think of and smile.
I still wish I had guarantees. That my loving him was enough to make this a forever thing. That his loving me was enough to make sure nothing was going to fall apart.
But that's, apparently, still just a Disney movie. And so I have to constantly remind myself to try try try to just be in today.
And we've had a rough few todays, but we've talked things through like adults, and, we're still here.
And I love loving this man. I really do.