February when Jay mentioned that he might not be living in Victoria, there was this breaking point that I felt, and there was a shift.
So now that we've... met... I still haven't really gotten away from that.
I haven't even called him my boyfriend. Yes, we're pretty much living together.... (ok, we are living together, but not permanently) and we've, you know, been.... romantically intimate in a way that boyfriends and girlfriends do. And yes, he refers to me as his girlfriend here and there and we've said I love you and the whole nine yards, but I still just kind of mumble about him as "the... guy... I'm.... seeing?"
I mean, he doesn't know if he'll be staying in town.
And now that he applied for those other positions, it seems even less likely that he will. So why should I call him my boyfriend if he's not going to be living here in town?
I certainly won't be introducing him to my family. Not sure there's much point in my friends meeting him either. I don't know. I guess I just kind of feel like if I start telling everyone I have this great guy in my life, and hey, here he is, you get to know him too, and then he leaves? I'll just feel stupid.
Maybe I'm trying to protect myself.
Like, maybe if I don't really admit that we're boyfriend / girlfriend, it won't hurt so much if he has to make a career choice that takes him away from me. And if I have to make a career choice that keeps me here. And if we both make our own life decisions rather than making any together as an "us".
My parents and my brother have both asked me what's new in my life. My Mom even asked me if I was still talking to that guy from online. (I mentioned him at one point, before I knew he might not be able to stay in Victoria.) Actually, my Mom asked me if I was still "subscribing" to him, which was awesome and cute. But I just kind of avoid answering. Because I don't want to lie. But I also don't want to say yes, I'm in love with a guy but he may be leaving.
So... Jay is my .... something or other.
You heard it here first.