Saturday, 4 May 2013
I Would Never Have Expected It
"I can't even sleep when someone's breathing next to me!" I said, referencing the fact that when one of my exes stayed with me, I didn't sleep, and it drove me insane.
"How are you ever going to have a boyfriend then?" He asked, incredulous.
"I don't know," I said. "I guess we'll figure that out."
When Jay first stayed over, I didn't sleep well. I remember, in fact, one night, getting up after tossing and turning, and coming into the living room to fire up my computer. I checked some emails, did a mindfulness exercise and then tried to make myself tired enough to go back to bed.
Not sure I slept much, but at least there was some semblance of sleep.
A few nights of not so great sleep and for whatever reason I told him I wanted to sleep on the other side of the bed.
I figured it was something about him always wanting to be close to me and me turning onto that side and not being able to breathe, or something, but sure enough, I went to the other side of the bed that night and slept.
And I've slept really well with him every night since.
Sure, maybe some nights we don't go to sleep as early as this girl would like, and some mornings I've dragged myself kicking and screaming out to work at what seems like the crack of 'are you serious'? But really, I sleep well with Jay next to me, and I would never have expected it.
But still, I thought when he went to Vancouver for his interview that I'd be sleeping even more soundly. Surely I'd have the bed to myself, I could go to bed as early as I wanted and just sleep through the night right?
Unexpected thing number who knows what. When Jay's gone? I don't sleep well.
I don't know why, and I would never have expected it, but so far it's been true. I lie awake tossing and turning and feeling restless. I guess I miss him being there more than I would ever have guessed.