Tuesday, 14 May 2013


So last week was bad.  Like, really bad.

Jay got the job and then stayed in Vancouver and I just got more and more... bad.

I don't know what the word is.  Insecure?  Insane?  Miserable?  Devastated?  Unhappy?  All of the above somehow mixed together and joined by some extreme tiredness?

When he got home all I could do was cry while we lay on the couch together and I'm sure that's not the easiest thing for anyone to have to deal with, but there you have it... I am who I am, and the crying's just part of it.

We talked about what all this might mean, but nothing was resolved.  I suppose I was looking for promises and guarantees and he doesn't have that security right now.  Sure, he has the job, but somehow his company is less straight-forward than what I'm used to with spy work so he's not entirely sure where he'll be based out of quite yet.  (This is so not a way I could live, but that's why I'm a spy and he's a not a spy, I guess.)

All I know is that I feel way better than I did last week. I actually couldn't function for a couple of days there.  Had to take time off from work and just sleep and rest.  That also meant Jay and I had that time together to hang out and that seemed to help everything.

I honestly don't remember what was said or really what we did on those days, so I do wonder if I was over-stressed or had some kind of flu or what, I just know I'm glad to be feeling so much better and like myself again.

Thanks for your good thoughts, I'm sure they helped too.


michelle said...

Glad you are feeling better. I have been reading for awhile now but have to ask, you're not really a spy right? LOL. I am guessing it is just a saying to imply that you don't say what you really do for work on your blog.

Victoria said...

Thanks Michelle. And no... I'm not *really* a spy ;) Although, if I were, I wouldn't be allowed to tell! Heh. (But, yes, it just lets me avoid talking about whatever it is I actually do) :)

Chris said...

Victoria, I think you are being very wise about this situation. I'm sure it's tough and brings out the insecurities. Years ago, I was in a similar situation and totally screwed it up with my insecurities and tried to control and force things to come out the way I wanted. All I managed to do was drive my boyfriend away. No matter what happens, stay friends with this guy. Even if you two have to live apart for a while, stay friends. You never know what will happen next.

Victoria said...

Thanks Chris. I don't know that it'll be easy and my insecurities are going to try to be IN CHARGE, but I'll do what I can as best I can.